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Survivors III


aurelius

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Survivors III:11-15

 

 

11

 

We swam for a while; then Zuberi and Xander thought we should be off again.  “It’s still a ways to the  training field,” Zuberi said.

 

We took a path to the right, through some trees.  Just when it seemed like the path was going to go on forever, the trees started to become bushes and we saw a clearing ahead.   When we came out of the trees, we saw a wide field with houses along the sides, both to our left and our right.

 

“Those houses belong to our first line of defense,” Xander said.  “The last time the Egyptians attacked, the attacked here—probably because it’s easy to land small boats on the shore.  We weren’t ready.  So, the guys who live here want to be ready for the next attack.”

 

“But what if they don’t attack here?” I couldn’t keep myself from asking.

 

“We have lookouts around the island,” Zuberi said, “Every lookout has a horn to call for reinforcements.  And we are giving each lookout what it needs to make a stand.”  For now, that would have to do.

 

On the training field before us were over 30 young and fit men.  They were throwing spears and checking their distance; they were shooting arrows at targets; they were practice fighting with wooden khepeshes and stabbing words; they were wrestling.  One of them noticed Zuberi and Xander and called to them:

 

“Zuberi!  Xander!  Come practice with us!”

 

Xander answered: “We’re just here showing our new little brothers what we do here.  Do you mind if we bring them closer?  Promise not to spear them?”  The young man laughed.

 

A few more young men stopped what they were doing and looked our way.  Xander picked me up and Zuberi picked up Abari; as they walked into the practice area, young men stopped what they were doing and stood up or came over.  Once again, introductions; once again, Abari got shy and hid in Zuberi’s big arms.  I tried not to feel embarrassed but I still was a little.

 

But things changed the moment one of the young men said to Abari, “So, do you want to become a soldier some day?”

 

Abari froze and stared; then he said, “Soldiers?”  I knew from the tremor in his voice that he was going into a nightmare.  I wiggled and Xander let me get down.  I went over to Zuberi and said, “Let me have him—please.”  Zuberi looked confused.

 

I took Abari and immediately held him close: my hand on his back, his head next to mine.  I whispered to him,  “No, these men are not soldiers.  They will not hurt you.”  Abari whimpered but then he started crying—big, huge sobs that shook his whole body.  I held him as gently and tightly as I could.  Our other brothers looked like Zuberi—confused.  Abari was crying as if his world had just ended.  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lateef put his hand on Garin’s shoulder and whisper, “Go to him, Garin.  He trusts you most.  Tell him how you got over the nightmares.”  Garin nodded.

 

He came up behind me and put his head next to Abari’s and said softly, “I know the nightmare you’re having, little brother.  I used to have them too.  Lateef used to hold me the same way Jabar is holding you now.”  He paused and looked around at Lateef, who nodded and put his arm around Garin’s shoulders.

 

Abari sniffled and looked up at Garin.  “He did?” 

 

“Yes, little brother.  I would have these nightmares about soldiers hurting me.  They were hurting me again and they were big and strong and I couldn’t fight back.  So I cried and cried.  That’s when Lateef would come to me and pick me up and hold me tight.”

 

Abari sniffled some, but I could feel that his violent sobs were ending. “And you didn’t have any more nightmares?”

 

“No; I still had nightmares, but I knew that Lateef was always there to hold me and that calmed me down.  Slowly, the nightmares started to fade away—because I knew I always had Lateef to help me.  And you will always have Jabar to help you.  And me, if you need me.”

 

Lateef was quietly crying.  So was I.  Lateef tightened his arm around Garin’s shoulders and whispered in his ear, “I love you, big guy!”  I looked around.  Xander and Zuberi were also crying.  And then I looked further: almost all of the muscular young men were crying—and those that weren’t were fighting back tears.

 

I turned around and said, “Thank you, Garin.  I think that will really help.”  Abari held me tight around my neck—nearly strangling me—but then he relaxed and turned to Garin, “And I want to thank you, too.  Can I love you as much as Lateef?”

 

Here Lateef laughed through his tears.  He and Garin answered together: “Of course you can!”  And then they both laughed.

 

Zuberi and Xander looked at each other, then at me; they still looked confused, but it seemed in a different way.  I nodded that they should come over.  Zuberi bent down to Abari’s face, “And we will help you whenever you need it.  We promise you—“ and here he swept his arm wide toward all the other big young men—“we will never let those soldiers get near you again.  Right, boys?”

 

“NEVER!” they all shouted—some of them weakly, as they tried to shout through tears.  

 

Abari raised his head from my neck and looked at all the young men in front of him.  “So you will keep the soldiers away from me?”

 

“Yes, we will!”  they said separately, or together in small groups, each young man repeating the phrase.  It suddenly seemed like an oath.  I could feel Abari relax more.  Maybe, in his eyes, he had just gotten another 30 brothers.

 

I gave Abari a hug and a kiss and whispered to him, “Do you think you can get down and let Zuberi and Xander show you more of their military training?”

 

His voice was now stronger: “Maybe, in a little bit—if you and Garin go with me.”

 

“Deal!” said Garin.  “What if Jabar and I hold each of your hands?”

 

Abari brightened; “Yes!  I’d like that!”  And so he wiggled out of my arms, stepped carefully on the ground, took my hand and then took Garin’s hand.  He looked up at each of us.  It was like he was checking to see that we would always be there.  I smiled at Garin:  “See what you’ve gotten yourself into?”

