time-historical The Unknown Investigations of Holmes and Watson : The Case of the Ultimate Theft

[CardiMuscleman]

Epilogue: The Memoirs of Issac de Porthau

(This is going to be a very long post indeed and therefore will be done over a number of days)

"And these are the scenes live from Victoria Harbour, as the newly independent nation of Hong Kong welcomes in the year 2050, with the new President of the nation thanking President de Porthau for all his assistance in breaking free of Chinese control. As you know President de Porthau, at the end of his second term of office in 2044..."

As Porthos switched off the live stream of the new Year he chuckled to himself, poured himself his fifth glass of champagne in as many hours and raising it in the air said "Cheers, mon chere, only another five hours to go until your freedom" and with that downed the glass in one and smiled to himself "What a shame I can never be drunk, still, at least I am helping the Champagne region" and with that lifted the tome from the table next to him, opened it and declared "The Memoirs of Issac de Porthau, Titan, Man, Hero!" and started summarising the recorded contents

"After I was "rescused"" he started, raising his fingers to indicate so, "Danny and James could only gasp at my physique. After all, I now had the power coursing through me and mon dieu, did the power do me good. I will admit, mon chere, that after your imprisonment began, I did let myself go a little, I weighed myself the morning of my "death"" and again raised his fingers, "and discovered I weighed 300 livres. Imagine that, I weighed as much as you could lift when you were thirty years old. But after only a couple of months with Danny and James I had slimmed down to an impressively lean 250 pounds, that's the unit of measurement they used then, and declared me "The Titan of Titans" which I was very happy with. Now you are probably wondering what i did in 1895, well, I am pleased to say that I carried on my Musketeering duties, and yes, mon chere, your invention did stick.  I was introduced to the people of Powder Creek as a Frenchman who had come to seek my fortune, but finding that all the gold had gone wanted to give something back instead and so was deputised by Danny to become a member of the local police force. And let me tell you mon chere, faced with nearly 700lbs of muscle, so many crooks gave themselves up, our town was awarded the title of "Peaceful Town in America" when 1900 rolled around. And mon chere, the celebrations that night, they would make the King's Birthday look like a single firecracker!

So, after five years of living with Danny and James, and the community used to the three of us living in the surgery which James converted into a sheriff's office as well, that's when the fun began and between the three of us we became determined to make me bigger, stronger and more powerful than I had ever been for the day when this was inserted" and with that he pulled a disc out of his pocket and smiled "Yes, mon chere, this is what I will insert into one, once I have explained it to you and only with your consent, but let me explain how powerful I became. First we saw how big I was and mon chere, I was bigger than ever. I stood a staggering six feet and nine inches tall, a little under seven pied, and as for weight, two hundred and seventy five pounds of raw, unbridled, muscle. Indeed when Danny and James measured me for the first time, it turned into more of an orgy, but afterwards they told me that with their training methods if I didn't gain thirty pounds of muscle by 1905, I had their complete permission to wrestle them to the ground. Of course, that was part of the training, but they were true to their word. Listen to these measurements taken on New Year's Day 1905 mon chere, and the reactions"

"Oh, god, James, he's huge!"

"Fuck, yeah Danny, he's bigger than big. He's a Titan and a half. How's the weather up there, Titan?"

"Fine, chance of showers, unless you don't want me to that is?"

"Oh yeah, we want you to, here catch the measuring tape. Now, how far down does it go?"

"To my navel, James"

"Right so that's sixty inches, five feet, now hold it to your navel and let the rest drop. So that's one, two, three feet extra and two inches. Dang, Porthos, eight feet two inches. Those steers we have been feeding you have certainly been put to good use eh? Now, weight"

"What a good thing we asked to borrow the market's weighing machine for the steers eh? It's the only set of scales that can manage you. Round and Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows. Oh my fucking god. You're..."

"681 pounds!"

"Mon dieu, is that good?"

