I Can Fix Him (Complete story, 1/16/23, Bonus Material added 1/23/23)

[Acd]

They are obviously destined for love, but they can't be together, is there anything sadder in the world? Thank you for writing us such a sad and romantic story.

[gman34]

This was really well written.

[TQuintA]

Whenever I finish a story on this site, I like to give some bonus behind the scenes material. 

 

One of the big behind the scenes moments I have already somewhat shared: I was terrified to post this story. 

 

While Gabriel and I are very different people, most notably in that he is a cis man and I am not (nor am I a bodybuilder), some of the things Gabriel says and experiences are incredibly personal to me and were vulnerable to share.  They felt as if they were torn right out of my diary. 

 

It’s one of the reasons I set this story 15 years in the past—so my personal timeline would more closely reflect Gabriel’s.  I, too, went to college in Western Pennsylvania in the early 2000s, and I, too, lived in a suburb of Pittsburgh after graduating, though for a much shorter period of time than Gabriel.  As such, some—not all—of the comments readers made about Gabriel felt to me as if readers were saying them about me.  I had to constantly remind myself that Gabriel is a fictional character completely distinct from me.  Thankfully, really early in the writing process, back while I was prewriting, I decided to make the POV character Auggie to help me keep Gabriel more separate from me because I anticipated this very issue, especially because of the setting I chose.  In my earliest notes, Gabriel was the POV character.

 

Also, before I finished the rough draft, I was originally planning to conduct a poll to determine how the story would end after all but the last chapter and epilogue had been posted.  Whichever choice got the most votes was going to be the ending I wrote.  However, each of the six choices I initially brainstormed would force the audience to compromise in one way or another.  Here were the planned choices:

 

1.     Johnny was right, and the drug trial makes Gabriel a sexual being, but he becomes attracted to Douglas, not Auggie.

2.     Johnny was right, and the drug trial makes Gabriel a sexual being, but he becomes attracted to Bridget, not Auggie.

3.     Johnny was wrong, and the drug trial doesn’t make Gabriel a sexual being, so Auggie moves out, never to see Gabriel again.

4.     Johnny was wrong, and the drug trial doesn’t make Gabriel a sexual being, so Auggie moves out, but he and Gabriel remain close friends.

5.     Johnny was wrong, and the drug trial doesn’t make Gabriel a sexual being, but Auggie agrees to a sexless marriage with Gabriel.

6.     Johnny was wrong, and the drug trial doesn’t make Gabriel a sexual being, so Auggie, Gabriel, and Michael form a throuple: Michael is really just there for Auggie’s sexual gratification, and Michael is A-Okay with the arrangement.

 

I was pretty sure either #4 or 5 would win, and even toyed making them the only two choices.  Then, as I was writing, I decided that I like ending #4 the best, and this is my story, dammit, so I dropped the whole poll idea altogether and just wrote ending #4.  Although I never wrote any of the other endings, I did prewrite them (because I am the Monarch of Prewriting), and some of the planting for those potential endings lingered into the finished product I posted here.

 

A number of you also commented that I barely described Auggie’s appearance.  That was intentional.  If ending #1 or 2 won, I was going to have Gabriel describe Auggie in the last chapter in a way that started sexual but then revealed the REAL object of Gabriel’s affection.  If any of the other endings happened, the lack of Auggie’s description was a choice on my part to reflect that Gabriel doesn’t see him sexually.  Love it or hate it, it was a conscious choice on my part.

 

Reading your comments and debates on this story was a delightful riot for me.  I was pleasantly surprised how many of you engaged with this story on its own terms, even predicting some of the choices I was going to give for the ending in the poll that never happened. 

 

Thanks for reading, and thanks for the digital love

[Ozymandias]

Thanks for sharing that info, TQ. This was brilliantly written and deeply immersive; Auggie was a great cypher for us readers. Ultimately, I think this story was a marvellous advocate for being yourself and facing reality, even if painful. Trying to be something they weren’t was destroying both of them; accepting what could never be liberated them both.

[Acd]

My favourite ending is 5, but it is not fair to Auggie.

[Acd]

I suddenly had an idea of how Gabriel would react if Auggie suddenly lost his memory, but he remembered everyone and just didn't remember Gabriel.

[jwood]

It's not very often that I feel the urge to thank the author for writing their story, but this is one of those times.  Just simply having the representation of a character like Gabriel was a bold and wonderful choice, but digging deeper into his actions and his emotions to humanize and normalize him and everyone like him... it's hard to express any clearer than to say I am incredibly glad you wrote this.

While the ending was different than the numerous scenarios I imagined (I'm sure a few more scoops of ice cream could have boosted Gabriel to 420 lbs and 6.9% body fat lol), I know you opened up a lot of our eyes to people who are "different," to people who, at a first glance seem like they need to be "fixed," but who actually need to be understood and loved the way they wish to be loved.  In reality, our personal biases need to be fixed, and we need to keep listening and keep learning so we do not forget what it truly means to love someone.

This may have been a work of fiction, but the people and the emotions and the lessons were very real, and that's what makes a good story a great story.  Thank you for sharing your work, TQuinta, and I look forward to your next love and muscle-packed adventure!

[Mdlftr]

With FULL CREDIT to @jwood

 

 I know you opened up a lot of our eyes to people who are "different," to people who, at a first glance seem like they need to be "fixed," but who actually need to be understood and loved the way they wish to be loved.  In reality, our personal biases need to be fixed, and we need to keep listening and keep learning so we do not forget what it truly means to love someone.

 

THIS IS WHAT I WAS TRYING TO STATE TO MYSELF.  YES, our personal biases are what need to be "fixed" - like a cat!

 

[ploder4]

We have to make sure that it is stated. Bias is one thing, but in Auggies case, what makes him feel whole? Can he really be whole without a sexual relationship? Also, if Auggie is biased does Auggie need to be fixed as a person?

 

 

[jwood]

14 hours ago, ploder4 said:

We have to make sure that it is stated. Bias is one thing, but in Auggies case, what makes him feel whole? Can he really be whole without a sexual relationship? Also, if Auggie is biased does Auggie need to be fixed as a person?

 

 

I like to think of bias as the shortcuts I have learned or have been taught to draw conclusions (mostly false) about something or someone.  They are usually negative, but some of them can have positive connotations, like the concept that someone looks "smarter" wearing glasses or a really big guy gives great hugs.

Even the concept of marriage can be that way, and that's what I disliked about Auggie.  It wasn't the thought that he had to have sex to be "complete."  He had to be MARRIED to be "complete."  The idea that we have to either be with one person for the rest of our lives or be alone is an incredibly difficult duality to break, and Auggie would not take any alternative.

He did not think it was possible to love more than one person at the same time, but this is something almost everybody experiences in their life!  He did not have to force marriage upon Gabriel, nor did he have to move out.  Both Douglas and Gabriel offered the option of a polyamorous relationship, but Auggie was obstinately set on having sex before marriage and then getting married, no ifs, ands, or buts.  One person could have been more fulfilling of his physical needs, and the other fulfilling his intellectual and emotional needs, but, of course, this kind of relationship would need an incredible amount of communication and understanding.  Alas, they broke up, and Auggie was still single months after, despite Gabriel being sure he would find someone in days.

Ultimately, to me, it seemed like marriage was the thing Auggie felt would make himself whole, not sex.  As a result, I thought he was the person who actually needed to be "fixed."  If he had considered an alternative, his relationship with Gabriel could have turned out more positive... but we'll just have to imagine the what ifs!