 

“I don’t mind at all,” he said.  “Anything for the little guy!”  

 

”That’s just how I feel,” I said.

 

Abari looked at each of us again, and said, “Let’s go!”

 

 

12

 

It’s always amazing how a little kid can go from tears to smiles.  I’ve seen Abari do it time and again, and it happened again.  Garin and I held his hands; we followed Zuberi and Xander further onto the practice field.  Young men went back to their training areas: they picked up their wooden swords again; they picked up their spears again; they started shooting arrows at their targets.  Zuberi bent down and said, “Little brother, do you want to see the men throwing spears or the men shooting arrows, or the men practicing with swords?”

 

Abari thought for a moment and said, “I want to see the swords.   Can I learn to fight with a sword?”

 

“I think that’s a great idea!” Xander said.  And we headed that way.  He and Zuberi led us to two young men who seemed to be having fun rather than practice fighting with swords.  

 

Xander said, “Akiiki, Amareos!  Do you mind if we bring our little brothers over to watch you practice?”

 

”Not at all!”  One of them turned toward us.  He looked Egyptian and had the biggest smile I had seen in a while; his Nubian partner also paused and smiled at us.

 

Akiiki, the Egyptian said, “Welcome, Abari!  Welcome, Jabar!”

 

“Would you like to practice with my sword?” Amareos came over and offered his sword to Abari, whose eyes widened as he said, “Yes!”

 

Amareos knelt down as he gave his sword to Abari.  “First, hold it in front of you. That’s right!  Now, turn it to your left and then to your right.”  Akiiki had knelt down next to his partner and was showing how to turn the sword left and then right.  Abari quickly got the idea; he immediately started hitting his sword against Akiiki’s sword, turning his sword left and right.  Akiiki turned his sword but didn’t hit Abari’s sword.  I was loving these guys for their restraint.  

 

“That’s the way!” said Amareos.

 

“Look, Jabar! I’m learning how to fight with a sword!”  He smiled up at me; I smiled back.  Amareos said to me, ”Do you want me to find you a sword?”  

 

“No; not this time.  Today is Abari’s day.”  Garin whispered in my ear softly, “Good man!”

 

Abari soon got tired with sword fighting; he wanted to throw a spear.  Zuberi and Xander led us over to that part of the training ground.  Zuberi called out, “Kinya!   Can my little brother see your spear?”

 

“Of course,” said a short but very muscular Nubian.  He came over and showed Abari his spear and then said, “Maybe we should move a bit closer to the target,”

 

“Yes,” Zuberi said, “that would be a good idea.”  Once we got closer to the target, Kinya knelt down and gave Abari his spear.  Then he guided Abari’s hand up so he was holding the spear next to his ear.  He then showed Abari how to stretch out his other arm in front of his body, toward the target. “Now, look ahead at the target and throw the spear as hard as you can.”

 

Abari threw the spear, but it only got about half way to the target.  Meanwhile, another spear hit the next target—right in the middle.

 

‘That’s my friend Tabid—“ Kinya gestured toward a tall Nubian some distance away.  “He throws his spear very well; he almost always hits the center of the target.”

 

“And,” said Xander, “He’s also a very good blacksmith; he works with me and Zuberi in the smithy.” 

 

Tabid got his spear and came over to see us.  “You’ll be able to throw a spear just as well as I can, little one.  You just have to drink some more water and grow some more muscles!”  And here he made a muscle with his arm.  “Yeah!” said Kinya, “more muscles, like mine!”  And he also made a muscle with his arm—a muscle bigger than Tabid’s.

 

“Show off!” said Tabid. 

 

This was just what Abari needed: to see these big young men as big boys—more like Abari than like soldiers.  Garin and I had stopped holding Abari’s hands some time ago.  He had moved away from his tears.  He was meeting new friends.  I was glad Zuberi and Xander were introducing him to other Nubians.  I could relax again.

 

Zuberi bent down to Abari and asked, “Do you want to shoot an arrow or wrestle with anyone?”  

 

“No,” said Abari, “I’m getting tired.  I do want to wrestle—but with you back at our house!”  And he poked Zuberi in his chest and laughed.

 

“That’s a challenge I will happily accept!”   Zuberi looked up at Xander.  “You up for another visit with our dads?”  “Of course,” said Xander.

 

“And,” said Lateef, “the sun is already starting to go down, so we should be heading back.  Are we ready to go?”

 

Abari said, “Yes, but first I have to do something.”  He came over to Garin and me and, his hands fidgeting, said, “Thank you for helping me get out of the nightmare today.”  I bent down and gave him a hug.  “Any time, my brother.”  And big Garin did the same.

 

Garin asked Abari, “Want to ride on my shoulders again?”  Of course Abari did.  It had been a tough day for the kid; Garin picked him up and we started off.  I think all of us were moved by Abari’s nightmare; it raised bad memories in all of us.  So walking along in the quiet was necessary.  Along the way, I learned there was a different path through the trees that came out onto the beach.  By the time we got there, Abari had been asleep for a while.  But when we came out into the sun, he woke up and said, “Look!  There’s our home!”

 

As we all walked into the house, I noticed Amare looked at Gareth, who looked back.  I wondered if they were wondering why everyone was showing up.  But Zuberi filled them in:

 

“Abari has challenged me to a wrestling match!  That’s why Xander and I are here.”  But there was another look exchanged between Amare and Gareth; I don’t think either of them believed that was the only reason why all the brothers were here.