"Good? It's...dang....its....godlike!"

"Yeah, now on the subject of gods. Flex those muscles, you God!"

"Tell me, tell me what to flex!"

"Those bulging biceps!"

"Fifty four inches!"

"That cavernous chest!"

"Sixty from one nipple to the back, then another sixty, eight between the nipples and eight at the back for a grand total of one hundred and thirty six inches!"

"Oh, man, that wonderful waist!"

"Sixty eight inches, give or take!"

"Oh, give, give those awesome abdominals a rub, all twelve of them. Now throw that tape down and we'll measure your colossal calves!"

"Fifty five for the left, James?"

"Fifty three for the right, you need to do more standing on tip toes, Porthos. next those quivering quads. Danny?"

"Sixty gets you almost all the way around, add another nine inches. Oh god, you are a man, Porthos!"

"And my weapon as you say?"

"Flaccid, as you are now, sixteen by nine!"

"Gentlemen, I believe I am ready!"

"Oh man, this is going to be incredible. Porthos, I...no we, we feel unworthy to even ask this question!"

"Then I shall answer it for you, Restrain me, Strap me into this device, apply the immortailty charge and then hit me, hit me with every single ounce of power that power station in the town can hit me with. I shall withstand the pain, I shall concentrate on all the sexual deviancy that you have taught me and I shall make my manhood at least thirty by twenty when I spill my seed!"

"As a minimum, eh, James?"

"Yeah"

"So there I was mon chere,  strapped into a metal frame. My wrists, ankles, waist and chest restrained with leather straps. A metal helmet placed on my head, electrodes attached to my nipples, manhood and groin. The immortality charge was placed on my forehead and the second it disappeared into my skin I cried "GOD FOR ISSAC, FRANCE AND SAINT HENRI" and with that the power was switched on.

As soon as it was, I felt a sensation that I had only felt once before, when you first made me the Ultimate Titan and mon chere, I loved it! Even though I was gritting my teeth, I felt alive like never before. My heart beating in my chest, faster than it had ever done before, my biceps, quads and pecs bulging against the restraints, my stomach flexed harder than ever before and my mighty manhood growing and lengthening before my very eyes. I wanted to scream in ectasy but wanted more so grunted "Soak me!"

"Sorry, did he say "Soak me"?"

"Yeah, I think so, but...oh fuck, no!"

"What do you mean?"

"Quick, fill up the buckets we keep for emergencies with water. Fast!"

As Danny rushed off, I nodded my head and as I did, James moaned the same kind of moan that you did when you could feel yourself becoming a man.

"Got them, but what for?"

"Remember what I told you about our research on electricity?"

"Vaguely!"

"And what happens when you make an electrical circuit wet?"

"Yeah, you reduce the resistance and...oh fuck...you want...!"

"Yeah, that's right, dry skin has a resistance of 100,000 ohms. That means that Porthos is being exposed to two amps of current. You can see it in his pounding chest. By soaking him we reduce that resistance by as much as two hundeed times, just 500 ohms. Net result? A current of...440 amps. It will drive him into the state of sexual estacy he is after!"

So with both Danny and James standing either side of me, my muscles bulging, my heart pounding and barely able to think I screamed "SOAK ME!" and as soon as the water covered me I screamed so loud and so powerfully that I broke free of the restraints, spilled my seed everywhere and blacked out almost at the same moment. When I came to, three hours later, Danny and James were lying on my still heaving chest, James listening to my heart and Danny sucking my manhood both in a state of estacy.

"Oh fuck, Porthos, you are a man if ever there was one. Do you know what would happen to a normal man exposed to 440 amps? They'd explode in a ball of fire, but you, dang, you only have to look at Danny to see what happened. Look at him, he's been drinking your cum ever since you first came. Oh fuck...Oh fucking fuck....I...I don't believe it. I...Porthos, I could kiss you!"

