Chapter 3 -
“When they call your name, better run and hide / Tell you you're insane. you believe their lies / I'm not getting out, no, I'm not getting out alive / I'm not getting out, 'cause I'm Patient Number 9.”
Even with the music blaring in his ears, it took Kane several seconds to wake up enough to realize that the sound of a ring tone was coming from his phone. Groggily, he rolled over and slammed the answer button harder than he meant to. “Dad!?! Come on it’s-” Using what felt like half his strength, Kane lifted the phone from its charger and forced his eyes to focus on the clock on the home screen. “Jesus, Dad, It's 5:45 am. Ugh, I thought you weren't coming until 9:30.”
In contrast to the barely awakened small man, from across the bay, Tait's deep, resonating voice sounded alert and invigorated. “I know it is kiddo. I figured, I'd take it easy the first few days and let you sleep in this long. I’ve been up since 4 am and Lacey texted at 4:30 when she got up. Is she already gone?”
Got up? What do you mean got up? Kane thought. It was only then that Kane's addled brain realized that the space next to him was flat and cold. He switched the reading lamp on his nightstand on and saw that Lacey's spot was not only empty but that she really had been gone a long time. There was a folded piece of paper with his name lying on the empty pillow:
“Hi Babe, Tait wants my training with him to start with a short round of fasted cardio every morning before I go to work or the gym. I didn't want to wake you up, so I just skipped out as quietly as I could. Heading to work after the run. I'll meet you and Tait at the gym later this morning. Hope you two have a good day until I see you. ~ Love, Lacey.”
Kane dropped the note on his nightstand and sounded confused, “Running? She’s out running right now!?! It’s not even sunrise yet.”
Tait chuckled over the phone. His son had no idea at all just how much his world was going to be turned upside down. “Son, as gung ho as she is about making her goals, I’d say she was already done with her run and is on the way to work. I'm having a hard time getting her to hold back at all because she wants this so bad.
“I've already gone on a 45 minute run myself, gotten back to the hotel, finished packing, and showered. Having some coffee right now.
“I didn't press you into any kind of cardio yet because it’s pretty clear that you’re not ready to handle all the changes you need to make. You certainly can't keep up with Lacey right now, and if I tried to get you both doing the same things, you'd burn out way too fast.. You've never been the biggest guy on earth, but you used to be way more toned and have way more endurance than you have now, judging by the way your shirt lays on you and that I couldn't see any leg development on you yesterday–”
His father’s words triggered a memory in Kane. One of THOSE memories. HE was standing tall above him… Keep going or I’ll take that big leg away. You know you want to. Just look at that quad development. You can touch it. Just do what you know you want to do. That’s it…
Tait’s voice broke through Kane’s momentary vision of the past. “Matty, Lacey said you both used to train together sometimes, and she misses it. How long has it been since you–”
How long has it been since you have seen a man as big and powerful as me? Have you ever seen anything at all like this arm…
For many reasons, Kane fought the memories of both the Man and his failing fitness level. He rather ashamedly replied, “I guess it's been a few months Dad.”
Tait knew the answer to the question before he asked, of course. Lacey told him exactly how long it had been since Kane stopped going to the gym. The way he had so radically changed when he stopped. The tone that Matty chose to answer was at least as important as the actual reply. And the tone of it gave Tait another clue as to what had been happening. Though he didn't understand the what and why yet, Tait knew this was going to be a long, hard, and very intense journey. Maybe more intense than even he had ever supposed. Under all the layers, his son’s self-loathing was there to see. It had always been there, but never like this.
“Alright, Matty. That means that you and I will have to work very hard, but also very carefully. Your body has deconditioned. Physically you’re just not able to handle the intensity that Lacey and I can. Like I said, she is quite a bit ahead of you. So, for a while, I will typically train you and Lacey separately in two individual sessions until you are close enough in ability that you can workout together again.
“One last thing. When I get to our place to pick you up, I am gonna go ahead and drop my bags and such in the basement. I also want to give you a chance to ask any questions you still have about what we talked about yesterday and one last chance to back out and change your mind. A lot of your life will be different once you say yes and we leave the house for the gym. So think hard. ‘Are you sure?’ Now, go eat a good breakfast and get moving. I'll be there in a few hours. And remember what I said yesterday. All you have to do is put everything in my hands and trust me to help you embrace who you really are. Bye Matty.”
Kane heard the phone click, but it sounded far away. He was reliving what was both the worst betrayal and disgrace in his life and the most thrilling, comfortable, and erotic. What the Man at the gym said. Over and over again the Man and his father said the same things. Both of them were so damned big and strong and powerful and dominant and confident and… We both know that you’re gonna say yes, little dude. And then just put everything in my hands and you can finally stop pretending that you are someone you are not and be who you really are with me. Hahaha… that's it. You really need a big, strong man in your life to be in control, and I am as big and as strong as they come. Just embrace it. Trust me.”