 

Zuberi turned to Abari and said, “You don’t have to wrestle if you’re tired.  I noticed you took a nap on the way home.”

 

“No,” said Abari.  “I still want to wrestle.  But I don’t know how.”

 

“Would it help if Xander and I wrestled?”

 

“Yes!”  I imagined that Abari would love seeing his two big, beautiful older brothers wrestle.  I knew I would.

 

Zuberi added: “But Xander is a much better wrestler than I am.  It’s probably because he’s Greek.”  Xander just smiled and said, ”I’ll go easy on you Zub.” 

 

“OK,” Amare said,  “but you two guys are like bulls—you’ll be breaking the house.  Let’s move down to the sand.”

 

It was just beginning to be twilight.  Amare brought a jug of water down to the sand and he started passing it around.  Xander and Zuberi stretched.  Xander turned to Abari and said, “You need to stand close to the ground, little brother.  Spread your legs wide and your arms wide.  The idea is to grab hold of your opponent and throw him to the ground—like this!”  He reached for Zuberi, who batted Xander’s right hand away, but Xander’s left hand got hold of Zuberi’s arm and soon the two beautiful men were locked: each holding on to the other’s arms or shoulders, struggling to find out who would throw the other down.  Zuberi put up a good fight—and I was happy just to watch their muscles flexing.  It wasn’t easy for Xander, but he finally threw Zuberi to the ground.  Immediately, he helped Zuberi up—and then gave him a kiss.  “I hope you still love me!” he said.  “Of course, you big ox!” and Zuberi slapped Xander on his butt.

 

Abari laughed and clapped his hands.  “Let me try!  Let me try!”

 

“OK, little one,” said Zuberi. 

 

“Please be gentle,” I whispered.  Zuberi gave me a quick nod.

 

“Remember, first you bend over a bit and spread your legs.”  Abari did so, but he was so much smaller than Zuberi it was comic.  Still, I loved that Abari was willing to try.  

 

“Then,” Zuberi said, “You try to grab hold of my arm or shoulder.”  This meant that Zuberi had to spread his legs even further, so he could bend down even lower.  I had to admire how limber he was for someone so big.

 

Abari reached out and tried to grab hold of Zuberi’s arms.  Zuberi let him get hold of the muscle on the outside of his arm—but that’s about all Abari could get hold of.  Clearly, Zuberi was being as gentle as he could.

 

“That’s right, little brother!  Now, you try to turn me over—throw me to the ground.”

 

Abari shifted toward his right—and Zuberi simply rolled over for him.  Xander smiled and said, “Well done, Abari!”  And then he went over to help Zuberi up and whispered, “And well done Zuberi!  I’ll show my gratitude later!” and gave him another kiss.  We all congratulated Abari—and quickly, so that he wouldn’t figure out that Zuberi had in fact let him win.  But Abari was too smart.

 

“You rolled over without me throwing you!” he said.  He looked upset, even angry.

 

Amare came over and knelt in front of Abari: “You have a wonderful brother who wanted you to win because he loves you.”  Immediately, Abari’s face changed.  He ran to Zuberi and said, “And I love you too!”

 

It was deep twilight.  Amare said, “Zuberi and Xander have to walk a ways to get home. They need to be going.”  Quickly, the two tall young men hugged and kissed their fathers, told their dads they loved them, and waved to the rest of us.  Then Garin and Lateef did the same.  That left Amare holding Abari and Gareth and me following as we walked up to the house.

 

Abari was already sleepy.  While Gareth lit torches, Amare took Abari to his bed, kissed him and said “Goodnight, my son.”  Abari mumbled something that sounded like “Goodnight father”.  Then Amare came back to the other side of the big room where Gareth and I were sitting.

 

“So,” Amare said, “something happened.  What was it?”

 

“You guys don’t miss a thing, do you?” I said.

 

“Jabar,” Gareth said, “We’ve brought up four boys; we know when something has happened!”

 

I had to fill them in.  “When we got to the military training ground, some of the soldiers hollered at Xander and Zuberi.  One came over and asked Abari if he wanted to be a soldier when he got bigger.  The word “soldier” sent Abari into a tail spin.  I jumped down from Xander’s arms and asked Zuberi to give Abari to me.  Soon he was in my arms and sobbing violently.  I held him and whispered to him, but he kept sobbing.  Lateef suggested to Garin that he tell Abari about his own nightmares.  Garin was wonderful!  He came up behind me and softly told Abari how Lateef had to hold him when he was younger, because he had bad nightmares.  And how Lateef held him the same way I held Abari.  Before Garin was finished with his story, Lateef was crying, I was crying, Xander and Zuberi were crying—in fact, all the young men at the training field were crying.  Then Zuberi came over and said he and Xander and all the men there—he waved his big arm at all of them—would make sure that the soldiers would never hurt Abari again.  All the men said they would.  I swear it was like an oath.  Abari stopped crying.  I asked if he was ready to see the military training, and Abari said he was almost ready.  But Garin suggested that he and I hold each of Abari’s hands—and that did the trick.  Abari got to play with swords and throw a spear, and then he said he wanted to wrestle with Zuberi—but at home.  So we came home.”

 

“Well,” Amare said, “We’ve been talking about when something like this would happen.  Abari has been so happy, we wondered if something would break the spell.”

 

“I’m just glad you recognized what was happening,” Gareth said.  “And I’m very glad that Lateef urged Garin to talk to Abari.  Garin doesn’t seem to be smart, but his heart is good.”

 

“He spoke from his heart and that’s just what Abari needed.”

