time-historical The Tale of the Muscular Manservant

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Two

The idea of crossing the Nebraskan badlands, or as the French called it the “disagreeable territory” of Nebraska, which today seems an idea that was so stupid you would have to wonder the sanity of the person who had proposed it, was the only solution available to Phileas and the travelling party. They were without food, water or any means of transport and yet Phileas had one concern on his mind, Omaha by the following evening and with that the ability to catch a new train to New York, but the Nebraskan badlands were acting to their name sending dust hurtling at them when the wind blew, sometimes at storm force, and every time it did, the party had no other option but to stop and let the wind blow through. As they did, thoughts ran through Jean’s head.

“It’s all my fault” he thought as he walked next to his master, “instead of helping my master, I have been putting obstacles in his path! Oh, when I think of all the incidents of the tour, counting the sums expended in pure loss on my own account, the immense stake, it would take me a lifetime to earn what my master has wagered, oh!” and continued to overwhelm himself with bitter self-accusations.

He was not the only one complaining as at the back of the party Drummond collapsed moaning “Sir, I…I can’t go on, I’m so tired!”

“Now, look here Drummond” remonstrated the inspector, “you are a police constable of Scotland Yard, police constables never get tired!” and with that walked off.

“Okay, sir” replied the weary constable, “give me half a mo and then I’ll…”

“YAH, YAH, YAH, MULE!” shouted a voice interrupting the Constable’s lamentations and as Drummond turned to see where the noise was coming from, he saw a dust cloud on the horizon. Although tired, he instantly knew what it had to be and exclaimed “It’s a stagecoach!”

“A what?” exclaimed Phileas turning around and as the stagecoach gave closer he smiled “Well, I’ll be dashed!”

It was indeed a stagecoach, being driven by a man who looked as if he had grown up in the badlands of the state. As Jean waved his hat trying to attract his attention, he gasped and woahed his horses and put on the brakes and although the stage was going too fast to stop by Jean and Drummond, leading the manservant to drag the constable out of the way, it slid to a stop right next to Phileas who doffed his hat politely.

“Good afternoon folks” said the driver, “What’s the matter? Wagon broken down or did those bandits hold you up?”

“Neither, sir” replied Phileas and after explaining their circumstances asked if they could book passage to Omaha with the driver.

“Sure” replied the driver, “I can’t see why not. After all, we Nebraskans are famed for our courtesy. Just the five of you, is it?”

Phileas confirmed the party’s size and the driver replied “Hop in, then, do excuse the lack of the space in the coach, I’m carrying a rather special shipment to Omaha!” and then he stopped and started to chuckle “Were you going to walk all that way?”

“If you hadn’t come along, yes” replied Phileas

“You’re a strange sort of fella, aren’t you?” the driver asked, rubbing his chin, “and I like someone who doesn’t stand for any nonsense. Just for that, there’s no charge!”

Phileas smiled but still offered the driver fifty dollars for picking them up which he pocketed with a “Much obliged, sir!”

Phileas escorted Aouda into the stage and as he did so the driver asked if Phileas wanted to ride next to him.

“How dare you make such a suggestion?” exploded Jean, “My master is a gentleman and will ride inside the coach, I will ride next to you!”

“Now, don’t get me wrong” the driver said, “I wasn’t offending your master in the slightest. Out here, riding next to the driver is called ‘riding shotgun’ and it is a very great honour to be asked to do.”

Jean gasped and Phileas smiled saying “Thank you very much indeed, sir, I am honoured to be invited. We’re new to this country and its customs”

And so, Jean opened the coach door and allowed Aouda to enter first, then he sat down next to her and the two policemen sat opposite with a very large box occupying the gap between the two seats. Phileas took his place next to the driver and with a loud “Giddy up” the stage resumed its journey towards Omaha. As it carried on its way, Phileas introduced himself.

“Jed Armstrong” replied the driver, “but everyone just calls me ‘Speed” because of how I drive!”

“If that is the case, sir” said Phileas, with a smile on his face, “then why are we going so slowly?”

Jed smiled, “It’s all down to that special shipment I was telling you about. It’s rather on the large and heavy side!”

“If it is not too much of an imposition” asked Phileas, “what are you carrying?”

“Ah” chuckled Jed, tapping his nose, “that’s on a strictly need to know basis. I need to know and you don’t!”

Phileas nodded his understanding but Jed wasn’t finished yet.

“And, yes, I agree with you, we could do with going a little faster”

“That’s good news” smiled Phileas, “I have to get to New York within the next forty-eight hours!”

“Well, why didn’t you say that at the beginning” replied Jed, “If I had known that I would have taken another route”

“You mean a faster route to Omaha?” asked Phileas

“You’re darn tooting there’s a faster route!” smiled Jed, “this route is a nice smooth road, but slow, this other route, well I call it the champagne express!”

“The champagne express?” asked Phileas

“Yeah” smiled Jed, “perfect of making corks fly out of champagne bottles, if you catch my drift?”

Phileas nodded and Jed banged the coach with his fist saying “I hope you lot are holding onto your hats, things are going to get a bit bumpy for here on in!” and with that he cracked the whip, bellowed “YAH, YAH, MULES!” and took a sharp left hand turn that threw everyone in the coach to the right. The road was indeed exceptionally bumpy and although Aouda and Jean endured the bumps, Fix and Drummond were being slammed into each other on regular occasions.

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Three

The jarring ride continued without incident, bar the occasional complaint from Drummond, for a good hour however as the sun started to set, the sounds of shots being fired filled the air and a bullet sliced right through Phileas’s hat prompting the gentleman to say “Jed, we appear to be under attack!”

“Drat” he cursed, “I was afraid those buzzards were on my tail!”

“Buzzards?” asked Phileas as he looked behind the coach to see four horsemen in hot pursuit.

“Outlaws, Mr. Fogg” came the reply, “they must have heard about my special delivery and decided to pinch it!”

“Highwaymen, eh?” said Phileas, ducking as another bullet sailed over his hat

“The plague of the west!” added Jed and with that reached underneath his seat saying “I think you can guess why it is called ‘riding shotgun’ can’t you?” as he handed a rifle to Phileas.

“Indeed I can, Jed” he replied and with that turned around, lying down on the coach’s roof and started to fire at the attackers. As he did, he knocked the roof saying “Jean, hand out the weapons, we’re in need of all the help we can offer!”

“Oui, monsieur” came the reply and Jean handed out the guns he had bought in San Francisco. He hesitated for a moment as he gave one to Aouda but she took it and almost imitating Queen Elizabeth said “I may be a woman, Jean, but I am trained in all the skills you men have” as demonstrated when her first shot sailed right through one of the attacker’s hats.

The battle raged for a good half hour but the coach was being valiantly defended by all the party, with the possible exception of Drummond who screamed in fear every time he fired his gun but Jed knew there was only one way to shake off the bandits and it was a very dangerous way to, they had to cross the Platte river between the towns of Grand Island and Hastings despite the fact that the river was running so deep that it had the potential to come up to the horses neck and enter the coach itself. But Phileas accepted Jed’s motives and so the coach crossed the river. However, the river was more powerful and deeper than Jed had thought and on more than one occasion, the coach threatened to topple over. As Phileas watched the attackers, most of them came to an abrupt halt at the river’s edge but one continued to pursue them. Through a combination of sheer willpower and expert steering, the coach managed to cross the river and as it mounted the other side, Phileas noted that the lone rider was now struggling in the river having been washed off his horse. As the coach continued on its way, Phileas kept a close eye on the bandit as he struggled to swim to the other shore, but the coach was much faster and soon the river was left miles behind.