Kane sighed. At least the Man wouldn't be at the gym they were going to today. One less thing he would have to be afraid of…
****
A short “beep beep” of a car horn sounded, signaling Tait’s arrival at Kane, Lacey, and now HIS house just a moment before 9:30. When he heard the slowing crackle-pop of tires on the driveway and the engine shut off, Kane took in a deep breath and went out to greet his father. He had spent hours reliving what Man said and did, and he hoped with his father here, that could stop it, banish it. Go back before that MAN had ever spotted him that morning on the bench press… Kane opened the front door, stepped outside, and froze in his tracks. The first sight of his father leaving the SUV was so shocking that he stopped, stared, and - truth be told - almost drooled from his barely opened mouth. Compared to the running clothes he had worn the day before, Tait was slightly more covered this morning. But, what he wore left even less to the imagination. Initially, Tait stepped out of the driver’s side door wearing an old, comfortable Tampa Bay Bucs hoodie from his playing days, heather gray player shorts with the NFL shield that were designed to be loose, yet closely hugged Tait’s quads like spandex, and below a pair of well loved Nike trainers. But as soon as he stood to his full height, Tait reached down to his waist, ripped up, and pulled the pump cover off to reveal a tight as hell sleeveless compression shirt from the 2024 NFL combine. The thing had to be a size 4x or 5x at least, but still, it was so tight that it literally looked painted on. Kane thought he could see some actual abdominal vascularity outlined by the spandex that etched the deep symmetrical bricks of Tait’s abs below a set of massive, thick pecs.
Kane suddenly became very self-conscious as he was dressed in baggy jogging pants and a size L t-shirt that fit him like a smock. “Hi Squirt.” His father said, smiling as he closed the door and made his way to the tailgate of the Mercedes GLS. Even knowing how big his father was, it was always shocking to see that his father was nearly the size of the vehicle, literally standing a full head and shoulders higher than the roof of the car. He was so taller that even the upper part of his pecs could be seen over the car roof before the tailgate flew up. As it did, he yelled out, “Got a couple of duffle bags of clothes and travel stuff and some food and supps to move, kiddo. Lacey said I could put the food wherever, but if you would help me take this in it would really help. That way I know where we put it is OK. So, give me a hand with this stuff would ya?”
Kane was still so overloaded at the sight of the giant like this, that he was only vaguely aware that his feet were slavishly obeying the command of his father, unconsciously moving toward the SUV. It was like when he was seeing the Man at the gym, when He said things to do. Kane’s mind began to wander, thinking of what Lacey would think seeing him like this? So mesmerized, so obedient. So fallen down the black hole of his father’s presence that he had warned her about. It is as bad as me thinking about Him, that was how he caught me, had to have been, in the locker room, after the shower…
OOOOOOFFFFFF - “What the fuck!?!”
Kane’s daze was broken when Tait lightly tossed a duffle bag toward him. He saw it, but didn’t fully register the bag was flying toward him until it was too late. As soon as the duffle hit his hands, Kane stumbled back several paces, and the bag flew from his hands. The way Tait lifted and handled it, Kane thought it would be little more than a few pounds, maybe the weight of a briefcase or gym backpack. But, the bag was much closer to a hundred pounds than it was to the weight of a briefcase. Kane gasped and looked down credulously as the bag made a thud as it hit the ground.
“God, Dad, you have dumbbells in that thing or something?” Kane said, coming to full consciousness. As he looked back up, he saw his father standing there looking down at him with an odd expression. A smirk of some sort, something he had never seen on his father before that he could remember. Kane tried to save face and play off what happened as he reached down and tried to lift the bag. But his face quickly turned beet red from strain as he fought hard to even budge the bag. He eventually got it into the air, but there was no way he could walk with it without being stooped over. After some seconds of struggle, he finally allowed the bag to drop back to the ground with another substantial thud.
Tait’s smirk of superiority and humor widened at the strain evident on his son. But that smirk also allowed him to hide a slight negative headshake. That was almost embarrassing for him to witness. “Well,” Tait said, “I guess that’s a testament of how far we have to go Kiddo. Just leave it and come and grab my protein, bananas, and yogurt in the grocery bags here. Those are light enough that a small boy could handle them. I don’t want to strain you too much.” Tait handed Kane a pair of grocery bags that held the healthy workout foods. Then, he reached down and effortlessly tucked one duffle under his left arm, and then grabbed the other two in a single left hand. Kane guessed each one of the bags had to weigh at least as much as the one he couldn’t lift. Yet Tait carried all three using just his left arm as if they were empty canvas and nylon.
When they got to the front door, Kane was going to open it for his father, but to his further astonishment, Tait reached out with his empty right hand, pulled open the door, and held it from the top for HIM to go through. Kane had no choice, so he walked at his full height under his father’s extended arm like he was walking under a gymnasts parallel bar. Kane’s hair didn’t even brush the low hanging triceps as he went inside and his father closed the door, Tait still holding that strange superiority smirk on his face. Kane had no idea where it came from but it reminded him of Him– sounds like a porn I know, but you look like you are liking what you see… little man.
Kane again came back to reality as Tait asked him to put the food away while he took his clothes down to the unused basement guest room. As he ducked slightly to go through the door and down the stairs, Kane saw that even after all that exertion, Tait wasn’t breathing one breath faster than normal. His heart probably wasn’t beating any faster than normal, he was making it look so effortless. Kane tried his best to stop gawking after his own father’s innocent displays of power that went along with how he lived. His father did things due to his physical gifts that seemed beyond human, but were perfectly normal to someone of such size and power. He didn’t think about doing something to show off. It was just normal. Kane had even seen this sort of thing all the time growing up. It wasn’t new at all… but it was. Ever since the Man at the gym it was all new.
