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Chapter One "Bonjour, my dear lieutenant, and who do we have joining us today?" As Captain de Ceredigion strode into Musketeer HQ in the year 1636, he found his trusted deputy, Lieutenant D'Artangan nearly buried in paper work, and had to supress a chuckle when a hand emerged holding a sheet of paper which was handed to the Captain with a muffled "Just the one, sir, a strange lad, about the same age as me, says he comes from Brittany, but, well, he doesn't seem to know much about the place!" As the Captain read the sheet of paper, he frowned and sighed "Oh, not another one" and said "That's because, he's English. I mean at least the Duke of Buckingham put some effort into my name. Henry becomes Henri, Cardigan becomes de Ceredigion, I mean, what sort of disguise is Greffier de Cantium anyway? They might as well just called him "A Clerk from the county of Kent". Oh well, I'd better go and see him!" and with that bade his lieutenant goodbye who offered a word of advice. "Be careful with him, he's rather clumsy!" *** "Atten-shun!" As the Captain left the headquarters into the bright spring sunshine, all his worst fears were realised, there before was a man, about the same size as Aramis and, if indeed such a thing was possible, even thinner than Aramis. As the cadet stood to attention, his baldric fell down around his feet and with a panicked "Sorry, sir" he replaced the baldric, only for it to fall down again. "Cadet" said the Captain, "would I be right in assuming that you are new in Paris?" The cadet nodded and as he did the captain sighed "That baldric is a good two sizes too large for you, you're nothing like the size of Athos and certainly no Porthos. Still, let's go through some basic drill" and as the Captain commanded "Cadet, march" and drilled the cadet through his paces, he and his alter ego, the Ultimate Musketeer, mused on the new recruit. "Gad, if I had not had seen it with your own eyes, I would never believe it in a million years. All we need is a good breeze and he'd blow away all that back to England!" "True, although why on earth, we need another English Musketeer I cannot say. One's enough, surely!" "Aye, perhaps Charles is worried that you've become too French!" "If that was the case, kindly explain why he has a French wife? Surely me becoming French is a good thing?" "To the point of marrying a French woman, having two French children, becoming captain of the French Royal Guard and being a hero to boot!" "Point taken" smiled Henri as he called the recruit to a halt and was amazed to see the young lad, puffing and panting. "But that wasn't even half a league!" he said to which the recuit panted "Sorry, sir, I am not used to all this marching!" Just as Henri was about to declare this new recruit unfit for service, Athos came haring around the corner, came to a screeching halt, saluted and panted "Captain, find the Ultimate Musketeer, and quickly, the Armoury had caught fire!" As Henri nodded his understand, he dismissed the recruit and calmly walked inside headquarters, once there he ducked into the tunnel that led outside the garrison, dived behind a bush and a moment later the Ultimate Musketeer could be seen runing along the banks of the Seine, faster than a horse to the now well ablaze Armoury where Aramis and Porthos were keeping the gathered crowds safe. As the Musketeer arrived, Porthos moaned with desire, saluted and moaned "There's twenty barrels of gunpowder in there, if it should blow" and then whispered "like my manhood at your sight!" to which the Musketeer declared "Fear not, I am here to help" and was about to dive into the Seine when, as if by magic, the river suddenly froze for a good five hundred pied in both directions. As the Musketeer and Porthos looked at each other, Porthos whispered "Since when could you freeze rivers just by looking at it?", the Musketeer whispered "I can't" as suddenly the river seemed to rise up into the air in front of them. It then hovered over the armoury and then fell, throwing Porthos and Aramis to the ground, the solid river suddenly exploded and rain poured down, putting out the fire, saving Paris and leaving the Musketeer at a complete and utter loss as to what had happened. "Glad to be of assistance" declared a voice above them and as Porthos, Aramis and the Musketeer looked upwards, the Musketeer gasped, Aramis crossed himself and Porthos moaned as he spilled his seed, for there, standing upright with nothing to support him was a man, dressed in an almost blue outfit with a fleur de lys on his chest in bright yellow who nodded and then flew off, like an eagle, away from the scene. "Who, in the name of His Majesty was that?" asked the Musketeer and Aramis in unison, following the flight of the man "I don't know" whispered Porthos, "but if I suck him and spill my seed into you, would you be upset?"