 “Welcome to Omaha, Mr. Fogg” smiled Jed as the sun rose the following morning.

Phileas smiled and leapt to the ground and helped Aouda out of the coach. As he did Jean left the coach as well and had to poke Drummond who was still fast asleep. Returning to Jed, he thanked him from the bottom of his heart for having carried them to the town.

“Believe me, Mr. Fogg” smiled Jed, “It’s been a real pleasure riding with you, put it there, pal” and with that the two men shook hands. As they did, they all heard a train whistle and Jed said “There you go, your train to New York, best skedaddle I say!”

As he watched the party run into the station, he smiled to himself, “There goes a man who is braver than any of the frontiersmen I have ever met” and with that he jumped down to the ground and waved as the train set off into the distance. After that he opened the coach doors and patted the box in the middle and then called “Hey, Jeb, I’ve got that delivery you wanted!”

Jeb, the manager in charge of the local bank, rushed out of his bank and ran over to the carriage and as Jed opened the box he gasped.

“How do you do it, Jed?” he asked, “How many people can successfully carry nearly thirty thousand dollars’ worth of gold from California to Omaha without it getting robbed once?”

Jeb smiled and as he looked towards the distant horizon, seeing the smoke from the train fade he said “Well, I did have a little help this time!” and nodded to the Limey on his way to New York.

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Four

There were four hundred and thirty-one miles between Omaha and Chicago, where according to Phileas’s copy of Bradshaw’s they would arrive the following day and be in New York precisely on schedule to catch the China that would transport them across the Atlantic to arrive in Liverpool on the morning of the eightieth day. However, as Jean opened the curtains on the following day, the weather had turned and was now snowing heavily, but the train they were on carried on regardless.

“Is that what snow looks like?” asked Aouda as she stared out of the window

“Of course” said Phileas, “you’ve never seen snow before, have you? Well, I’ll tell you what. There is an hour before the trains change for the one we need to get to New York. If it is still snowing in Chicago, would you like to spend some time in it?”

“Can I, sir?” she asked

“Of course you can!” smiled Phileas as he gently held her hand. Little did he know however that the snow falling was about to put a serious dent in his plans.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?”

A station master from the station entered the train just a few moments after it had arrived and was seeking silence in the carriage.

“On behalf of the Union Pacific Railroad company” he announced, “I wish to apologise for the following announcement” and with that he took a piece of paper out of his jacket and read from it, “Due to the large amount of snow that has fallen in the last twelve hours, and the forecast of at least three days more snow, all trains terminating at New York’s Grand Central have been cancelled”

“Cancelled?” exclaimed Phileas as he stood up

“Yes, sir” came the reply, “this is the worst snowstorm ever to hit the Midwest since the 1820’s, maybe even since this nation became independent! The entire railroad network from Sioux Falls and Tulsa in the west to Cleveland and Philadelphia in the east is shut down and is liable to be for the best part of a week! We’ve had reports of snowdrifts up to six feet deep in Pennsylvania, sir, this train is the last train to be able to make it! Are any of you Irish I say? Wouldn’t surprise me if you were, you’ve been that lucky!” and with that resumed his journey through the train.

As Phileas and the party stood at the end of the platform looking out over the snow-covered depths, his heart sank. Snow was the only thing that his money couldn’t get a way through, he was going to have to wait or find some way of getting through the snow.

“What is it that people say, sir?” asked Fix, “If it isn’t one thing, it’s another?”

Drummond nodded, “Perhaps this is an example of that law, sir, Murphy’s, I believe. If anything can go wrong, it will!”

“Perhaps” said Phileas, wistfully, “Perhaps it is!”

***

“He’s stranded, gentlemen, and there is nothing he can do about it!”

As the members of the Reform Club who had wagered against Phileas completing his trip, toasted their winnings. Mr. Sullivan took pleasure in reading the cable from the Union Pacific confirming the shutdown of all rail traffic in the United States repeatedly, sipping at his champagne as he did so, something that Lord Albemarle and Mr. Ralph felt was completely unsporting of them and the expression on Mr. Ralph’s face showed it.

“And they call themselves gentlemen!” he huffed to his Lordship, “It’s just not fair, your Lordship, it’s a snowstorm for heaven’s sake, surely they would allow him a few extra days to get out of Chicago” and with that he breathed and apologised for his outburst.

“No, you are quite right, sir” replied his Lordship, “Phileas is indeed more of a gentleman than some members I could mention, but unlike you I believe that Phileas will get out of Chicago in time to meet with the China. I don’t know why, but I can feel it in my bones, he will get here in twelve days’ time!”

“If only I could share your confidence, your Lordship” replied Mr. Ralph

***

 “Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? Thank you, I have here the latest reports from the National Weather Service. They estimate that this storm will stay over the Midwest until at least December 11th, and that the snow will not start to ease until at least the 13th. Thus, the Union Pacific regrets to announce that all trains will be cancelled until at least the 14th!”

Jean didn’t need a weather report to tell him what the situation was as he had just come back into the station from outside and the snow on his hat confirmed the story he told his master. All transport had been shut down by order of the Governor of the state of Illinois. As his master nodded his understanding, he turned back to a map of the area on the wall of the station and said “If only we could get to Buffalo in New York state, then we might have a chance!”

“But, sir” said Fix, “there’s nothing coming in or out of Chicago, we can’t get anywhere!”

“Never say cannot to an Englishman, sir” smiled Fogg and pointed to the map, “We’re here in Chicago and we’d like to get to Buffalo, here, now can anyone see a possible route between the two places?” and with that he stepped back as the party examined the map. After several moments, they all shook their heads and as they did so, Phileas started to smile.

“Let me tell you something interesting about these lakes” he said, pointing to them in turn, “Lake Michigan, Lake Huron, Lake Erie, Lake Ontario and Lake Superior are known as the Great Lakes and serve as a natural border between the United States in the south and Canada to the north. If you look carefully, you can see that there are no joins between Lakes Michigan, Huron and Erie, just as there are no joins between Lakes Michigan, Huron and Ontario” and with that he turned to the party and said “Do you agree with me on this point?”

The party all nodded and he turned back to the map, “Now, every winter for the past century, these lakes completely freeze over and every winter it is possible to walk, literally, from one part of the United States to the other without touching land, say for instance from Wisconsin to Michigan or from Michigan to Pennsylvania. How do I know this? Simple, I often have ice from the Great Lakes in my drinks at the Reform Club. Therefore, I propose that we find a way of crossing across the Great Lakes that is faster than walking!” and with that twirled his cane and started to head towards the exit leaving the rest of the party completely stunned

“Walk across the Great Lakes?” asked Fix

“Faster than walking?” asked Drummond

“Is he not a true gentleman?” asked Aouda following Phileas

“What a brave man my lover is!” moaned Jean under his breath and followed the company out into the cold.

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Five

As they emerged onto the streets of Chicago, they bowed their heads in mourning. Although it had been eighteen months, the Great Fire of Chicago had left its mark and now, covered in thick snow, the once bustling heart of the city was a shell of its former self and as Phileas relayed the story of the fire, it was almost as he was a Chicago resident himself, mourning the loss of a proud city.