 

“And now,” Amare got up and started putting out the torches, “We should go to bed.”

 

“Come to bed with me?” Gareth asked.

 

“Of course.  I like your arm around me!”  Gareth smiled.

 

 

13

 

A thunderclap woke me up.   Soon I heard “Jabar!” from Abari.  As soon as I heard it, Gareth moved his arm away from me.  I said, “I’m here!” and Abari crawled over to me.  Soon I was holding him in my arms saying, “It’s only a storm, it’s only a storm” as he quieted down.  We were two kids surrounded by two protective fathers: behind Abari was the huge Amare; behind me was the less huge but muscular Gareth.  Moreover, Amare shifted closer to Abari and me, and Gareth shifted closer as well.  I could feel their body heat envelope Abari and me as if it were a cocoon.  And I loved the way each of them smelled: Amare always smelled like he had just risen out of the earth; Gareth always smelled a little salty, like the sea: earth and water; I liked that.  I thought Abari and I were the most protected boys in the world.  

 

I sighed.  I had a father.  I didn’t want to remember my actual father but thinking the word “father” brought him back in my head.  After my mother died, he sold me into slavery for beer.  So, I had trouble with the word “father” and that’s why Gareth had to prompt me to say it.  But I did love Gareth—or rather, I was learning how to love Gareth as my father.  I wished I was as innocent and trusting as Abari, who clearly loved Amare deeply.  But I had been suspicious for so long; I had to think of ways to keep Abari away from soldiers who would fuck him all night if they could.  Or keep me away from soldiers who would fuck me.  These are not things I could forget.  Still, when I felt Gareth’s thick arm again on my arms around Abari, I was able to go back to sleep.

 

In the morning, we had a visitor in the house: a cat.  “Bastet shows up from time to time,” Amare said, “especially when there’s a storm.  We named her after the goddess, since we can use any and all protection.  Besides, Bastet and the other cats on the island keep the mouse population down!”

 

“And,” he added, “several cats always show up when Gareth brings fish in from the sea!”

 

I looked around; Gareth was not in the house.  But Bastet was interested in Abari.  She was rubbing against his legs and purring.  When he reached to pet her, she even licked his fingers.  “Look, Jabar!  She likes me!”

 

I noticed that Abari’s fingers were a bit longer today than they were yesterday.  I felt pretty much the same, but Abari seemed to be willing himself to get bigger as fast as he could.  I wondered if it was Amare: if simply being close to Amare would make a boy bigger.  It seemed to have worked for Garin; maybe it was working on Abari.  I guessed at some calculations in my head: at this rate, Abari would be bigger than me within weeks!  But then, it looked like it hadn’t worked that well for Zuberi, since he and Xander were pretty much the same size—both big and muscular, but there wasn’t much difference otherwise.

 

Amare had already poured out our morning water in cups on the table.  Gareth suddenly came up behind him, kissed his neck slowly—Amare smiled broadly—and said softly, “I thought I’d take the boys swimming for awhile.”

 

“That’s fine with me,” Amare whispered.  “You know I have to see Garin this morning,”

 

“Yes, I know,” Gareth said, then he leaned in to whisper, “That’s why I slipped over to see Lateef early.“  Then he said more loudly, “I thought I’d take the boys swimming.  Say ‘hi’ to the middle boys for me.”

 

“‘Middle boys’?”  Amare paused.  “Well, I guess you’re right—as usual; we now have older boys, middle boys and younger boys!”

 

We sat on the ground and Amare passed around the cups of water.  As we drank he said, “I have to go see Garin about something this morning.”  And Gareth added, “So I thought we’d go for a swim again.”

 

“Aw, I want father Amare to come too!” said Abari.  He pouted.

 

“Sorry, my son, but I have to see Garin.  You know we do have other sons, don’t you?  Your new brothers are also our sons,” he said smiling.

 

“Oh, I know.  And I love them all!  Father Gareth, will you throw me like father Amare does?”

 

“I can’t throw you as high as my love can, but—“

 

“He can throw you high enough,” I interrupted, “Probably higher than he threw me!”

 

So, as Amare headed over to Lateef and Garin’s place, Gareth took Abari and me down to the water again.  We were all three splashing each other—and I noticed Gareth was splashing me a bit harder than he was splashing Abari, which was fine with me.  Then, of course, we took turns asking Gareth to throw us.  Abari of course went first.  When he splashed down and came back up he said, “That was great!  Almost as good as Amare!”  Gareth just smiled and threw me.

 

We got thrown three or four times when Gareth did not throw Abari.  Instead, he turned, handed Abari to me and said, “Take your brother and get out of the water—now!”  I wanted to ask why, but I knew from his voice that I should do what he said.  So I picked up Abari, got out of the water, and stood at the water’s edge.  Gareth walked into the sea.  He was walking toward a dark fin that was coming toward the shore.

 

Suddenly, he raised both his hands above his head; his fingers were laced.  He brought his combined fists down with a strength and speed that was shocking to see.  His combined fists smacked the blunt nose of a shark—and as the shark, stunned, rolled over, I could see how very big it was.  Gareth backed well away from the shark.  He put his hands to his mouth and turned toward Lateef and Garin’s house:  “Amare!  SHARK!”

 

Whatever Amare had been doing at Garin’s house, it must have been over, because he ran out of their house—more rapidly than I thought a man that huge could run—and toward the shore.  Just outside Lateef and Garin’s house, he picked up a big piece of wood.  He splashed into the water, took the piece of wood and slammed it down on the shark’s head.  The wood shattered; the shark’s head cracked open, blood pouring out.