Tait decided to leave the unpacking for later, as it was not more than two minutes before he was back up and into the kitchen. He quickly scanned the cabinets and refrigerator so that he knew where things were. Then, he indicated for both of them to go to the living room. Tait took up a spot on the couch while Kane sat opposite him - so he could watch but not be totally tempted to go beyond that. “So, little man, do you have any final questions for me? ’Cause once we walk out the door with your final yes, the way I will treat you and the way the world will treat you will be different. Very different, I have to be honest here.”
Kane leaned forward. For most men, this posture was a sign of engagement, but Tait knew his son too well. For Kane, this was a sign of nervousness, in the same way other people might bite their upper lip. “Treat me differently? What in God’s name does that mean, Dad? You’ve said that a lot, and it sounds kind of scary. Like some gang initiation or I have to be a made man in the mob or something.”
Tait laughed at that and then leaned back. “Nah, son. Nothing like that.” He then took a moment to consider how to respond. “Son, this is going to take a few minutes to explain. And it will sound like I am not answering the question, but I am. I just have to be careful. You need just enough introduction to have what we are doing make sense to you and not be afraid of it. But, at the same time, I have to make sure that you cannot anticipate what’s going on. As much as you can, you have to walk into this as an unknown– Wait, oh yes. I know.” Tait remembered an idea he had not thought about since medical school. Ironically, it is a way to explain this concept to an older child or new adolescent in the concrete operations stage of development. Belittling if Kane knew, but it would be best to both answer his questions while not giving away too much. “Alright. Just follow me. We need to go back to the kitchen.”
As they walked, Tait started to explain, “When we leave this morning, it isn’t just your physical body and health that we are going to start working on. Truth be told, the physical fitness work is secondary to the main work - which is your mental health and the question you told me about yesterday. The feelings you tried to explain. Remember that I promised you I would help you find your answers, but we would do some things that might seem… unconventional.” Kane just nodded affirmatively in reply. “Well, that’s because what I have planned is unconventional. The normal version of this therapy is unconventional, but what we are going to do is something I can never do with patients. It is a risk. You will change because of it, and how you view me and think of me will change. And Lacey. BUT - Matty, I really and truly believe what is going to happen will be the best for you to get to your answers in the fastest way possible and make it through to the other side a much healthier man in every part of your life.
“To put it simply, we will be doing a heavily modified version of a treatment called Exposure Therapy. Typically, it's something that doctors like allergists use with people who have certain allergies to help them acclimate so they do not have as bad an allergic reaction over time. It is also used to slowly move a patient up and down in doses of medications so there are less bad side effects. And, we psychiatrists use it for those who have irrational fears and phobias and anxieties in certain circumstances to help them become less afraid and have less panic when they see something that triggers them. Like someone who is afraid of spiders or earthworms or photos of old people or going to places like say the gym we are going to today. All sorts of physical or environmental triggers of irrational fear and panic.
“Anyway, you told me that you are unable to even put words to this feeling and experience. It sounded like one of those irrational fears that people have but can’t explain. Still making sense? Sounds about right?” Kain again nodded. Tait and Kane arrived in the kitchen and came to a stop at the island in the middle of the floor. “ We are gonna do a little experiment that will show you what exposure therapy does, and some of the dangers you are going to have to face through it. And maybe explain some concepts you’ve heard of through popular culture but never really understood. I need a couple of glasses and three bowls big enough to put some water and your hands into and that you will be able to keep submerged for a couple of minutes. Got that handy?” Kane looked supremely confused, but started gathering the items from the cabinets.
As Kane was sweeping up what his father asked for, Tait kept talking. “Sounds like a question out of left field but indulge me. Have you ever hopped into a shower that is really warm, almost too warm, but it is really soothing? Or a hot tub that isn’t hot enough to burn or hurt you or anything, but is really sort of hot otherwise.”
Kane set the bowls and glasses out on the countertop as he answered. “Sure Dad, we all have. Those athletic training therapy baths can be hot as hell.”
Kane watched as Tait filled the first bowl with very warm tap water from the faucet. “Sort of like what is in this bowl, OK? And how about the opposite - a really cool or cold shower after you have had a sweaty summer day or after wrestling practice back in college. Again, not as icy as those polar bear fellows who jump into a Norwegian lake in winter, but still very cold. But those are also very soothing at the right time.”
“Ya, Dad. Like a hot pack or cold pack when you get hurt?” Tait smiled and nodded as he went to fill the second bowl with cold tap water. “But, what does this have to do with this exposure therapy thing?”
“You’ll see.” He said as he put the cold water bowl alongside the hot. “Now, I want you to put one hand in the bowl of warm water and the other in the cold and keep them totally submerged until I say stop.” Kane did as he was told. “What do you feel?” Tait asked.
Kane was very confused and stated the obvious. “Ahhhh….. One hand is hot and the other hand is cold?”