“There has been a great deal of contention over what caused the fire” he said as he led the party through the destroyed city centre, “Some people say it was due to a cow knocking over a gas lamp, others that it was actually a case of arson, some people even suggested it was down to a heavy meteor shower on the hottest day of the year, but whatever the reason the result was devastating. The reports I read in the Telegraph suggested that as many as a hundred thousand people lost their homes”

“It looks as if there has been a pitched battle here, sir” said Fix looking around

Phileas nodded sadly adding “I know, but I am confident that this great city will rebuild itself one day” and with that stopped and looked around and pointed out some children playing in the snow. “You see, sir, already the future is looking rosy for this city. Why, I dare say that a hundred years from now, this city will be the heart of modernity in this nation. Now, let’s head to the lake and see if we can find a method of travelling on ice eh?” and with that resumed his walk. Half an hour later they reached the shore and the party gasped at the sight in front of them.

“May I present Lake Michigan” Phileas said

“It’s completely frozen” exclaimed Jean

On the frozen lake, many Chicagoans were enjoying the ice. There were people skating, including one who attempted a very complicated move but sadly fell over, there were groups of people curling, as they did in the Scottish Highlands during the winter.

“Mon dieu” Jean suddenly exclaimed, “What’s that?” and pointed to the middle of the lake.

It looked like a boat and seemed to be sailing across the lake despite the fact it was frozen solid. This impossible vessel seemed to attract the interest of Phileas and as he watched it for several moments, a smile started to cross his face. As the boat passed them, Phileas started to chuckle.

“It’s an iceboat!” he said, “I saw these on the Norfolk Broads when I was a child during the winters” and with that ran over to a small hut where the boat had come to a rest and announced his arrival with a friendly, “Good morning sir”

“Well, hello to you too sir” replied the pilot as he clambered out of the vessel.

“I must say” continued Phileas, “I haven’t see one of these up close for many a year. Would I presume that you are the owner?”

“I sure am” the pilot replied, “Kenny’s the name, Kenny Stevens, member of one of the longest-lived families in this part of Illinois, if I don’t say so myself, and this here is my pride and joy. I call her Liz; because of the person I shall propose to when I feel the time is right! Yes, sir, designed and built by my own fair hands!”

“And it is a wonderful construction too, sir!” replied Phileas, “Do you mind me asking how fast it could travel?”

“Oooh” mused Kenny, “now that’s a very good question, sir. I cannot say that I have ever checked but I believe it could certainly outrun a train, especially on a day like today” and with that he chuckled adding “but I contend this is the fastest iceboat owned by anyone on Lake Michigan!”

Phileas nodded as his mind went to work. He estimated it was around nine hundred miles around Michigan to Buffalo and that if this iceboat was indeed faster than a train, then, yes, it would be possible to do the journey so that he could catch a train to New York from Buffalo and still catch the China and with that stepped forward.

“Sir, I realise this is a mighty imposition on your generosity, but I am in dire need of transport to Buffalo, therefore I am willing to offer you five hundred dollars to buy Liz from you!”

Kenny’s friendly attitude suddenly vanished and in a threatening tone of voice he said “Now, look here, what makes you think that you can buy this iceboat…” but was interrupted by “No, a thousand dollars, sir!”

“You’d pay me a thousand dollars?” Kenny asked, the wind taken completely out of his sails, “for my iceboat?”

Phileas nodded

“Sir” replied Kenny, “this boat was built from the wood I salvaged from my house when it burnt down” and then he started to realise something, “Why, with a thousand dollars, I could buy a new house and propose to Liz” to which Phileas added “Not to mention, you’d be doing me a massive favour, sir!”

Kenny slumped to the ground and crossing himself said “God, are you listening up there? You know I am not the greedy type, but I sure would like a new house!” and with that stood up, opened his arms out wide and declared “Mister, you’ve just bought yourself an iceboat, heck, I’ll even throw myself into the bargain and pilot it for you if you would like!”

Phileas smiled and consented to the deal.

As Kenny loaded up the iceboat with blankets from the hut, Phileas walked around his new purchase. It looked like a frame on two long beams, a little raised in front like the runners of a sledge, and upon which there was room for five or six persons. A high mast was fixed on the frame, held firmly by metallic lashings, to which was attached a large brigantine sail. This mast held an iron stay upon which to hoist a jib-sail. Behind, a sort of rudder served to guide the vehicle. It was, in short, a sledge rigged like a sloop. As he asked for the bag from Jean, he handed over the money to Kenny and said “Sir, we are very much grateful to you!”

As Kenny went slightly red, Timothy was also going red with anger. How did Phileas seem to have so much luck that people just fell about offering him things? Armed with nothing but seething anger and malice, Timothy started to look for something similar. He spied one being piloted by a child and resolved to steal it from the small boy. Whether it was deliberate or not, Timothy slid down a hill of snow and collided with the iceboat he was looking to steal, knocking the pilot out of the boat and onto the ice. Although the child wasn’t hurt, by the time he recovered Timothy had stolen it and as he slid into the distance the child yelled “When I find out who you are Mister, my daddy is going to hit you so hard, you won’t know what day of the week it is!” and with that stomped off home to tell his parents.

As the sun started to set over Lake Michigan, the party boarded Liz ready for the off. The passengers took their places on it, and wrapped themselves up closely in their travelling-cloaks. The two great sails were hoisted, and under the pressure of the wind the sledge slid over the hardened snow with a velocity of forty miles an hour. And what a journey, it was. The travelers, huddled close together, could not speak for the cold, intensified by the rapidity at which they were going. The sledge sped on as lightly as a boat over the waves. When the breeze came skimming the earth the sledge seemed to be lifted off the ground by its sails. Kenny, who was at the rudder, kept in a straight line, and by a turn of his hand checked the lurches which the vehicle tended to make. All the sails were up, and the jib was so arranged as not to screen the brigantine. A top-mast was hoisted, and another jib, held out to the wind, added its force to the other sails.

“If nothing breaks,” shouted Kenny above the noise of the wind, “we shall get there!”

Whilst Phileas’s iceboat was making good progress, the same could not be said for Timothy’s as it came to halt suddenly for no reason. Timothy, who was not the most patient man in the world, lost his temper and started to curse at the iceboat invoking all the curses he knew. If he had been familiar with the concept of karma, suggested by some people as the reason the universe worked, he would have been more careful with his choice of words as underneath the iceboat, designed for a child, not a full grown adult, the ice started to crack. Leaping in the air in shock, the iceboat caught a gust of wind and moved on, leaving Timothy dangling in the air for a moment before running after his transport but every time he got near it, it sailed off into the distance.

I am hoping that any native Chicagoans (including @Thegrowbro) will be able to tell me if the reason for the Chicago fire of 1870 has ever been fully settled (as when I found out those three theories I have to admit the fact that it could have been due to a meteor impact was very interesting)

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Six

Passing a sign in the snow for the city of Transverse City, Phileas smiled underneath his blanket and announced, “We’re not that far from Canada now! That’s a quarter of the journey done!”

As he made this observation, a light bulb went off in Drummond’s head and he started to rummage in the inspector’s pocket which prompted the inspector to ask “Drummond, what are you doing?”

“Looking for the warrant, sir!” came the whispered reply, “so once we cross into Canada, part of the British Empire, we can serve it on him, just like I said sir!”