 

Garin and Lateef were close behind Amare.  They were at the water’s edge when Amare turned to them and said, “This guy’s pretty big.  It will take all of us to pull and push and roll him onto the sand.”  And it did.  Gareth swam around the shark and pushed it toward the shore.  Amare walked around to the shark’s tail fin and started pulling it.  As the shark got closer to shore, Garin and Lateef helped roll it onto shore and up toward a pile of boulders.

 

“Well, my love, it looks like Bastet knew you were going to bring some fish in from the sea today!”  Amare put his huge arm around Gareth and they both laughed.

 

“I guess we’ll have to cook the beast and have a feast!”  Gareth smiled at his rhyme.  “Let’s find some dry wood and pile these boulders into something where we can cook this beast!”  Lateef and Garin immediately ran up the hill and into the trees.  It didn’t take them all that long before they came back, their arms full of pieces of wood.

 

Meanwhile, Amare and Gareth had been moving boulders around as if they were little stones.  They walked along side of the shark carcass to see how long it was; then they assembled the boulders so there would be enough support for the shark and yet room enough to hold a couple of fires beneath the beast.

 

Gareth and Amare rolled and then lifted the shark up onto the just-made fireplace.  Gareth went off to the house and brought back flints and straw to start the fires.  As he started the fires, Gareth turned to Garin and Lateef and said, “Run to your brothers’ house; if they aren’t there, Lateef, you run on to the smithy.  Have Zuberi and Xander invite anyone they want to come to our shark feast.  And Garin, you go up the hill to all the nearby houses and invite anyone else who wants to share our feast.”

 

“And tell Zuberi and Xander to stop by the pool and fill up a jug or two with water!” Amare called after Lateef.  And then he called after Garin, “And ask men to bring water jugs if they can!”

 

After Garin and Lateef had gone, Gareth turned to Abari and me: “This wood will give us a good start, but we’ll need more wood.  Can you boys go find some?”  My little brother and I ran off up the hill and under the trees to hunt for pieces of wood.

 

 

14

 

We had to hunt for more wood a couple more times.  The shark was big; Amare and Gareth had to work together to turn the thing, and the fires beneath it had to be constantly fed.  But soon Garin came back, and he brought more wood as he came down the hill.  But then Abari wanted to go with him to find wood.  Of course, first Garin had to find the wood and then point it out to Abari, and then Abari had to pick it up and put it in Garin’s meaty arms.  I actually gathered more wood than the two of them.

 

But other men, both young and older, started showing up.  Lateef came back and said that Xander and Zuberi had gone off to the training field, to bring more of their friends to the feast.  Garin had notified men from a part of the island where Abari and I had never been.  So, when these men started walking down the hill to the shore, they were all new to me.  One of them was nearly as big as Amare.  But Amare and Gareth greeted the new men with hugs, so they must have been friends.  When Garin and Abari got back with a load of wood, Garin was sent to find wood on his own, so that Amare and Gareth could introduce Abari and me to these new men.

 

Once more, lots of “Welcome, Abari!” and “Welcome, Jabar!”  And once more, Abari hid in Amare’s big arms and I tried not to be embarrassed.  It didn’t take long for someone to say that a shark feast was a fine way to welcome Abari and me.

 

But also there was lots of re-telling of the Shark Story: how Gareth was swimming with Abari and me; how he noticed a fin coming directly toward us—“He must have gotten disoriented during the storm last night” was the only new thing I heard Gareth say; how I picked up Abari and got out of the water; how Gareth slammed his doubled fists down on the shark’s nose and then called for Amare; how Amare picked up a small log and shattered it on the shark’s head and killed it.

 

Gareth told the story once; Amare told the story once.  Then, as other men arrived, the men who had heard the story first told it to the new arrivals.  Meanwhile, Gareth went up to the house and brought back a couple of knives.

 

Then Xander and Zuberi seemed to lead an army of young men out of the trees at the end of the beach—what a parade of muscle!  They were all coming from the training ground.  Both Xander and Zuberi also carried water jugs, so they had stopped by the pool to bring more water.  I allowed myself to wonder whether they did so because the water would be needed—or if they did it because they loved their fathers.  My hunch was the second reason.

 

Eventually the shark had been roasted.  Gareth and Amare started cutting off slices and handing them around.  They gave Abari and me the first slices; then they gave slices to the older men.  None of the younger men objected.  In fact, eating the shark meat seemed entirely secondary to men talking with each other, hugging each other, laughing.  They listened to Garin tell the Shark Story again.  I noticed that Garin changed some facts: for instance, the shark’s mouth was full open and about to bite into Gareth’s arm.  Lateef gave him a look and then said, “You know, our fathers were heroic enough; you don’t have to make them even bigger heroes.”  To which Garin said, “Well, they’re the best heroes to me, so why not?”

 

But, since Garin’s voice was loud and carried, Amare overheard and came over: “No, my son.  Lateef is right.  There’s no need to make us heroic.  We just did what needed to be done.”  Rather than feel embarrassed, Garin threw himself at his dad, wrapped his muscular arms around his dad’s massive body, and said, “I love you so much!”  Then Amare was the one who was a little embarrassed.  He went back to slicing up the shark and handing pieces to the young men who had just gotten there.

 

Abari and I took bites from our slices of shark.  It felt strange, eating solid food.  It tasted, well, strange.  Abari looked up at me and said, “It tastes salty.  I don’t think I like it.” 