Tait laughed. “Yep. Exactly what you should feel. Now, stay just like that. Your hands in these bowls - This is an example of a comfort zone. A place or state of mind that is, in the moment, a very comfortable pattern of behavior or place to be. Comfort zones are predictable. We human beings are a lazy bunch and when something feels good or works, we don’t like to change it if we possibly can. A comfort zone is soothing and inviting, and we don’t want to do very much when we are in one except stay in it. Problem is that a comfort zone limits our growth and ability to change. We don't fight, we don’t self discover. We don’t grow as a person. We just want to sit and soak in comfort. Like Homer Simpson sitting on his couch. In the real world, for example, a baker can be so convinced that there is only one temperature to bake things at, because that‘s what they have always known, that lots of lots of goodies they might be very good at making always fail because the temperature is wrong. The baker is in a comfort zone and won’t leave and it hurts his ability. Understand so far?” Kane nodded that he did.
“Now, think back to those showers or spas. What happens when you stand in that shower or sit in the spa for a few minutes. After say five minutes not doing anything except just being in the water. Does the water feel the same to you or different?”
Kane thought a minute. “You mean like when you get used to the water and you have to make the water warmer or colder to make it comfortable again?”
Tait smiled, “Yes, exactly. Tell me when your hands feel that way, OK. And I will add more hot or cold water to get it comfortable again.
“In its simplest form, exposure therapy is doing exactly what we are doing with your hands in the water. It is a method of making it “feel” like you are staying in your comfort zone, while in reality we are changing your comfort zone a little at a time into something that is very different in the end. Let’s apply this to you. Right now, you can’t answer the questions you have because you are in a comfort zone - a comfort zone of hiding from those questions because you are afraid of the answers and what they might mean. That’s the danger of comfort zones. And just like becoming accustomed to the water, we get accustomed to the feelings of a comfort zone, just wanting to sit and not change. Like the baker who never changes the temperature he bakes at. You are accustomed to fear. You feel it all the time and feeling it as you do, it spills into more and more parts of your life. Being afraid of those questions eventually makes you afraid of driving on a crowded freeway or afraid you will lose your spot in the tour or your drive will suck or afraid of really important things like being afraid of losing Lacey or afraid of not being good enough. And so you hide from those too, which spills into more and more fear and hiding until it all becomes self-fulfilling. You do lose your job and Lacey and collapse in on yourself until all you have is being afraid to ever give up the fear.
“Now, how are your hands? They feel different?”
Kane nodded, “Ya, neither one feels like it did before. Both are sort of lukewarm, though I guess they are still different.”
Tait said, “Good. Now, I have to add even warmer or colder water to get you to feel like they did before.” As he said this, Tait added some much warmer water and much colder water to the respective bowls. “Back to the way it was before? All very comfortable again?”
Kane nodded yes, interested in where this was going. “Exposure therapy is what I just did. We change the temperature of the water when you were kind of meh just enough to make it a tiny bit uncomfortable but warm again. I expose you to a controlled bit of what provokes the fear and panic, but with time, you adjust and things become comfortable again. So we then add a bit more and a bit more. Until - we find ourselves in a place that is so different than where we started that we are able to come to grips with all the things that made us afraid in the first place. Instead of collapsing in and giving up, we have made it so you can handle more and more and more until you can handle your own questions and answers.
“Are your hands used to the water again?”
Kane again nodded and Tait added some steaming warm water and some ice water from the refrigerator. “Now just keep them soaking. Notice you adapted faster?” Kane nodded again, “That is also a feature, the more we expose you to the things you are afraid of in a controlled way, the more you adapt and can handle more at a faster rate. That much closer to being comfortable answering your question.
“Matty, what if we don’t expose you to higher or lower temps in a controlled way but just jump straight in. What happens when you make the shower too hot or too cold and stand under it. It makes you want to jump right back out, like a reflex?”
“Ya, Dad. You jump out of the water and change the temp.”
“Same thing here. If we do too much too fast, you will want to jump away and run back into the old comfort zone. So, we have to be sneaky about this thing and change your life so that you are forced to be exposed but in a safe way. The water your hands are in now. That water I just added was steaming hot, and icy cold straight from the cold water in the fridge. It would have been too hot or cold when you first started and you would have jumped out. But, since we slowly brought you along, slowly changed the temperature - now, you are comfortable in a place that would have been very uncomfortable if you went straight in. Now you are comfortable seeing and doing things you never would have if we had started right here. That is exposure therapy. Making sense?”
“Sure, Dad. I get it.”
“Alright. There is just one more thing. Remember I said we are doing some things I could not normally do with a patient, but that we have to do in your case. Here is what I mean. Most people we do exposure therapy with have pretty straightforward reactions. An irrational fear of cats is emotionally pretty cut and dry. But you. You are different. Your emotions are not cut and dry. You are feeling conflicted emotions. Opposites. Like when someone is grieving the death of an abusive parent - they can feel both grief and a sense of relief at the same time. What you are trying to figure out is causing you similar conflicted feelings. So this version of the therapy is gonna use some unorthodox things to make you confront those conflicting feelings and hash them out. What happens when you feel opposite emotions at the same time? Let’s see…” Tait walked over to his son. “When I tell you, I want you to take your hands out of the bowls as fast as possible and put them both in the third bowl when I tell you. While you are moving, I will add the water from both bowls together into the third. Now, we have the real world, one bowl of water, all one temperature, but made up of conflicting temps - one hot and one cold. You should feel the same thing from both hands since the water is the same bowl mixed together into one solution right? Cut and dry?” Kane nodded affirmatively. “Alright, let's see if that’s reality. Move your hands – NOW.”