“Drummond” grunted Fix under his breath, “if you want me to throw you out of this iceboat and leave you freezing on the American / Canadian border then carry on!”

The constable gulped, withdrew his hand and retreated under his blanket.

Timothy, who was a good ten miles behind Phileas’s party, was having his own problems. He couldn’t explain why, but every time he got close enough to the iceboat to jump into it, a gust of wind blew it a few feet further causing him to fall flat on his face. As he continued to lose his patience, he tripped over the sign pointing to Transverse City and fell head first into a snowdrift, which did nothing to improve his temper.

“Playing hard to get, are we?” he grumbled as he dug himself out of the drift and approached the iceboat as if it were a piece of prey and he were a lion, but just as he was about to grab it, the boat moved again. This was the last straw and yelling curses that if anyone had been around to hear them would have caused them to cover their ears he ran off chasing the boat into the darkness.

It was almost midnight and the Fogg company passed a sign that made Drummond scratch his head. Tapping the inspector on the shoulder and waking him up he asked “Sir, are we nearly home then? Can I go back to Bow, put my feet up and relax in front of a nice fire?”

“What are you dribbling about now?” moaned the inspector as he woke up

“We’ve just passed a sign, pointing in this direction, for London, sir!” came the reply

“Drummond!” groaned the inspector, “that’s London, Ontario, Canada, not London, England. Now go back to sleep!”

As Drummond turned to Phileas, the Englishman smiled and said “There are many places in this neck of the woods that mimic places in England, why I do believe that not too far from here is a Chatham as in the town in Kent, a Windsor as the Queen’s castle, and even a Stratford as in Shakespeare’s home town. That must mean that we have crossed the Canadian border. Did you know that until really quite recently, 1867 if my memory serves, Canada was considered a province of Great Britain, but they declared themselves a confederation then and therefore we are now in a foreign country, but one that still likes to have the guidance of Her Majesty on the tiller!”

“There’s more than one London?” asked Drummond, his head bowed, “What a shame, all this talk of England is making me homesick. If I never leave London again it will be too soon, except for Brighton!”

Phileas smiled, he knew what Drummond was talking about. Although he had never travelled before, he too was beginning to miss his hometown of London. As he closed his eyes, he could just imagine his home. Jean, making up the fire nice and hot, and having closed the curtains the two of them undressing, examining their naked muscular bodies by the firelight, and then wrestling each other until sweat poured off them both and their cocks became so hard that they would cum without any extra stimulation. As he moaned, he tapped Jean on the shoulder whispering “We’ll soon be home, my lover!”

However, Jean didn’t respond. He was looking straight ahead as if he had seen something. Peering out from under his blanket Phileas tried to see what Jean had found but wasn’t having any joy and so leaned forward and was about to ask him what he had seen when he gasped in horror.

“Sir” he exclaimed suddenly, “one of our party is ill, hypothermia!”

“WHAT?” exclaimed Kenny and immediately took a hard-left turn.

As Kenny piloted the iceboat like a captain of a cruise ship, everyone tried their best to keep Jean as warm as possible, but with the snow now falling and a howling gale it was impossible and soon icicles started to form on his moustache and he muttered “So…. cold….my….”

“Sir, please hurry, I beg you!” said Phileas and looked at Jean, his eyes starting to well up and whispered “Keep strong, my lover!”

Fifteen minutes later they discovered a house and as Kenny brought the iceboat to a stop, he leapt out and hammered on the door. The door opened and before the occupant had a chance to exclaim “Oh, Kenny, you came” he burst in and said “Liz, get as many warm towels as you can and fast!” and with that gestured for the party to enter the house. Carrying Jean between them the inspector and constable entered the house and Liz gasped in horror.

“Frostbite” she declared and as Jean was lowered to the floor, he could only mutter one word

“Help…Help…Help!” and with that he lost consciousness.

Liz wrapped a warm towel around Jean and as she did, steam erupted from the half frozen Frenchman. As he was unwrapped, he opened his eyes for a moment and then sank onto the floor completely unresponsive. As he was helped to his feet, Aouda felt his forehead and gasped “He’s burning up”

As the party huddled over the Frenchman, Kenny and Liz tutted

“Worse case of hypothermia I’ve ever seen” he said

“And frostbite as well” she added

“Excuse me” said Phileas, rising out of the huddle, “but may we place our friend in a bed for the night?”

Kenny and Liz nodded and making sure that everyone could manage, Drummond, Fix and Phileas carried him to the spare room and laid him on a bed. As they did, the prognosis was not promising, and everyone in the room had their hats off or heads bowed. Jean, was moaning and groaning in the bed as well as tossing and turning and every so often moaned “Phileas” before lapsing into unconsciousness again. As Phileas stood at the end of the bed, he said softly “I should never have left Chicago. My journey and the associated wager mean nothing compared to losing…” and with that he started to weep. His sadness affected everyone in the room and as he walked to the window, he managed to compose himself long enough to say “We shall stay here until my manservant is completely recovered” and with that sat down on a chair facing the window and looking out across the snowy landscape that was Ontario.

Aouda, asking the inspector and constable to look after Jean for a moment, went to comfort him and said “Phileas, Kenny and Liz would be able to look after him” but Phileas shook his head sadly saying, almost in a whimper “I would be more unforgiving of myself if I were to abandon him”

“Excuse me” said Fix, “I think he wants something!”

“Sun clock” Jean mumbled, “What time is it?”

Drummond reached into Jean’s pocket and pulled out the gift that had been willed to him by Phileas and placed it in Jean’s hand and as Jean became silent again even the policemen couldn’t bear to be in the same room and leaving Aouda to tend to him gently opened the door and left the room saying “Poor man!”. Once outside the room, Fix took his cap off and sniffed “He’s the bravest man in the world, Drummond. He almost froze to death on that iceboat and didn’t say a word and now it’s…it’s…it’s too late!” and with that he broke down sobbing into his jacket as he leant against the wall.

“Don’t say that, sir” said Drummond trying his hardest to be brave, but as he added “It’s never too late. My mum used to say “It’s better late than never” he broke down in tears as well and as the two policemen hugged each other, seeking moral support from the other, Drummond continued “Oh, poor Jean!”

“No” said Fix, and as he moved aside letting his partner collapse to the ground, “We must bravely face this situation as true Englishmen, Drummond” and as he tried to perfect that stiff upper lip that all Englishmen are renowned for he whimpered “Pull through man, please, Jean, just for me!”

It was now one o’clock in the morning and not even Aouda could stay awake any longer but as she fell asleep next to him, the only sounds from the room where Jean’s moans and groans as he tried to battle the condition affecting him and his dreams reflected this.

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Seven

"Good evening, sir, am I correct in my belief that I am addressing the Lord of Winter?"

As Phileas doffed his hat, as if he was meeting a fellow Englishman, Jean had every appendage of his crossed. The Lord of Winter was the being in charge of winter across the globe and having filed a formal request to meet with him (in triplicate), filed another request (after a mistake was made in the first request) also in triplicate, and a formal acceptance that none bar the Lord and Phileas could speak, they had finally been granted an audience with him.

"Sir, I wish to make a formal request for winter to be paused for the next forty eight hours so that I may connect with the China that is due to leave New York harbour at 11.45pm in three days time, this will enable me to..."

