Eggs may be too good for you!

[SamuelBarbado]

Eggs may be too good for you!
This kwek-kwek stand is selling like hotcakes for reasons you might not guess

By Leyla Joy Ganzon
25 Nov 2022

 

In San Cristobal, outside the gates of Sagrado Corazon University, a huge crowd gathers around a plain stand for a treat we all know and love: kwek-kwek—boiled eggs soaked in annatto-dyed batter, deep fried, and dipped in spiced vinegar. But this gastronomic familiarity alone does not justify the hype nor the awesome presence of its 300-pound muscle bound vendor Nicanor “Tay Kanor” Aguilar, 63 years old. Rather, for three pesos a piece, these kwek-kwek balls turn any male costumer into an instant bodybuilder. 

Each ball gives you 200 to 300 pounds of muscle and several inches to your height. It also burns excess fat, increases size of your genitalia, and amps up your sex drive. The growth occurs anytime within two hours. The catch? Only few of the eggs are potent, and they are needles in a haystack. Even Tay Kanor remains clueless about them. “If you’re lucky, you get big,” he says. “It’s not my place to say who grows and who doesn’t, so I leave it up to the Lord.” Whether he uses genetically modified eggs or some formula in the batter still baffles me. He will not disclose the “secret ingredient.”

Tay Kanor’s face does not show his age, as he looks 20 years younger. A retired professor in the university, he is already familiar to the locals and has earned the nickname “Professor Muscle.” But these days, he has replaced his polo barongs for nothing but an apron that further accentuates his phenomenal physique. Everone can see how his bulging muscles twitch as he deep fries the balls. 

He recalls his days as a working student in the 1980s. He got a job at a construction site where he used go carry hollow blocks and buckets of water from one story to another. One day, he fell from the scaffolding and would have died if not for a “mysterious giant” who caught him in time. He tries to picture for us a 7-foot tall man who weighs half a ton. “He was beautiful,” he says. “He looked like an angel, if that makes sense.” This would have been the last image he saw before waking up in the hospital. 

After recovery, Tay Kanor searched for the man whom he would like to express his gratitude to. But he was nowhere to be found. Even the construction stopped. Presently, the site is has been devoured by a large banyan tree. Nevertheless, he realized from then on the importance of strength which inspired him to build his body and help others in need. He started going to the gym, and in a few months, had mysteriously gained his present physique.  

Tay Kanor only began selling a week ago. So far, three men have grown: Fernando Caoili, 34, a security guard in the university; Berkeley Ong, 21, a senior undergrad; and Savio Pareño, 43, our very own photojournalist. 

Pre-growth, Fernando stood at 5 feet and 6 inches tall and weighed 162 pounds. He used to hit the local gym with little to no progress. “You gotta eat and sleep a lot if you wanna grow,” he says, “and I couldn’t afford both. I have a wife and two boys who I must take care of. I usually just did it to feel good, just to say I did something productive.”  

Now, the guard boasts an impressive body that puts all Mr. Olympias to shame. He now stands at 6 feet and 6 inches, and weighs about 460 pounds of pure muscle. I found him wearing a customized uniform to fit his present build, short sleeved to free his bulging arms. The growth ripped his old uniform to pieces. 

He recounts how he was arguing with an “entitled kid” who wanted to enter the campus without an ID. Suddenly, he felt hot inside, and his body “longed to explode.” He filled up his uniform tightly in seconds. Then, he heard it rip, first in the sleeves and then in the back. His body “swelled in all directions.” The growth subsided about five minutes later. His clothes had fallen off, and he was completely naked and hard. The kid had already run away, having seen something bizarre and obscene. But Fernando’s embarrassment gave way to awe when he saw his new, pumped up body. 

“My beer buddies are now jealous of me. I’m big everywhere,” Fernando laughs, pointing to his bulging crotch. “I used to eat balut every time my wife and I do it. They say it’s an aphrodisiac. I don’t need it these days. I’m turned on all the time. I can go on forever until my wife gets too tired.” However, his improved vitality has been denying his neighbors a good night’s sleep. It caught the attention of the barrio captain who told Fernando to soundproof his house. He also suggested using condoms to avoid overpopulating the neighborhood. 

But Fernando was thankful for possessing more than enough energy to be a good father. “My kids love having a muscle man around the house,” he says. He would let each of them sit on his biceps while he flexes in front of the mirror every morning. “They call me Captain Barbell. Of course, I’m way bigger than the comic book character.”

 

 

Meanwhile, the engineering student Berkeley used to be 5 feet and 4 inches tall and 142 pounds light. He was teased for being too squeamish for street food. “My mother won’t let me eat them growing up” he says. “She said I’d get hepatitis.” It was his roommate Timothy Hernandez who handed him a paper plate of four kwek-kwek balls. The varsity wrestler originally bought it for himself, but he could not stand Berkeley calling them “egg waffles.” He thought he was “too sheltered and needed to get his hands a little dirty.” 