Kane took his hands out as Tait quickly poured the contents of both bowls into the third. He then took both Kane’s hands and plunged them together into the mixed water. “One bowl of water. One temperature of water in the one bowl. Should be one. What do you feel?”
Kane’s eyes grew wide in shock. “Dad?!? One hand feels really hot but the other feels cold and it is the opposite of before. The hot hand feels cold but the cold hand feels hot. At the same time. Whoa - this is creepy.”
Tait smiled broadly. “Yep. Just a little fun trick with biology. Your brain is literally getting mixed signals from your hands. You know logically that both hands should feel the same thing, but they don’t.”
Tait looked down and patted his son on the shoulder. “Son, the next weeks and months are going to be like this for you a lot. As we expose you to things that are out of your comfort zone, not only is it going to be uncomfortable, but you're gonna feel confused, angry, afraid, and a thousand other things, including some of those feelings you don't have a name for. And at the very same time - you are going find you like some things, you want other things, want things you might find disturbing, they will make you happy and glad and you might find yourself even longing for it even if you are angry and afraid at the very same time. Opposites. Mixed signals like what happens to your hands. And you are going to want to run away from it all and hide. But, you have to ride the waves of conflict. You have to endure. You have to process and make peace with everything you feel and the questions you have. It will be a mess, and Lacey and I cannot interfere. We cannot process for you, we cannot shield you from the choice. We have to keep pushing you to even more exposure. If we do it for you, or if you run away, your life and marriage and who you really are will die. But, there is good news. A light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.
“How do your hands feel now? Still getting mixed signals?”
Kane had been so absorbed in his father’s passion and his explanation that he stopped noticing his hands. Now, he paid attention to them, “No, Dad. They both feel the same. Both are warm. Wow, It’s back to normal.”
“Hopefully this is where we will be at the end of these next few months - you will have made it through all the conflict and all the heating up of exposure to here - a place where you see and feel things as they are and you can deal with them properly. And you understand why you felt what you felt. You made it through the mixed signals. Yes, I deliberately distracted you and I am going to deliberately distract you in finding your answer in all sorts of ways. I will distract you. So will Lacey. That’s why I can’t fully explain everything that will happen.” Tait took a hand towel, handed it to Kane, and signaled the experiment was done. “And you will probably get sick of me asking you over and over, how do you feeL? What do you feel? Over and over until everything is at a new normal. The very beginning of the process - of heating things up is outside that door. That is what you will walk into. Understand?”
“Yes, Dad. I get it. As much as I guess I can, I think.”
Tait gave his son a playful rib, “See, there’s a reason you got into Stanford beyond legacy. Outside that door, I have set up some things for you to experience well ahead of time. Like a role play - totally set up and fake, but to expose you to the things you avoid. It will feel real, and neither me nor anyone else will tell you that it isn’t real. Sometimes, it will seem like I am being downright mean to you, picking on you, even belittling you, and I hope you will forgive me for that one day. In exposure therapy for spiders or insects, many patients will think of us as sadists, taking pleasure in making them uncomfortable as we keep exposing them to the bugs. We take no pleasure at all in making you feel fear and pain, but we can’t let you see that. And neither me or Lacey will take any pleasure in making you feel pain, though it will seem like we are. We want you to be happy and be you again - living your best life. But it is gonna hurt.
“Other times, there will be real life circumstances that feed into the therapy that I have no part of. Situations that happen just normally that you would ordinarily run away from into the comfort zone, but now we will make you stand and feel through them. Sometimes totally random, normal, everyday things will happen that you perceive very differently - sometimes perceive right and sometimes very wrong. Something as common as picking up a French Fry may trigger a feeling or memories and take on an entirely new meaning to you.
“People may treat you very differently than you think they should. Sometimes it will be me setting up things with someone to make you uncomfortable, and other times it will be the way people have treated you all along except you haven’t been able to see it before. Even me and Lacey - we are gonna start treating you in ways you are not accustomed to. In ways that may shock you, even hurt you in the moment. We may make you feel all those conflicted feelings even more as we are so close to you and you know we love you. Why would someone who loves me and I love them do this to me and make me feel this way might be a question you ask yourself through this. Since you are my son and Lacey is your fiance and we know you very well, I know how to provoke those feelings far better than a typical psychiatrist. I know how to do it subtly to slowly amp you in a certain direction, or I can make them bite you and cut you to the core, so to speak. Like being hit by a tidal wave. And I have to do it.
“Now, the last bit, and one of the hardest things for you. For this to work, you have to trust me. And I mean REALLY trust me. More than you ever have in your life. And trust Lacey more than ever. Both of us - implicit trust. You are going to have to trust me to surrender control over a large part of your life. You have to trust me when I do things that make you feel like I am rubbing your face in it. You have to trust me when I needle you over and over. You have to trust me to control this thing fully. You inherited some of your mother’s and my desire to steer our own ship. We never liked to lose control, her or me. And you are that way too. But you can’t be now. You have to trust me to keep control of that faucet of hot and cold water in our little experiment. You can’t touch it. You have to trust that I will never allow you to truly be hurt in ways you will not fully recover from. You have to trust me that I will make sure that it will not be so much as to totally overwhelm you, even if it feels like it at the time. And - you have to trust me to expose you to more and more and more until you are totally comfortable with who you are and you know the answers to your questions.”