"YOU DARE ASK ME TO PAUSE WINTER?" came the booming reply and as he did, the Lord of Winter, raised his hand and a blue ball started to form in it

"For a period of forty eight hours, sir" replied Phileas, quite calmly, "in order so that..."

"NEVER!" came the reply and with that the Lord threw the ball at Phileas. Without thinking of his own personal safety, Jean screamed "Master" and pushed Phileas out of the way just as the ball exploded at his feet and when Phileas recovered he wailed "Jean, no!" as he found his lover encased in a nine feet by nine feet by nine feet cube of ice.

As Phileas hammered in vain on the cube, a voice called "Yo, bro, chill!" and as Phileas looked up he moaned in desire. Another being had appeared next to the Lord of Winter who, unlike his opposite number who was wrapped up in so many fur coats he looked like a penguin, had only a loincloth on and a body that Phileas needed to feel.

"Stay out of this brother" warned the Lord of Winter, "this doesn't concern you!"

"Bro" replied the other being, "there I was, like chilling under the sun in Australia and I could hear you from there. What's..." and as he looked at Phileas he moaned "Dude, are you...Phileas?"

"You know of me, sir?" came the moaned reply

"Dude" replied the being, "you're like totally famous. Your picture is in every newspaper going and, if you don't mind me saying, dude, you have one wicked set of abs on you. Mine aren't bad, but yours, oh, dude, what I wouldn't do to have a ten pack like you!"

"Just simple healthy living, sir, and good exercise!" replied Phileas

"Dude, I get you!" smiled the being as he pointed to Jean, "You know, my bro here is not the only one with powers. I'm the Lord of Summer and I can undo anything he does, but I think it would be more fun seeing you do it. So, dude, ready for that ten pack to become a twenty pack?" and before Phileas could ask what he meant, the being snapped his fingers.

Instantly, Phileas started to roar as his feet burst out of his shoes, his trousers rip to shreds as he grew in both height and muscle and eventually all that was left of his Oxford Street clothes was a loincloth being held on by Phileas.

"Oh, dude, naughty" chuckled the being and with that clapped his hands and the loincloth vanished to reveal...

"Now, that's a beach bod, bro!" smiled the being and rattled off facts that made Phileas moan with desire, "So you're now a good twelve feet tall, double the height of that Captain Mason, and you weigh, guess dude, no? Nine hundred pounds, dude. Yeah, that's right, Nine hundred. And look at those magnificent muscles, dude. Heck, I bet Strong Bear would love to take you for a spin. A chest that measures one hundred and seventy six inches with, as I am a sucker for them, eighteen inch long nipples. Mmmm, can't wait to suck those one day. An eighty eight inch waist, seventy one inch biceps, and because I love them almost as much as I love a hard set of nipples, a thirty six inch long cock. Mmmm, can't wait to see what your lover makes of that!"

"But, sir" boomed Phileas in a voice that made the being moan, "my lover...!"

"Dude" said the being with a smile, "you're big enough now to break that cube, so go on then. I'll just sit here and enjoy the show!"

Phileas looked at his arms, then at the cube of ice with his lover in the middle, gritted his teeth, pulled back his arm and punched the cube with every ounce of strength he had, then he repeated the process with the other arm, and slowly, but surely, the battery increased in speed and power causing the Lord of Summer to moan "Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, you see this. This is why summer will always beat out winter. Look at that dude go!"

Finally with a mighty crack, the ice cube split down the middle and as Jean collapsed into his lover's arms he moaned.

“My…. master” moaned Jean, as he opened his eyes, “Where…is….my…. master?”

Aouda raised her head and looked at Jean.

“Please” mumbled Jean, “where is my master?”

Getting to her feet, Aouda gently roused Phileas who opened his eyes slowly.

“He wants you!” she whispered

As Phileas went to the bed, he knelt and whispered “I’m here, Jean!”

Jean turned his head and mumbled “Monsieur, the gods saved us!” before he lapsed into unconsciousness again. As Aouda placed her hand on his forehead, she smiled reporting that the burning sensation was no longer there.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” exclaimed Liz as she came across Timothy peering through the window and grabbing a piece of wood let him have it on the head. “Don’t you know that a Canadian’s home is their castle?” she added giving Timothy another hard wallop. As Timothy jumped up, she said “Oh no you don’t, mister” whacking him at regular intervals, adding “I could tell you were trouble the moment I set eyes on you!”

Seeking any means of escape Timothy dived into the snow and burrowed underneath Phileas’s iceboat. As he left Liz huffed “Of all the low down, sneaky…” and went indoors whilst Timothy continued to burrow. As he emerged next to his own iceboat he said “Blasted woman, how did she get to be so strong?”

Throughout the rest of the morning Jean’s health improved and by lunchtime he was back to his usual self as demonstrated when Phileas entered carrying a bowl of warm soup and found his manservant doing pressups completely naked and half an hour later, Jean was given a clean bill of health and with that the party mounted the iceboat again. Kenny and Liz kissed with a promise that he would come back to her after delivering the party to Buffalo and with that the party set off thanking Liz for her help and kindness. Timothy, spying the party from a few feet away, pushed his iceboat to give a good start but misjudged his leap and landed flat on his face in the snow and as he half ran, half burrowed his way past Liz she said “Some men have no manners” and threw a broom at him just for good measure.

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Eight

“Gentlemen, and lady, may I present Niagara Falls, one of the natural wonders we Americans are very proud of!”

As the party dismounted the iceboat and peered over a cliff, they all gasped in wonder

“Horseshoe Falls” said Phileas, adding “I think you can guess why!”

“This is all very nice, Mr. Fogg” said Fix, “but how does it help us get to Buffalo!”

“There I am hoping that our pilot is going to be the bravest man alive” replied Phileas, “and sail us across!”

“ARE YOU MAD?” exclaimed Kenny, “You intend to cross Niagara Falls in a boat?”

“Sir” said Drummond, “can we talk this over, please?”

“Certainly!” replied Phileas, “here’s what I intend to do. We will start upstream, as far from the falls as is possible, row across to the other side and then haul ourselves onto the other bank!”

“Now, look here” exclaimed Kenny, “if you think for one cotton picking…”

“and as a means of thanking our brave pilot, I shall give him an extra five hundred dollars!” concluded Phileas leaving Kenny completely stumped for words. He thought for a moment and then declared “Heck, yeah, let’s do it!”

After moving the iceboat upstream, which gave Kenny several occasions to ask, almost in disbelief, “How strong are you Frenchmen anyhow?”, the boat was positioned in just the right place offering a clean line of sight to the other bank of the river. As the occupants clambered back on board, Jean handed out ready-made oars taken from piece of wood he found lying around and was standing at the back ready to push the boat into the water. Before he did, Phileas took Kenny to one side and said “Sir, I cannot ask you to risk your life for us!” to which he retorted “I’m starting to like you Limeys and your weird ways of thinking, that’s why I’m coming with you!” and with that he sat opposite Fix armed with his own oar.

“Right” said Phileas as he climbed in, “Wait for a good breeze, Jean, and then give the boat a good push!”

Almost as soon as he spoke, a breeze picked up and spitting on his hands, Jean took a deep breath and pushed the boat down the slope into the water leaping into the boat as it splashed into the raging torrent. All of which was observed by a very intrigued Timothy and watching them make good progress across the river he declared “If Fogg can do it, then so can I!” and following Jean’s actions launched his own iceboat into the river.