“They were actually not bad when I tried them,” Berkeley says, “but I regretted wearing Valentino that day.” He was defending his thesis before the panelists when, like Fernando, he felt restless, and his whole body wanted to get off. Reports of a Fernando’s growth have already circulated the day before. Thus, when Berkeley he heard his shirt buttons pop to reveal his growing chest, he knew what was happening then and there. He knew those kwek-kwek balls had something to do with it. “It couldn’t have been anything else. It was my first time eating those balls and it was also my first time growing and c*mming all over the committee.” 

Berkeley now stands at 7 feet and 5 inches and weighs 560 pounds. He complains how he keeps bumping into things. He has to duck and turn sideways through doorways and has outgrown all his favorite clothes. The lack of designer stores nearby forced him to wear an oversized sleeveless hoodie his boyfriend, Elijah Laurel, bought from a thrift store. He had to comply or risk exhibiting his enormous, leaking member. 

Positively, Timothy now taunts the giant less frequently and is too busy getting his hands on those “egg waffles.” “I don’t see him often these days,” Berkeley says. “It’s a good thing. I can have the dorm room all to myself. I spend hours enjoying this body.” Moreover, he claims how the growth has given him a “vulgar kind of confidence” he never knew he has. “My mother called asking why I ate them. But I just told her I’m glad I did,” Berkeley says, flexing his 30-inch arms. “I’m not scared of anything anymore. I’m lining up to Tay Kanor’s tomorrow hoping I could get another one.” 

 

 

I was lucky enough to have witnessed the growth process from our very own camera man, Savio, who was skeptical of the whole event. “I thought it’s another one of those folk hysteria that keeps coming up in small towns,” he says. “People see what they wanted to see. There’s a surge of unemployment in San Cristobal after the factories closed down. Working-class men might have been looking for a manly figure to compensate for their emasculation.” 

As soon as our van stopped at the university, Savio rushed toward the kwek-kwek stand. He bought some precisely to disprove the whole thing. Nothing happened until we finished all the interviews. We were heading to the van ready to call it a day when he felt his stomach churn. He knew that instant that he would grow like mad. “Here!” he said, handing me the camera. “Take a photo of me.”

His veins popped out, and his body blew up exponentially. His swelling muscles pushed his clothes in all directions. His clothes ripped. He widened his stance to accommodate his bigger limbs and increased height. He began taking up a huge space and forced the crowd to make way for him. Then, bulges appeared in random parts like malignant explosions underneath his skin. He was naked at this point. Savio’s growth continued for several minutes longer, past Fernando’s size, past Berkeley’s. Finally, it stopped to his current stats: 8 feet 4 inches tall and 878 pounds heavy. 

Savio swore that two of the balls he bought were potent. He described the growth as “a terrifying ecstasy, an eternal orgasm extended to even the non-phallic parts of my body.” But for all his intelligent words, he spent the whole afternoon watching the pictures I took with a big smug in his face. He turned into a celebrity in 15 minutes. He flexed and posed for the crowd who were eager to take photos with him. “They say I’m full of myself. I guess that’s true. I’m probably ten times my former self,” he laughs. “I still don’t believe any of this though. Maybe I will once I finally lift that van over my head.” I did not let him, of course.

The doubled intensity of his growth sent his libido into an overdrive, as observed in his constantly erect and dripping member. Despite that, Savio refused to where any sort of clothing. “I’m the victim here. I’m swimming in testosterone and had to deal with a raging hard on. I can’t be bothered with social conventions.”

 

 

 

There is another unconfirmed case of the growth, that of Carl Ylagan, an 18-year old year high school student who allegedly ate five to six of the potent kwek-kwek balls. He went missing for three days. The police are still investigating the matter. His father Mariano refused to disclose the details of the situation. 

Carl’s aunt Damiana tells us how Mariano often comes home drunk and vents out his anger to his son who “has failed to become a man that he should be.” Moreover, on some nights, the neighbors would often hear screaming coming from the Ylagan’s small home. But there was a different scream three nights ago‚ almost a deep, primordial laughter. The next morning, they found in Mariano’s backyard a destroyed chicken coop and a trail of giant footprints leading toward the forest. Already, rumors are spreading about a 15-foot kapre haunting the woods of a nearby town. 

Tay Kanor remains unbothered with the disturbances his kwek-kwek balls caused. He says that Fernando and Berkeley came to thank him yesterday. Savio hired him for his son’s 18th birthday. Mariano never filed a case, and even bought four bags of balls this morning.

When asked about how he felt others being bigger than himself, he says: “I made myself strong enough to be useful. But others should be stronger than me. It’s my only way of giving back to that mysterious giant. And I like seeing these pumped up men around. They make me feel safe and happy. Everyone deserves a chance to be a hulking monster.” 

The kwek-kwek stand might remain in San Cristobal for three days more. Tay Kanor plans to go somewhere else where he can spread his gift. If you ever see in your town a muscle bound vendor selling these well-loved street treat, you might be in for the best ride of your life.

[citizenies]

Great story ~ love this kind of random lottery for growth. Thanks for this gem 

[FallenAway]

I love it! A great story idea with so many possibilities.  And I'm so happy to see your wonderful art again! Thank you!

[Somecrazynerd]

Always love your work!

[rjpled]

Damn. I wouldn't mind feeding a certain professor of mine these kwek-kweks. Hahaha. Thanks for the story man. Your work always makes me hard.