Tait then used his hand on Kane’s shoulder to guide him back to the living room and to his seat. “Now, I want you to promise me something, Matty. We do this and from the time we walk out that door, you have to promise me, you’ll do as I say. You have to trust me enough to obey me like when you were a kid. No matter what. No matter how it feels. No matter how it looks. It could feel like you just won the Masters, or it could feel like I am bullying you like you are the worst dork on earth facing the most popular jock in history of jocks. Humble and humiliate you in front of Lacey in public or private. Or exalt you rather than humble you. No matter what, if I tell you to do something you do it. I give you my word - and you know what that means to me - I will allow nothing to happen that you're not ready to handle. If I have to I will step in and stop a moment from going out of control. It may not be obvious but it will happen if needed.”
“So, I guess we are at the big last moment. This is your choice. And only your choice. Are you able to do that Matty? Are you agreeing to submit yourself to this process and do as I say, and endure it, no matter what?”
Kane looked torn and a heavy silence hung in the air as Tait made sure he offered not another word that might influence his son. If this was to be his last choice for a while, it had to be all his choice. Finally Kane looked at his Dad and said, “Is it OK to be scared if I say yes?”
Tait smiled, “Matty, you wouldn't be human if you weren't scared of the unknown. I raised you to be brave. Thing is, many people believe bravery means not being scared. But kiddo, the bravest people are often scared out of their minds in the moment of their most incredible acts of bravery. We should get your great-grandpa to tell you some of his stories from the war, how scared they all were fighting the Japanese, but they did it anyway. Bravery is facing the situation even though you're scared. Facing it, doing what you need to do, and learning from the aftermath even with the fear. Your great-grandpa was scared out of his mind storming those beaches with the Japanese shooting at them. Yet they did it. This is nothing like that level, but it will still feel that way and you should be scared. Just be brave for me too, and trust that when this is over, you will be brave enough to accept the answer and overcome the fear of an answer that is at the core of this thing.”
Kane thought for a few more moments and then looked his father in the eye, “Papa.. I remember once in Nebraska visiting him and we went to church and I remember everyone singing a song called Jesus Take The Wheel. I always thought that song was kind of funny - Jesus driving a race car or something. Dad, you may not be Jesus but go ahead. Take the wheel. You're right. If I don't do something…”
Tait stood and grasped Kane about the shoulders with his massive hands. His eyes were nothing but love - an expression he knew he could not show again for a long time. “OK, kiddo. Control accepted.
“First act of bravery - I want you to be brave enough to feel. Feel everything that happens today. Don't fight it. Just feel it. You'll want to run and avoid it. But don't. Watch what's going on even if you feel bad. Experience the moment, no matter what it is. Now, remember what I said about you and I having time to discuss everything you are doing and perceiving and what's happening and how it makes you think and feel? This afternoon, after Lacey has gone back to work and we are alone, you and I will have some time to talk about the gym and what happens there. In those times you can question me somewhat instead of just feeling and obeying. I still can’t answer everything. I will still be in exposure mode. But we can talk.”
Kane looked like he wanted to say something, but was afraid to interrupt. Tait stopped and motioned for Kane to say what he wanted. He was thinking of the Man at the gym as he asked, “Dad, is it wrong if I feel bad things, wrong things? The conflicting feelings? Wanting to feel bad? What if through this I… not only feel good and bad things at the same time, but I.. want the bad things? Does that make me bad or wrong or evil?”
Tait did his best to not give away what his son had just voiced, but this was the first moment when he let what he was really struggling with come to the surface. Tait replied assuringly, “Matty, it's OK to feel anything. Feelings are not good or bad. Feelings just are. It's how you act on those feelings that can be good or bad. Take fear - fear can keep you from doing something stupid like playing with a rattlesnake or sticking your finger in an electric socket. That’s good. Or fear can put you in a position like you are now, and cause you to act in a very self-destructive way. That’s bad. A desire to control can lead you to found your own company to benefit many people besides yourself. Or it can become twisted into performing the most vile kinds of crimes. The fear itself isn’t good or bad. Wanting to be in control is not good or bad in and of itself. It is how it makes you act that can be good or bad, right or wrong.
“Don’t be afraid to feel the feelings Matty. Don't obsess over them. Don’t allow your mind to run away in elaborate scenarios. We will work on how to act based on your feelings once we know what they are. But, you have to allow yourself to experience them first. Understand?”
“Yes Dad. I will do my best” Kane seemed to settle as much as he could considering the unknown that was coming.
“I know you will, Son. Is there anything else?”
Kane shook his head. “I am afraid, I won’t lie. It feels like I am working on opening that box in Hellraiser that opens a door to Hell. But, no. Nothing else.” Kane took a long breath in and out. “Let’s get started.”
“Alright, little man. Let's finish up and hit the road.”