Using every ounce of strength, they had Fix, Drummond, Jean and Kenny all paddled on the right-hand side of the iceboat to ensure that they kept powering on the right side of the boat to oppose the force of the river from pushing them left with Phileas’s strong arm on the tiller making sure they kept on going straight. However, all Timothy had for a paddle was his own arms and it wasn’t long before he was puffing and panting. Taking a moment to check his position, he peered over the top of his mast and instantly had a heart attack, he was heading towards the falls.

Back on board the iceboat, the crew were commanded to “pick up the stroke” and grunting with every fibre of their being and Phileas using every ounce of strength he had they managed to make it to the other side and even had a little bit of strength left over to haul themselves onto the back by sheer oar power. As they congratulated themselves, Jean turned around and gasped in horror “Monsieur, someone is going over the falls” and as they watched they saw a small boat topple over the falls and a scream fill the air. Kenny took off his hat and as he held it by his chest, an act copied by all the gentlemen, he said “No one has ever gone over the falls before, and I fear for the worst!”

“We have witnessed something” said Phileas after a few moments, “something that I hope no one will ever have to witness again” and with that turned to Kenny saying, “Sir, when we reach Buffalo, I shall give you two thousand dollars. A thousand dollars for your iceboat, which we shall return to you, five hundred dollars for your services and five hundred dollars to prevent any more people falling over the falls”

As Kenny took up the pilot’s position as the iceboat became an iceboat again, he sniffed and said “Sir, I will do as you ask” and with that the wind filled the sails and they resumed their journey to Buffalo where they arrived, two hours later and just as they had done in Omaha, caught the train to New York with just minutes to spare. As Kenny waved them off on the platform, he shouted “Good luck, Mr. Fogg, heck if anyone can travel the world in eighty days it’s you!” and added under his breath “and a braver Limey I cannot think of!” and with that he turned the iceboat around and headed back to Chicago, this time avoiding the falls. If he had returned the same way, he would have witnessed a miracle.

“Good lord, sir” exclaimed an American policeman as he hauled Timothy out of the water, “what in the name of President Grant are you doing there?”

“Would you believe me if I said that I had survived falling over Niagara Falls?” he asked to which the policeman just laughed and slapped Timothy on the back saying “Oh, your Limey sense of humour gets me every time!” and with that walked off still laughing. Timothy on the other hand had an expression of sheer malice on his face and as he gritted his teeth he swore “When we next meet Phileas Fogg, I promise you it will be the last time we meet!” and with that he strode off looking for any means of transport that would take him to New York.

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Seventy Nine

Despite all their efforts, despite urging the coachman in New York to take them from Grand Central Station to the harbour “faster than humanly possible, sir”, it was all to no avail for as the party stood on the quayside, they could only watch as the China, the only ship sailing to England that Phileas knew of, slowly slipped below the horizon and for one of the company it was all too much.

“GET BACK HERE” bellowed Jean at the top of his voice, “WE WANT PASSAGE TO ENGLAND!” as in his imagination he roared a word that transformed into a man of superhuman size and strength, dived into the water, swam to the ship and pulled it back to the harbour by its anchor, all the while his superhuman sized cock spilt his seed into the ocean.

As Jean cursed under his breath, Phileas just looked out towards the smoke that was all could be seen of the China. Jean’s curses then turned from cursing the China to cursing himself, blaming himself for everything that had happened on the trip from Chicago. If only he had wrapped up like everyone else, if only he hadn’t wanted to prove his bravery to his master and lover, If only….

“Please” said Phileas, softly “there is no need to be discouraged!”

“There isn’t?” exclaimed the others

“I am quite sure that if we search diligently across New York, we are bound to find another ship heading towards Europe. It may not get us to where we would like to go, but once we cross the Atlantic I am sure we can find a way to get back to London in time!” he said and with that led the party towards the offices of the numerous shipping companies on the quayside. As they did, Timothy was spying on them, and chuckled. Not even Phileas could bring a ship back that had already sailed, and as he knew from the time he had spent in New York already, there were no more boats sailing to England for at least a fortnight, but he knew that Phileas had a habit of getting out of scrapes and so decided to follow them just to make sure.

For the rest of that day the party traipsed around the offices of some of the most important shipping companies in the world. The leading French shipping company offered a ship called “Le Parisian” but that wasn’t due to sail until the end of the following week but seeing that the party were disappointed, the clerk recommended the Dutch shipping company next door. The Dutch clerk was similarly unhelpful offering the “Copenhagen” but that was heading for Sweden but was reminded that a German ship might be heading for England in the right time frame. However, the German clerk informed Phileas that the Dutch were mistaken in their memories stating “Buenos Aires is wunderbar at this time of year” and offering them all a complimentary package including free admission to the gymnasium on board with "the strongest man in South America as your coach" as a way of apologising, which was thanked for, but politely declined.

As they trudged back, Jean had another bout of self-doubt and accused himself of destroying his master’s plans to which Phileas replied, with a slightly warning tone, “Jean, I will not hear another word about it” to which his lover thanked him but still felt terrible.

Phileas had, in the meantime, spied the ferry that crossed the Hudson and resolved that if they had had no luck there, maybe they would have more luck in Manhattan. As they did, Timothy chuckled to himself, he’d already done a survey of Manhattan and had come up blank, but even so, he followed Phileas just in case.

The ferry that crossed the Hudson was like no other ferry any of the travelers had seen before. But the thing that stumped them was that it sailed backwards which led Fix and Drummond to express concern, but Phileas, through nothing more than observation, put their minds at rest saying “It’s a most remarkable design, I say, as it allows the vessel to load and unload without turning around”

“What will these Americans think of next?” asked Jean

Manhattan was full of activity with sailors and ships from all parts of the world loading and unloading, several of which were carrying loads that pushed them to their physical limits and very nearly made Jean cum on any number of occasions. As they had missed lunch, it was resolved to go to a hotel and the nearest one was the St. Nicholas hotel on Broadway avenue. As they walked there, they were astonished at New York. It had to be at least ten times bigger than London, maybe even more, with a diversity of people they had never seen, but what impressed them all was something that made Drummond cower behind the inspector.

“The trains, sir” he said, shivering in fear, “they’re in the sky!”

“Yes” chuckled Phileas as he watched the train above them on a platform supported by columns, “in that regard the Americans are decades ahead of us” and as he carried on he added “but we built the first underground railway, I’d like to see the Americans beat that!”

As they reached the restaurant, it was decided that Phileas, Jean and Fix would try and find a ship and that Drummond would keep Aouda company during her meal, “provided” warned the inspector, “you personally order the cheapest thing on the menu” which Drummond reluctantly agreed to.

However, the search was not easy and by now the three of them had come to their last possible option, the Battery. If there was no ship sailing today, they would be stuck for at least another twenty-four hours and with that it would be impossible to return home in time, so when Phileas spotted a trading vessel, with a screw, well-shaped, whose funnel, puffing a cloud of smoke, indicating that she was getting ready for departure, he decided to risk it.

“HELLO THE SHIP!” he called, invoking the traditional method of speaking to the captain.

The captain, who reminded him of the captain of the Grant, walked down the gangplank and stood next to him.

“Good day to you, sir” Phileas started, “my name is Phileas Fogg, this is my manservant Jean, and Mr. Fix, a businessman, we are seeking passage to Europe and was wondering if your craft was heading in that direction?”