 

“I know,” I said, “But I’m going to eat it all because our fathers killed the beast and to throw my piece away seems disrespectful.”

 

Abari seemed surprised.  “I didn’t think of that!”  And he took a bite.  “It tastes better now—but I’ll have to have some water too!”   There were several jugs circulating.  I got one, took a sip, and then Abari took a sip.

 

Abari looked around: he wanted so much to get close to Amare, but both fathers wanted him further away from the fires.  So he stood next to me, even holding my hand for awhile.  “There’s so many big men here, Jabar!”  “Yes, there are, but everyone seems to be having a good time.”  “I know, I know, but I wish it was just you, me and our fathers—and maybe Garin and Lateef and Zuberi and Xander.”  

 

“But,” I said softly, bending down just a little, since the boy was growing, “We’re going to have to meet more people eventually, since we’ll want to explore more of the island.”  “You’re right!” he said, “I guess you are the smart one, just like Garin said!”

 

I noticed that no one asked for seconds.  But several young men asked for a drink from the water jugs circulating.  It looked like a feast wasn’t so much a matter of eating as it was a chance to gather and talk, tell stories and—

 

One of the young men said, “We should play a game of coconut!”  To which several other young men said. “Yes!  Someone go knock a tree and get us a coconut!”  A young man ran off down the beach.  And someone else said, ‘“And we need to pick sides.  Zuberi and Xander—you want to be captains of the two sides?”  Zuberi looked at Xander and said, “You know I still love you,” to which Xander said, “And I’ll always love you, but during a game, I’ll be coming after you!” “That’s what I’m afraid of!” and Zuberi laughed.

 

Sides were chosen quickly.  It seemed, in fact, that they chose themselves, since one man would insist on bringing along another one or two to his side—and that was true of each side.  Clearly, these guys had played this game before.  Meanwhile, our fathers and all the other older men—though no one looked old; they all looked like they were in their thirties—seemed delighted that there would be a game to watch.  They knew just where to sit: along the bushes at the edge of the beach.  And while Garin was invited to join Xander’s team, Lateef settled down next to Gareth and he motioned for Abari and me to come over.  Abari, of course, immediately sat in Amare’s lap; I was happy to sit with Lateef next to Gareth.

 

Big boulders were put on the sandy beach.  One was closer to what remained of the now-very-sliced-up shark.  The other boulder was placed closer to the trees at the end of the beach.  I guessed the boulders set the ends of the playing area.  Then Zuberi turned to Gareth and said, “Father, will you be the judge when we argue?  And will you throw the coconut to start the game?”  Gareth got up; he caught the coconut which a young man tossed to him, and said, “Let’s have a fair and clean game—no tripping or hitting or slamming an opposing player’s head into the sand.  Got it?”  These last two words were said loudly as he looked at the two teams—and he looked a bit angry when he said them.

 

I had no idea what the game involved, but I was interested.  How could I not be?  Although I had seen most of these beautiful well-muscled men at the training ground, this time they were closer together and their muscles seemed even bigger.  Besides, at the training ground I soon became focused on helping Abari through a nightmare.  But here, they were on display: Egyptian, Nubian, Greek and even northern barbarians like Garin—their bodies gleamed under the sun.  The two teams approached each other; the men on each side were close together; as the two teams got close to each other, they started to try to hold on to a man on the opposite team.  Usually these holds never stayed: men brushed them off, shook them off, even though more hands reached out and tried to hold onto a man on the other side.  And sometimes, men liked the feel of an opponent’s hand on their arm or shoulder; there were little smiles that passed between the lines.  Meanwhile, Gareth tossed the coconut up in the air and caught it a couple of times.  When both Xander and Zuberi looked at their father, Gareth tossed the coconut on the ground between the two teams.

 

Immediately, men from each team tried to kick the coconut backwards.  Someone on Zuberi’s team kicked it behind their line—and the line immediately broke up, some men heading for the coconut and others trying to block men from Xander’s team from running after the coconut.

 

A man from Zuberi’s team picked up the coconut and started to run toward the boulder furthest away from him.  As he did so, men from Xander’s team tried to catch him and bring him down.  After a couple of attempts, the man was brought down—but not before he had thrown the coconut backwards to another man on his team.  And then the playing started again.

 

Until a man from Xander’s team knocked the coconut free; it bounced around on the sand a bit until a man from Xander’s team picked it up and started to run with the coconut back the other way: toward the boulder near the shark.  Suddenly I realized the man with the coconut was Garin!  And although he was not as fast as Lateef, he was fast!  And with one big arm, he pushed aside two or three of Zuberi’s men as he made his way down the field.  Soon Abari was jumping up and down in the sand in front of Amare, saying ‘’Go, Garin!”  And Lateef was standing up, yelling the same thing.  Amare was looking at Gareth and Gareth was looking at Amare—both smiling, though it seemed like each was fighting an urge to cheer for Garin.  How could they?  Cheering for Garin would mean cheering against Zuberi.

 

But the game was not over.  After he had touched the boulder with the coconut, Garin tossed it to Gareth.  The two lines formed up again, Gareth tossed the coconut between the two lines, and the game began again.  In this second part, Zuberi eventually got the coconut and carried it down the field.  Xander pursued him, and it seemed to me that Xander could have brought Zuberi down but hesitated.  Maybe he heard Abari yelling “Go, Zuberi!” and that made him hesitate.  Indeed, one of his teammates later yelled at Xander, “You’re being too nice to your brother!”  But Zuberi shot Xander a smile as he walked up the beach after scoring and tossing the coconut to Gareth.