***
Fifteen minutes after Kane’s final yes, Tait and Kane left for Levi's Stadium. And, just as his father said, things were very different for Kane from the moment they walked out the door. His first surprise was when Tait locked the front door using his own set of house keys on his own keyring. To Kane’s obviously confused face, Tait simply said that Lacey had agreed with him that he needed to be able to come and go as he pleased without either of them - so he needed his own set of keys. They had them made over the weekend. And, while Kane admitted to himself that it did make perfect sense, it was still symbolic. His father was more than a house guest. In a very meaningful way, having those keys meant he was also an owner of a part of Kane’s life, he was in control.
The change was even clearer as they drove down the freeway. Kane was trying his best to do what his Dad said - to feel and experience what was happening without judgment or getting too focused on the why. It was hard to put his finger on at first. But the more miles they traveled, the more he was sure his father was… different. The pair spoke together well enough but, in a way that was difficult to describe, Tait had become harder, stronger. The aura around him was more forceful and dominant. For his entire life, Kane knew that when his father asked him something he really wanted the input and would listen. But now… now while the questions were the same, Tait didn’t seem to be as interested in the answers. Sometimes, Tait felt almost patronizing in his replies, something Kane hadn’t felt in his life. By the time they came within sight of the stadium the transformation was complete. Tait wasn’t the protective Dad anymore. He was now like a world champion boxer, humoring a man who just walked into his boxing gym and, without ever having thrown a single punch in his life, challenged the champ to a bout. His father’s speech had a veiled, but distinct sense of amusement and condescension. When Tait looked at Kane, there was something else in the giant man’s eyes “standing” beside the look of a loving father toward his son Kane had always known. This second look was much more akin to the soulless eyes of a great white shark, contemplating the future of a sea lion snack.
A great white shark, a world champion boxer, the Freight Train of football who was one of the tallest men on earth - all these things are at the top of the hierarchy, the Alpha among Alphas. Tait was finally allowing Kane to feel in his gut just how much of a pinnacle human male he was. Kane had never felt such supreme superiority come from anyone in his life - and he had been around some very confident men. The Man at the gym was confident, but his father made him feel like a wobbly toddler by comparison and without trying or boasting. Tait didn’t have to brag about his power or exploits the way the gym Man had. He was doing it just existing. And if Tait was the Alpha, what was Kane? What had the gym Man called him - a beta? Whatever he was called, Kane had the distinct impression of being both Tait’s son and Tait’s possession at the same time. Totally valued, but at the same time, an owned object so much smaller and lesser than Tait that he was worth little more than a speck of dirt on the toe of Tait’s size 18 trainers. But what brought home to Kane that it wasn’t just his father and that he was something… “else” was when they rolled up to Gate One of the Levi’s Stadium complex.
Tait brought the SUV to a stop at the lowered gate rail, and a member of the 49er’s security staff walked up. The guard was a very large, well muscled man maybe a few years younger than Tait, Kane thought. He looked like he had once been a ball player himself and still lifted regularly. But he was half Tait’s size.
Tait lowered the driver’s side window. “May I help you, Sir?” the guard said, without looking up from his appointment clipboard at first. But then the guard’s face lit up as he glanced into the SUV. “Doctor Holden!’ he said with genuine positivity. “Happy to have you back with us. Here for business or pleasure?”
Tait pulled out his wallet, removed an ID badge that signified his rather unique status as an official with the NFL Corporate Headquarters and with the NFLPA, and handed it to the guard. “Hi Don, good to see you again. Here for pleasure, I hope. John Lynch is expecting me. Gonna take my kid and a wonderful young lady through a workout, and John was kind enough to offer the team facilities for me to use during the off season. Knowing John, he will want me to do some work favors somehow, but I will try and resist.” Both men laughed.
“Oh yes,” the guard said, “I believe that young lady is already inside. Got here just a couple of minutes ago…”
As the guard examined Tait’s ID and entered some data from it to his clipboard, it struck Kane that the tone his father had developed with him while on the road was totally absent when he spoke with the guard. With the guard there was mutual respect, kindness, and the almost jovial banter of a close knit company. Kane remembered that his father once told him that the actual number of year-round employees involved in the NFL and the teams on a permanent basis was really just a few hundred people. This thing everyone knew, that entertained millions and made billions each year was really the size of a small business. It was a community where everyone knows everyone else - from the Commissioner to the salaried cleaning staff. It struck Kane how Tait, a top official in this company, treated a seemingly low security guard as an absolute equal. Listening to them, he realized his father had always included him and treated him exactly the same way as he was treating this guard… until now. Kane didn’t know what to make of it - don’t make, just feel.
“Office, this is Gate 1. Doctor Tait Holden is here from New York. Doctor Holden said Mr. Lynch was expecting him.” The guard said into his radio as he handed Tait back his ID card. He released the key, and looked at Tait. “Let’s see if John tries it.” Tait laughed.
Perhaps thirty seconds later, there was a click as if a telephone linked into the radio line. “Gate 1, this is Lynch. Send Tait and his son on through. Tell him I will meet him at the performance facility entrance shortly.”
It was then that Don looked inside the vehicle and looked at Kane. He said, “Doctor Holden, I will need identification for your son, if he has any. You’ve never mentioned you still had teenagers.” Then he shifted to address Kane, “None of the other players brought their kids in today. It’s pretty quiet now that the draft is over and we are in the lull before rookie and training camp. Just the offensive starters here using the gym this morning; so, I don’t think you’ll be too far out of your element. First time in a gym, Son?”