And after kissing me, mon chere, which couldn't compare to you, he rifled through one of his drawers and started jabbering at high speed. When I asked him to slow down he told me that I, Porthos, the Ultimate Titanic Musketeer, the man known as Titan to all Musketeers, and God to people like him and Danny, was now in a position to...become the world's first mind transfer victim. A phrasing of his own making. He explained that if was willing to withstand another bout of that same power, and that if he could find a volunteer willing to be put to sleep, it would be possible to transfer all of my knowledge, all of my thoughts and indeed my personality into another man. As i looked at Danny still sucking my manhood I wondered, what would it feel like to experience what you had experienced all those times. What was it like to suck my manhood, what experiences would you feel. And so, mon chere, I agreed, on one condition.

"You, mon amis, you are that volunteer!"

"Oh, fuck, YEAH! DId you hear that Danny, Arrowhead the last Apache is going to become a true life TITAN!"

"Now, if you were here mon chere, and I am sure I can see the first signs on that protrait of yours, your mouth would be starting to turn into a chuckle, and you'd be right, after all I think we must be the only two men who have undergone having their minds transferred into another man so many times as to lose count, therefore I shall not bore you with the details, save for three things. First, the whole time Danny was rubbing my manhood, which put me under even more stress than normal, secondly, I was concentrating on James's naked form reflected in my direction by a mirror and third, waking up in his body I was able to take in just how big I was and mon chere, all those times you have stared at me in disbelief as I perform a feat of strength, now I understand what you were looking at. Seeing myself, lift a steer that weighed at least a ton, that's a little over 2,000 pounds, over triple my bodyweight, naked, Danny sucking my manhood. So it should come as no suprise to hear that I spilled James's seed and a few seconds later, James spilt my seed"

As Porthos downed another glass chuckling to him, he placed the glass down and his voice turning more sombre said "It was now the autumn of 1914 when we managed that feat and just a few days later, the local newspaper published a headline that saw me realise what I was at heart. The headline? "Archduke Franz Ferdinand shot to death by Bosnian" and that evening I explained to James and Danny, that France would find itself at war and as a Frenchman, I had to answer the call. Needless to say a lot of tears were shed that night, and as the train left Powder Creek the next day, a lot of tears followed. But I did leave them one gift, a vial of my seed. I told them to use in what ever way they wanted to and I am pleased to say they donated it to the American government, where, to this very day they are using it to prevent and treat illnesses all over the world"

So as 1915 dawned, it found me on the field of battle once again, near the town of Ypres, and it was there I met a man who the moment I saw him I knew his heritage. You see, mon chere, he was the spitting image of you. Those beautiful brown eyes, that beautiful head of brown hair, he even had that little dimple in your nose. But it was his clothes that immediately struck me, he was dressed from head to toe in white, and not miltary clothes like me, but, well, a pair of shoes, not unlike the ones worn by the Captain on offical occasions, a pair of trousers that stretched from his ankles to his waist, a wollen v-necked jumper, a type of warm clothing mon chere, and a cap with the emblem on your home nation on it, a lion. He nodded to me before climbing the ladder that would take him onto the field of battle when he stopped turned to me and said, in the most impressive French I have ever heard an Englishman say, "Je suis vraiment désolé de déranger votre concentration monsieur, mais vous n'avez pas pu trouver ma batte, n'est-ce pas ? C'est une longue chose en bois, enveloppée de rouge à une extrémité et de cet emblème dessus. J'ai dû oublier de le récupérer avant de quitter mes quartiers, ça vient avec beaucoup de choses en tête, tu ne sais pas?"