 

The game went on and on.  What was a curiosity at first became less and less interesting to me—and to Lateef.  However, to be fair, I think both of us liked watching the two teams face off against each other, with the muscular arms of men on each side straining to take hold of a man on the opposite side.  In fact, Lateef and I caught each other smiling as we watched.  I think we each knew why we were enjoying the scene.  But Abari was excited by every play.  After all, he had brothers on either side.  And when any of his brothers had the coconut, Abari was cheering him on.

 

What seemed to end the game was the convergence of two facts: 1) the sun began to go down, and 2) everyone was out of water.  Xander’s team won by one point.  Amare and Gareth were pleased: “Good game!” Amare said.  “Yes, and a pretty clean game, too,” answered Gareth, adding, “I wonder if our youngest son somehow reminded players to keep things clean.”  “That’s a real possibility,” said Amare.

 

Men started to leave.  Teammates embraced and even kissed, said goodbye and went their separate ways—some men from opposite teams embracing and kissing as they went off under the trees or up the hill.  In fact, some young men kissed for a while.  Older men waved to Amare and Gareth and said, “Thanks for the feast and the good time!” as they also left the beach.  Soon, Abari had gotten back his own family.  He ran around, embracing Zuberi’s and Xander’s legs, saying “You both played great!  I loved watching this game!  Thank you so much!”  And when Garin came by, Abari jumped into his arms and said, “You were great!  I want to play coconut just like you!”

 

Of course Garin answered with, “And some day you will!”  Then, hefting Abari a little he said, “You’re heavier!  You may be playing coconut pretty soon!”

 

“Yes!” said Abari, “I’m growing big and strong just like you and father Amare!”

 

We all went up to the house, to have some water and relax.  On our way to the house, I turned and noticed that the fires had completely died out and a half dozen cats were picking at the carcass of the shark.

 

 

15

 

Near the house, Lateef turned to me and said, “How did you like your first game of coconut?”

 

“I enjoyed watching our brothers—although not as much as Abari did!”  Lateef chuckled and said, “I don’t think anyone enjoyed the game as much as our little brother!”  “And I have to admit, seeing all that beautiful muscle was very impressive!”   Lateef looked at me, put his arm around my shoulders and said, “You’re growing up, my brother!”  

 

“But,” I said, “it’s not a game I want to play.”  Lateef smiled and said, “Neither do I.  See?  We are a lot alike!  And I too enjoy watching beautiful men flexing their muscles against each other, and then running and trying to bring each other down.  And, of course, I love Garin—can’t keep my eyes off him!”

 

“Neither could I!”  I paused; I didn’t want Lateef to know how much I lusted after our brother. “You are one lucky young man!”  Lateef smiled and said, “I know!”

 

We had fallen behind the others.  By the time we got to the house, everyone else was seated on the floor with cups of water in front of them.

 

“Come, my sons!”  Gareth said, waving to us as we came in the house, “Join your brothers!”

 

“Certainly, dad,” said Lateef, “Jabar and I were once more discovering ways in which we are alike.”

 

“That’s great!” said Gareth. “But here, we’re listening to your brother Garin re-telling his exploits in the game!”

 

Indeed, Garin was all smiles and excitement.  Was this his first game of coconut?  Abari was in his lap, smiling up at Garin’s face as he told again how he got the coconut and sped down the field, pushing away opponents who tried to bring him down.  He suddenly looked at Zuberi:

 

“I saw you hanging back.  Did you hang back so I could have an easier run?”

 

“Well, how would it look if I brought you down right in front of our little brother who loves you so much?”  Zuberi smiled as he said it.  Abari thought for a minute and said, “Then you held yourself back because of me?”

 

“Yes, little brother.”

 

“But you could have brought Garin down if you tried harder?”

 

“Well, maybe; Garin’s pretty strong and fast!”

 

Gareth then said, “And I think Zuberi wasn’t the only man holding himself back.”  He turned toward Xander.

 

For someone so strong, so virile and beautiful, it was always strange to me to see Xander blush, but he did.  “Yeah, I could have run faster and brought Zuberi down, but I just couldn’t do it in front of our little brother.”  

 

“Oh, you big oaf!  I knew you were holding yourself back!”  And Zuberi reached over, put his big arms on Xander’s muscular shoulders and brought their faces together.  They kissed—long and erotically.  This was no friendly, brotherly kiss.  Abari’s mouth fell open; he was shocked.

 

And just as suddenly, Zuberi stopped kissing Xander, who was nearly as shocked as Abari.  Zuberi said, “Forgive me!  I think I got carried away.”

 

“Yes, you did,” said Amare, who was frowning.

 

“I’m sorry, little brother,” Zuberi said to Abari.  Amare’s frown went away.

 

But Gareth thought we should talk about it: “You know,” he said as he turned to Abari, “that Zuberi loves Xander, and Xander loves him back.  They love each other more than brothers.  When people love each other a lot, they often kiss long and deeply, like Zuberi and Xander did.”

 

“They do?”  Abari’s confusion mounted.  He thought for a moment, then said, “Do you and father Amare kiss that way too?”

 

“Yes, we do,” and Gareth put his arm around Amare’s massive shoulders and looked into his eyes.  And then they kissed—maybe not as long and erotically as Zuberi and Xander, but long enough. 

