NoLongerActive Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 This is my first story, I’d really appreciate the constructive criticism!! ———-————————————- Part 1 “Well.. I guess If I tell you the story I have to start at the beginning.” ”Well where else would you start?” ”Hey If I’m going to do you this favor, y-you can’t be short with me” ”Well no one can be shorter than you, really” ”Ok, never mind, forget I even came here. Clearly this is a waste of my time, I’ll go to Scott then.” ”No No, I’m sorry, please continue. I’ll be quiet.” ”Good. Now, I believe I met Claude when I moved into Goldman Dorm at the start of the fall semester. I already had my bachelors because of the collegiate academy so everyone in the dorm was a good 3 years older than me. Of course, Claude was my roommate, or dorm mate, I don’t know— but of course he was your stereotypical college football all star. I walked in, and even though he had only been in the room for an hour, he somehow already made it a wreck. I tend to be someone who makes snap judgements, and I was about to hate him forever until I saw his beaming smile as he said “Welcome, Steven!” Which seemed to be exclaimed in the most jovial tone possible. He, like most of the football players, was quite a sexy guy, to say it bluntly. He was at least 6’ 4”, he had bulging muscles, but they were covered in a thin layer of fat that made him seem, more soft, more lovable. He was VERY hairy, and I mean extremely. His beard never quite thinned out when going down his neck, which then connected to his chest hair, then to his stomach hair, then continued all the way down to the top of his feet. He gripped me tightly In a hug, my face being tightly shoved into his plump pecs. After letting go, he explained since I was the first person to come from a collegiate academy, the college gave him the job as a resident representative to guide me around campus. Of course he was confused by me being 5’ 6”, since all my family members who went there were all football players, I guess he imagined me to be cut from the same cloth. After talking with him a bit I unpacked my stuff into my bunk bed, opposite of his. When unpacking my bedding, I noticed a worn and dirty jock strap lying on my bed. I quickly stashed it away, knowing it was Claude’s. God he was so hot. And charming. And smart. And funny— wait I’m getting away from myself, anyways, him and I quickly became friends as he walked me to my classes and showed me all the important buildings. Eventually, he invited me to watch him at football practice and I jumped at the opportunity to. It was very enjoyable watching his huge body bounding down the field, expertly escorting the ball like a father protecting his young. At the end, I started to escort his sweaty body back to our dorm. God, his musk was radiating off his body, it was intoxicating. We watched a movie that night, and he promptly fell asleep on my shoulder, then he slumped on top of me, not wanting to disturb his huge, sexy weight, I slowly started to drift off to sleep with him in my arms.” Part 2 Here: https://muscle-growth.org/topic/20015-the-blessing-part-2/?tab=comments#comment-275019 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asianman2410 Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 I hope this comes off as constructive criticism. I apologize if it does not, it is not my intention to be mean. So...I guess I'm confused about the first lines of dialogue. What is the point of them when there aren't any names or context? I'm also confused on the wording of "I believe I met Claude" and "Of course, Claude was my roommate". We as the audience don't know that Claude was your roommate prior to this sentence. Breaking up the big paragraph would be helpful to the eyes. Positives, I do like the descriptions. A good picture to mentally form. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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