"Well, how could I refuse a request like that, eh, mon chere? So went into the quarters, found the bat he was looking for and as I handed it to him, he chuckled "Je suppose que ça fait de toi mon batman, hein?" and with that clambered onto the battlefield. As I peered over the top, he stuck his finger into his mouth, then stuck it into the air, stated "Ah, a gentle breeze, excellent" then patting the bat on the ground, turned to face the enemy and roared "RIGHT THEN YOU KRAUTS. i'M READY FOR YOU. GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!" and within seconds I heard a cannon fire and gasped in horror as it flew through the air towards him. Mon chere, I couldn't let that happen to him, so scrambled up the ladder and pushed him out of the way as the cannonball landed exploding the ground where he had stood. And how was I thanked mon chere? With a hail of insults!"

"NOW LOOK HERE MY GOOD MAN. I KNOW THAT WE ENGLISH AND YOU FRENCH ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SAME SIDE HERE BUT PUSHING OVER A SUPERIOR OFFICER, THAT IS JUST NOT CRICKET. NAME, RANK AND SERIAL NUMBER AND BY GEORGE, WHEN..."

"Just then there was another shot of cannon and well, you know how angry I can get when I get annoyed. I jumped up, caught that cannon and with my tempers heated by being shouted at, I screamed as loud as I could, and threw that cannon ball back where it caused an explosion on the other side of the battle. As the man who I had pushed over stood up in amazement, he gasped "Who are you?" to which I replied "Private Issac de Portau, TITAN OF FRANCE!"

"Golly, not the same family of de Portau who had the Titan Porthos as their third generation? Are you familar with the name Henri de Ceredigion at all? He's a distant relative of mine!"

"He was so like you, mon chere" said Porthos, "kind, upstanding, a complete gentleman through and through. He even took me to one side and explained a few months later why he was so annoyed with me for pushing him out of the way of that cannon shot. Back in 1884, when he was ten, William stowed away on a mission to the moon, that's right mon chere, the satellite that looks down on all of us, headed by his father and during that mission was shot at by a gun that reduced his internal gravity by thirty six times. It was supposed to have increased it by thirty six times, but the gun was damaged during a struggle. When he returned to earth, he discovered he was six times stronger than children his own age. That's right, mon chere, he was now eight times stronger than the average man and what with me being at least ten times stronger we became "The Englishman and the Titan" and made a name for ourselves everywhere we went, and didn't those Germans hate us for it. They were so determined to stop us, they put their cleverest people onto stopping us, and on one occasion they very nearly did.

"It was at the Battle of the Somme, mon chere, 1916, four months of absolute hell. He and I did everything we could to reduce the number of people killed by every morning climbing out of the trenches and him, hitting cannonballs back with his bat and me, catching them and throwing them back, but as the death toll passed 300,000 people by the beginning of September, we couldn't stand it any longer and so sought permission to put an to it by storming the German trenches. Permission was granted and on September 3rd, we started the  Battle of Guillemont by leading an attack. William batting away cannonballs as if they were fleas keeping tabs by crying, "one", "four", "six" or even the occasional "Hah, how's that for a googly eh?" and me throwing back the cannonballs until we reached the trench only to find it was completely empty. It was then that we were attacked by gas, but it wasn't any gas we had encountered before.

We woke up and found ourselves restrained to two chairs with our mortal enemy, the German chief science officer rubbing his hands in glee. He knew about our exploits and was looking forward to, in his own words, "dissecting you two and implanting your strength into our soliders" but I don't think he was expecting William's reaction.

"Don't you ever get tired of saying that? Ever since you became the chief science officer it's always been "Capture the Englishman and the Titan, dissect them, garner the secret of their strength, implant it into our soliders, win the war". It's almost as if you have nothing better to do each day

"I know about your ways, Sargeant Fogg, but you cannot divert me from my goal"

"You see this is problem, Private, typical Kraut, once they get an idea into their head nothing stops them. You mark my words, one day, if someone told them to divide their country in two, they would probably accept it"

"The nation of Germany shall be the most powerful nation of all, the Kaiser will rule over all, we..."