 

“But I’ve never seen you kiss like that before!”  I was proud of my little brother.  He wasn’t trapped by his shock; he was working his way out of it.  I looked at Lateef, who smiled at me.

 

“You do know,” Amare said, coming out of his erotic glow, “that you don’t see us all the time, every day—you know that, yes?”

 

“Yes.  Me and Jabar go with Garin and Lateef to see Zuberi and Xander, and we go to places around the island.”

 

“So, you realize that Amare and I have time to ourselves, yes?” Gareth seemed to want to make sure Abari was thinking this through.

 

“And that’s when you kiss like that?”

 

“Yes.”  And Gareth put his arms around Amare and kissed him again.  And this time, it was more erotic.  Gareth’s hands were clenching onto Amare’s huge muscles, and Amare’s hands were feeling Gareth’s big arms.  I found that a little strange.  Of course Gareth would want to feel Amare’s big muscles, but big Amare liked Gareth’s muscles too.  I enjoyed the show—as did my older brothers—but I wasn’t sure how Abari felt about it.  His mouth was open, but the shock seemed a bit less—was he already getting used to the idea of his fathers kissing each other?

 

As he had before, Garin provided a way out: “Little brother, you’re growing up fast—just like I did.  You’re getting bigger and I imagine your muscles will start getting bigger too.  One of these days you’ll be as big as Jabar!”  Here, he looked at me.  I said, “Yeah, I’ve already figured that out.  I just hope he won’t beat me up!”

 

We were back to a place Abari understood.  He looked shocked again, but for a different reason.  He ran to me: “No, Jabar, I will never—EVER—beat you up!”  He put his arms around my neck and said, “I love you—and I’ve loved you longest of all of my brothers!”  

 

“Thanks, my beautiful Abari!“ and I kissed him—on the cheek. I figured he’d seen enough long erotic kisses.   He kissed me back.

 

It was turning dark; Gareth got up and lit some torches, but Garin knew there was more to be said: “And when you get bigger, your whole body will change.  You won’t just get muscle; you may get hair in places on your body where you don’t have any hair now—like father Gareth has hair on his chest.  You’ll get hair around your privates—“ and here he pointed to the little bit of pale hair that peaked out from behind the snakeskin he wore.  “And other men will get more hair around their privates—like Xander has.”  Indeed, Xander had hair on his stomach and on his legs.  “But each man develops differently, and there’s no better or worse way to be.  Zuberi still loves Xander, even if Zuberi has little hair and Xander has more hair.”  And Zuberi nodded—and kissed Xander again.

 

Amare smiled.  “What your brother is saying is that brothers can love each other—as you love Garin—but that some brothers love each other more and in different ways.  Garin loves Lateef the same way that Zuberi loves Xander.”  As if this was a signal, Lateef took hold of his bigger brother’s shoulders, spun him around, and they started a long erotic kiss, with Lateef’s hands roaming Garin’s muscles and Garin’s hands enveloping Lateef’s more slender body.

 

“It may seem a bit overwhelming right now, my son,” Amare said, looking at Abari with what I could only see as loving eyes, “but Garin’s right: you are growing and changing, and sooner than you expect”—and here he looked around at all of us—“or that any of us expect, I imagine— you may be growing up and changing.  And I don’t want you to be scared by these changes—or scared by the changes in the way you feel towards your brothers or to other men.”  He paused, looking squarely at Abari.  “Do you understand, my son?”

 

“Not really, except that you are trying to prepare me for changes in my body that are starting.  Am I right?” 

 

“Yes,” Amare said, smiling, “you are right!”  And he signaled for Abari to come to him.  Abari never needed much prompting to jump into Amare’s arms.

 

“And now, I hope Xander and Zuberi can get home without spraining an ankle,” Amare said.

 

“Don’t worry, father,” Xander said, “We have each other to help us along the way.”  And here Xander gave Zuberi a kiss—for a change.  The brothers got up and did the goodbye ritual; Gareth stood up to receive hugs and kisses; with Abari still in Amare’s lap, Zuberi and Xander bent down to give hugs and kisses.  

 

By the time Lateef and Garin had completed their goodbyes and left, Abari was asleep in Amare’s lap.  Amare took him to his bed and returned to talk with Gareth and me.

 

“Do you think we pushed him too much?” Amare looked at each of us; Gareth looked at me.

 

”It was a push, but I’ve always been impressed by Abari’s resilience.  I think he was shocked at Zuberi’s kissing Xander, but less shocked when you two kissed, and by the time Lateef manhandled Garin for a kiss, I think Abari had gotten over his shock.

 

“Yes,” Amare said, smiling, “that was funny, watching Lateef manhandle Garin.”

 

“The boy knows what he likes—and he’s been crazy about Garin for years,” said Gareth.  “Somehow, their love works.”

 

“I know,” I said, “Lateef was lusting after Garin as we were watching him running on the field.”

 

Amare put his hand on my knee.  “Just wait—in a week, you’ll be feeling the same way about a big, muscular Abari!”

 

“By then,” Gareth said, “You’ll use that big brain of yours to figure out how to talk to Abari about fucking!”

 

“I sure hope so,” I said, smiling.  

 

“But until then, you’re still my little Jabar, whom I love to cuddle!”  Gareth got up, picked me up and carried me to bed.

 

“But,” I said, “I’m not that little any more!”

 

“I know,” said Gareth, “which is why I have to cuddle you now!”  And he kissed my cheek and held me tight.

 

 

 

 

 

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