The captain looked Phileas up and down and replied “Pam?” which took Fix and Jean quite by surprise, but Phileas smiled and replied in a language that Jean had never heard before but that Fix recognised.

“He’s speaking in Welsh” he whispered to Jean, “that means the captain must come from Wales!”

“Of course I come from Wales” exclaimed the captain in a Welsh accent, “I don’t have to speak English all the time you know!” and with that resumed his conversation with Phileas who nodded sagely every so often. After a few moments, Phileas summarized the conversation.

“His name is Captain Andrew Speedy and this is the Henrietta, registered at Penarth docks, near Cardiff” Phileas said, “In around an hour’s time, they are going to leave for Bordeaux in France”

“Oh well” sighed Jean, “it was a good attempt!” and with that started to turn before being stopped by “I am going to ask him if we can board?”

“Board?” exclaimed Fix, “but, Bordeaux doesn’t help you in the slightest!”

Phileas just smiled and addressed the captain again in Welsh. As he did, the captain’s face frowned and he shook his head on several occasions with Jean only picking up one word, Lerpool.

“That must be Liverpool” said Fix, “but it looks as if he’s not going to get Liverpool”

Eventually the captain got bored of the conversation and as he turned to walk up the gangplank he delivered his final statement in English

“I am going to Bordeaux in France, and I will not take any passengers, not even if you paid me two hundred dollars per passenger!” and with that started his way back on board.

“Two thousand dollars” declared Phileas and the captain stopped mid step. He slowly turned around and said “What did you say?”

“I am willing to pay you two thousand dollars, per passenger, for transport to Bordeaux in France!”

Fix and Jean stared at Phileas in absolute disbelief. What was Phileas playing at? Even Timothy, spying from a nearby corner had his mouth open in shock.

The captain seemed to be caught on the hop and started doing some mental sums.

“Two thousand per passenger” he mumbled, “minus the space that six passengers take up at three hundred and fifty dollars per ton” and with that started to pace between the potential passengers and the ship pondering his options. After a few moments, he stopped, turned to Phileas and declared “Sir, we sail in thirty minutes, with or without passengers!”

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Eighty

“I understand, captain” said Phileas and with that doffed his hat to the Captain who resumed his command then turned to Jean and said “Get Aouda and Drummond would you?”

Jean stood to attention, saluted and then ran off. Hailing a cab that could take him to the “St. Nicholas hotel and I want to be there ten minutes ago”, Jean arrived ten minutes after leaving the quayside and found Drummond about to eat something that he called a hamburger whilst Aouda was finishing off her soup. As he explained what was going on, Drummond looked at his meal with a sense of sorrow and whimpered “I was so looking forward to that”.

“Then take it with you, monsieur” replied Jean, “but hurry, we only have twenty minutes before the ship sails” and with that the party left the hotel and boarded the coach heading back to the docks. Whilst all that was going on, Captain Speedy was interviewing a potential cook for the Henrietta. He had references that suggested he was one of the finest cooks in New York and the Captain seemed to warm to him, but reminded him that he was a “very choosy captain when it comes to my meals” but the cook reassured him that every bite he served would be like heaven on a plate. The cook was hired, but was warned that unless his meals were indeed up to the standard the captain was used to, he would not be paid.

“Oh, believe me, Captain” he said, “they will be” and with that he was dismissed to the galley but as he turned to smile at the captain, a glint in his eye betrayed his real reason. It was Timothy and he was determined that the next person he gave a meal to “would compare it to the last meal on earth, because it will be!”

With Timothy now on board, already plotting to destroy Phileas once and for all, all that was needed was the rest of the party and they were making excellent progress through the busy streets of New York, with Drummond busy enjoying his hamburger and passing comment on it comparing it to “a roast beef sandwich, just like I used to get down the pub!” and Jean looking at his watch, focusing solely on the minute hand, completely ignoring the hour hand which was, as had been the case ever since leaving London showing completely the wrong hour.

Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, the coach swerved violently and as it lost a wheel, the passengers were thrown about. Luckily neither themselves nor the driver was hurt but as Jean burst out of the coach, he found himself almost at ground level and demanded to know what had happened.

“I’m sorry, sir” came the reply, “but a little girl ran into the road after her ball, I had to swerve to avoid her and I am sad to report that we broke an axel and lost a wheel!”

“Broken an axel?” exclaimed Jean as the coachman came to him and handed him some coins

“I’m afraid so, sir” he replied, “therefore in accordance with the laws of New York City I am giving you change for the portion of the journey I have not been able to do and have to report this to the police” and with that walked towards a large building. As he watched, Jean started to fume, but then, in a moment that reminded him of his master, he adjusted his hat and said under his breath “If that is the way that the biscuit is going to crumble, then allow me to show you what a real baker can do!”

“Now, now, Tony” said the policeman, “calm down and tell me what happened?”

As the coachman explained to the policeman what had happened, he heard what sounded like a horse being ridden. As he turned around he gasped in amazement as Jean, with Drummond and Aouda on board, cantered down the street.

“HEY” he exclaimed, “that’s the property of the New York Taxi Company!”

“You promised us a journey to the docks, monsieur” he said, “and we are fulfilling that promise even if you can’t!” and with that he reached into his pocket and threw the coins at the coachman before geeing the horse.

“Come back here!” bellowed the coachman, “that’s the company’s horse!”

Back at the Henrietta, Fix and Phileas looked at each with concern. It was almost time for the ship to leave and as the captain ordered the final checks to be made, a shout of “MONSIEUR, HOLD THAT SHIP” resonated through the docks followed by a loud whinny. As Fix stared in disbelief at the sight he was seeing, he shouted “DRUMMOND, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A MEMBER OF THE MOUNTED DIVISION!”

“SORRY, SIR!” came the shouted reply, “BUT I DIDN’T HAVE MUCH CHOICE!”

As the party dismounted their horse and clambered on board, Fix sat down with a bump on the deck and breathed “Oh, what a relief!”

***

A few moments later, the captain gave the order to cast off and soon the Henrietta was heading out to sea. An hour later, the Henrietta passed the lighthouse which marks the entrance of the Hudson, turned the point of Sandy Hook, and put to sea. During the day, she skirted Long Island, passed Fire Island, and directed her course rapidly eastward, her captain at the helm piloting her as he had done all his life. It was tiring work, yes, but he was a naval man born and bred and that also extended to his appetite and as he clocked off for the day, he rang down to the galley to ask for his favourite soup. As he emerged from his quarters, ready to go to the galley to get it, he bumped into the cook who was carrying the very soup in question.

“Ah, well done, lad” he said, “and before I was even ready for it” and with that took the soup, or would have done if the cook would let him, but he said “Sorry, sir, this is a special soup for Mr. Fogg, after all he is our guest!”

“NOW LOOK HERE!” bellowed the captain, “I’m Captain Speedy, you know. You making it for him and not me is akin to mutiny, now give me that soup!” and with that he made a grab for the bowl.

“But, Captain, I must insist” said the chef and for the next few moments, they ran circles around each other, the captain trying to grab the soup and the chef keeping it away from him. Eventually, the captain managed to grab the soup and tripping the chef up bellowed “I’m the Captain and it’s my soup!” and with that he went back into his quarters slamming the door behind him. As the chef got to his feet, he cursed under his breath, “Drat, well that oaf deserves everything he gets” and with that Timothy snarled as he stomped back to the kitchen, his plan ruined by the captain’s stomach.