"shall conquer all nations, have access to unimaginable levels of power, unlimited rice pudding made by nanny I dare say,  Et cetera,  Et cetera,  Et cetera"

"You shall rue the day that you opposed me, Fogg"

"No, I believe you shall rue the day that you made me do this. Private de Porthau, would you be so kind as to whistle please? C sharp!"

As you know mon chere, I have a musical bent, and as I whistled the note, something smashed through a window in the base we were being held and as William caught it, I gasped in amazement.

"Private, remember what I said about my family history? There's more to it than that. FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE!"

"Oui, mon chere, he was a bone fide member of the de Ceredigion family for he transformed not into the Ultimate Musketeer, but breaking free of the iron restraints he jumped up and declared himself to be "The Ultimate Englishman!" and pointing the cricket bat to me declared "And you have the glory too!" and mon chere, I revelled in the power it gave me, broke free of the restraints, wrestled that officer to the ground and knocked him unconcious with a single uppercut. Next we made short work of that building and as we escaped, the building exploding around us, William shook me by the hand and said "My dear sir, you should have this, I know it was willed to my family, but your family has a much closer connection to my ancester than I ever shall" and with that he handed the bat to me and ran off into the distance declaring "For the King!"

As Porthos rubbed a tear from his eye, he opened a bag and pulling out the bat said "And here it is mon chere" and with that looked at the clock and said "Just as I promised all those years ago, I am here for you" and with that pulled out a fur lined cloth, placed it underneath the protrait of his husband, undressed, lay on it and as the clocks in the city started to chime midnight he declared "Come, mon chere, come and be reunited with the mighty Titan!"

The protrait started to glow and as it is, the picture started to become more humanlike as Henri's face started to emerge, closely followed by his torso. As Porthos lay underneath he urged his husband on. Porthos's chorus of encouragement caused Henri to push and as he declared "The curse is ENDED!" he popped out of the protrait and landed on Porthos's spread eagled naked frame where as he opened his eyes he declared "Mon Chere! But...but how?"

"This is how, mon chere!" replied Porthos taking a disc from the bag next to him and asking "I shall tell you what this does, mon chere, and only wirh your consent, will I admit it to give you the same powers I have been granted!"

Outside the castle, the Doctor smiled as Henri nodded. Placing the disc on his forehead, Porthos smiled as the disc vanished into Henri and with a mighty cry of "The English Musketeer lives again!", the Doctor nodded, coughed and hobbled back to the TARDIS where as he entered he slumped to the floor.

"I'm ready now" he said to no one in particular and as he did, his body started to glow. Struggling to his feet, he opened his arms wide and with a smile exclaimed "Go easy on me!" and with that seemed to explode with energy. After a few moments, the glow subsided and as it did the face opened their eyes and seemed to take stock.

"Hello?" then in a deep voice "Hello?" then in a falsetto voice "Hello?" before answering almost questioningly "Oooh, baritone, that's new" and then started to pat the face.

"Two eyes, that's a good start, two ears, even better, nose...okay had worse. Mouth, excellent, need to make myself understood. Hands, two, good, oh only five fingers, still I suppose that's why humans count in base ten. Now" and with that closed their eyes, reached for their head and pulling out a strand of hair brought it level with their eyes and whispering "Please, I think I've earned it" and slowly opened their eyes.

"YES!" they exclaimed "I'm GINGER and a long time overdue as well!"

As they practically cartwheeled to the console, they stared at their reflection and chuckled "Well, well, well, this is a surprise isn't it? I've been a man before and a woman before, but I don't think I've ever been neither before" and with that started punsching buttons and placing their hand on a lever smiled "Get ready Captain Jack, there's a new Doctor in town" and with that slammed the lever down.

In the castle, Henri's ears perked up and scrambling to his feet he just caught a glimpse of the TARDIS disappearing. As he turned to his husband Porthos chuckled and said "That was the Doctor, mon chere, the man who enabled us to be reunited!" and with that picked up Henri and kissed him passionately to which Henri replied "Then I thank him, mon chere!"