The captain was just about to start on his soup when there was a knock at the door. As the captain gave permission for whoever it was to enter, Fix came in, his cap in his hand like shamed schoolboy.

“I do apologise disturbing your meal, Captain” he said, “but, I’ve come as a representation from Mr. Fogg”

“Ah, he wants to sit at the Captain’s table, doesn’t he? Well, sorry to disappoint him, we don’t do that here, every member of the crew has their own table and has their meal at it. Helps with morale don’t you know?” the Captain replied enjoying his meal

“It’s not that” the inspector replied, “Captain, Mr. Fogg is on the last stage of a trip around the world which requires him to arrive back at the Reform Club in Pall Mall, London at a quarter to nine in the evening on December 21st on the dot. If he is even a second late, he will lose twenty thousand pounds of his own money!”

“I sure love the taste of Singapore stew!” the captain said and then added, “And?”

“Well, to arrive in London at the required time, he ideally needs to have arrived in Liverpool that morning. Now, I quite understand what you told us in New York, but sir, could you not find it in your heart to allow a diversion to Liverpool?” he pleaded and waited for the Captain’s reply

“The chef’s put a new spice in here” he said, “can’t say I recognise it” and then he turned to Fix and said, “I have an order to complete. I have to get these goods to Bordeaux and…”

Suddenly, the Captain grabbed hold of his stomach and groaned in agony. He tried to stand up out of his chair but collapsed to the ground.

“Captain” exclaimed Fix, “what’s the matter?”

“My stomach” he groaned, clutching it, “I’ve been poisoned!” and with that he staggered out of his room and grunting against the pain made his way to the galley with Fix close behind him. As he burst into the galley, he grabbed the chef by the scruff of the neck and bellowed “What have you done to me?” and with that punched him to the far side of the galley where he landed heavily on some barrels. Just as Fix entered the galley, the captain collapsed in agony, but managed to roll onto his back and groan “Get me a doctor, fast!”

[CardiMuscleman]

Chapter Eighty One

As the alarm was raised across the ship, Fix helped the captain back to his quarters and a few moments later Phileas and Aouda entered. As soon as she did, she gasped and rushed to the captain as she asked him questions about his condition. As he answered them, groaning in-between, she came to a diagnosis and turned to Phileas with a worried expression on her face.

“It’s either botulism at best or toluene poisoning at worst” she said

Phileas nodded his head in understanding adding “Spoiled food, probably!”

“No” groaned the captain, shivering uncontrollably, “it was the cook. I had the soup that he was going to give to you, sir!”

“Poison?” asked Phileas and with that bellowed “Someone fetch the cook!”

The cook was found by the inspector and marched into the captain’s quarters where Phileas laid the charge at his feet.

“Don’t listen to him” the cook replied, “You only have to listen to some of the gossip to know how stingy the Captain is when it comes to food! If food is spoiled it costs less money that way!”

As they turned to the captain, clutching his stomach in agony, he replied “I’ve never bought spoiled goods, ask anyone in the crew, they will tell you!”

As Phileas looked again at the cook and then at the captain, he knew that someone had tried to poison him and that the captain’s greed had probably saved his life, otherwise it would have been him lying on a bed groaning in agony. He’d never tackled a criminal investigation before, that sort of thing was left to the police, but if there was someone on board who was looking to get rid of him, then he would find out who it was and lock them in the brig, but the captain as the main concern now so he asked Aouda to do as much as she could for the poor captain.

The captain however was calling for a doctor and as he did, Jean was convinced he could see a twinkle in his master’s eye.

“Well” replied Phileas, “there we have rather a small problem. Well, a large problem if I am being honest with you. It’s called the Atlantic Ocean and, well, I don’t know about you but the idea of telegraphing a doctor to come out here does seem a little over the top!”

“I don’t care where we go” groaned the captain, “I want a doctor!”

Phileas walked to the other side of the room and examined a map and stated “Well, although the closest medical centre is Liverpool in England, we’re currently headed for Bordeaux and far be it from me to cast aspersions on the quality of the French medical system, especially with a Frenchman in the room, but well, I’m not sure that they would be able to help you!”

“Well then what are you waiting for?” moaned the captain, “Get us to Liverpool!”

“Again” said Phileas, calmly, “we have a problem there. You see, if I go to the bridge and say “Excuse me, sorry to bother you, bit of a change of order from the Captain, could we head to Liverpool please?”, they are likely to turn around and say “How do we know you’re not committing munity because the captain isn’t going where you want to go?”, so I regret that…”

“THAT’S AN ORDER!” bellowed the captain, groaning as he did so

“I understand sir” said Phileas and with that winked at Jean, “so here’s an idea. How about you cede command of your ship to me, until we get to Liverpool? Sound a reasonable idea?”

“You’ve got it!” moaned the captain, “Just get me to Liverpool!”

“Jean, Fix, Drummond” said Phileas, “could you please confirm that you heard the captain cede command of this vessel to me?”

“I did, monsieur” said Jean

“As did I, sir!” added Fix

“Me too” confirmed Drummond

“Excellent” said Phileas, “Do excuse me borrowing this, but it might help matters!” and with that he took the captain’s hat off the captain’s head and giving his top hat to Jean to look after, put it on and looked in a mirror.

“Captain Fogg” he chuckled, “has quite a nice ring to it I say!” and with that left the quarters with Jean in tow and left Aouda to do her best.

***

As the crew gathered on the deck, they were all wondering what was going on. The last they heard the captain was stricken with food poisoning, the next they knew they were being addressed by two Englishmen and a Frenchman. As Jean brought the gathering to order, Phileas, now wearing his top hat again, addressed them.

“Men of the Henrietta” he announced, “I wish to inform you of a change in the chain of command. As of this moment, I am captain of the Henrietta. You may address me as Captain Fogg” and with that whipped off the hat to reveal the captain’s cap underneath. “I have been placed in this position by Captain Speedy himself, as witnessed by the gentleman to my right” and with that Fix stepped forward and announced “I am a member of a mercantile credit union operating out of London, and therefore wholly independent of Captain Fogg. I can therefore confirm what he is saying is the truth” and with that stepped back leading the crew to exchange puzzled looks.

“Because of this” continued Phileas, “our destination has now changed, we are now making for Liverpool not Bordeaux and if you are able to ensure that we arrive before December 21st, then you all be rewarded by not twenty five percent, not even fifty percent, but seventy five percent extra of your salaries!”

“Seventy five percent” mumbled the crew, impressed by where this new captain was going

“As of this moment, your first mate is Mr. Jean Passepartout, who will also be the new ship’s cook. Mr. Fix here will be the new bosun and Mr. Drummond will be the new lookout” and with that shouted “How’s the weather up there, Mr. Drummond?”

“Can I come down please, sir?” he replied, nervously, “I’m not good with heights!”

“You have your orders” Mr. Fogg concluded with a flourish, “our new bearing is north by north east at full speed. Dismissed!” and with that the crew rushed off to enact the new command structure. As they did, Mr. Fix leapt for joy, they had managed to successfully stage a munity, perhaps the only one in the world with the full support of the previous captain. Phileas just smiled to himself and as he puffed out his chest with pride, the top button of his shirt popped off.