Kane visibly turned red. He hadn’t been mistaken for a teen in a long time… well no, maybe that wasn’t entirely true he reconsidered. Kane was always ID'd for alcohol when he was out. ALL the time. They ID’d Lacey too as it was the law, sure. But they gave him a side eye every time he pulled out his license. Never that same expression with Lacey. He thought it was because Lacey was so hot and he wasn’t and didn’t match but… was it because they thought he was still in high school? Too young to buy beer?
The realization that some people thought of him as a mere boy was broken by his father’s laughter “Matty, give Don your driver’s license. And Don - first impressions of my son when you see what’s on it.” Kane handed the guard the ID and as he read it, his jaw dropped. “Doctor Holden – and Matty was it – this has to be a joke. You can’t be more than 16. Come one, where is the real ID?”
Tait laughed even harder at the mistake. “Don, run that license through one of those barcode scans. It is totally legit. Matty here is… older than he looks. Got to try and put some meat on his bones and make him look a little less like he is still in puberty. I know he is tired of always getting turned in for underage drinking if he has a beer.”
The guard shook his head in astonishment. “I’ll take your word for it Doctor Holden that this is legit. You’ve never lied to me before. But, I sure can understand wanting to look a little older, Matty. Must be rough when you don’t look like the data on your license.” the guard said. He handed back the card after he had the needed data for his visitor log. “Well, little guy, you can’t be in any better hands for building muscle than your father. I mean, there is nobody in the NFL quite like him… both when he played or now. And his genes have to be in there somewhere. I’m sure he can unlock them and you will grow like a weed soon enough. We gonna be seeing you here for a while?”
Tait replied. “Six or eight weeks at least, and John is allowing me to get my lifts in here. Headed for my normal summer vacation in Montana after that and then stop off at the ranch and visit my parents before training camp. My grandpa is over ninety and is finally getting ready to retire, and he is wanting to merge his ranch land with mine. Keep it in the family and all. So, we need to get all the legal hashed out with the lawyers. But, I’ll be here at least until then.”
“Well, the team will be blessed to have you.” Don replied. “Although the other teams might complain that having you here as an inspiration to their workouts is an unfair off-season advantage. OR… if you make them look like weak school girls too much, the other teams may all give you some thanks under the table.” Both men laughed again, “Seriously, Doc, if it’s OK, I might bring my own son here when you are here. Seeing a real life superhero might do him some good. He is starting pee-wee flag football in the fall and he already has his heart set on offensive backfield.”
Tait smiled, “Absolutely. It will be a pleasure. You know how much I enjoy inspiring little kids.” The guard thanked Tait and walked back to the control booth to allow Kane and Tait into the parking lot. Pulling through the gate and taking the side roads over to the training center parking lot, Tait never said a word to Kane. Never looked at him. He just soaked in the vibe coming from his son. He had no idea this interaction would go as it did, but it was too perfect. One of those real world accidents. And he could feel the impact well enough on his son. In his mind, Kane was reeling. The guy really did dismiss him as a child. He was nice enough until he saw the ID was genuine and what his father had said. The guy shifted toward him after that, to another form of that “superior” thing. Did all men think that? That he was small, tiny? And - not just physically. Is that how the Man “found” him – Don’t think. Thinking will just mess it up for you. Just feel. Feel that biceps, little man…
Tait rounded a turn into a parking lot that contained perhaps thirty vehicles scattered around, including one Kane recognized as Lacey’s. He pulled up beside her car and switched the engine off. “Matty, mind grabbing both our gym bags out of the back?” Tait said as he pressed the tailgate open button on the keyfob. Tait watched as Kane got out and felt the weight of his father’s gym bag as he collected it. Kane felt a little weird carrying both their bags. It had this odd vibe of the dork who had to carry both his and the popular jock’s backpack into school. But, he had given his word. Feel it, he had said. Feel it, they BOTH had said. At that moment, Kane noticed he felt something. Something growing inside him, no bigger than the smallest seed of… of…. Something. Something from his father. Something from the Man. Something, but it was too small to know what it was yet.
When they got within about twenty paces of the front door of the SAP Performance Center, Tait and Kane saw Lacey. Though she wasn’t dressed the way a gym thot might be, Lacey’s running shorts and t-shirt left just enough to the imagination to make any male stop and look. And stop, they had. Surrounding Lacey and carrying on a lively conversation with her were several large men in NFL player style shorts and cut t-shirts. They all were covered in thick slabs of muscle, some with a layer of fat over it and some with abs quite apparent. At first Kane tried to hold back his jealousy… and his envy. The jealousy and envy that always made him feel secretly inferior to men like this, even when he was on the same team competing with them in wrestling or in the college locker room. He tried to hold it back… but couldn’t. The feelings began to race through him and slowly, almost cell by cell, Kane began to wilt.
Seeing her like this, even Tait had to admit Matty was right in his first feelings about him and his fiance. Tait could have almost any woman he wanted, but as with Jess, Tait needed much more than a face or body to feel true attraction. But Lacey - she touched something within him on a biological level. Her looks, perfect curves, obvious physical fitness and strength, strength of mind - Lacey played on many of the same buttons in men that Tait pressed in women. And… she pressed them in him. It was unconscionable to ever act on it. The age difference alone of almost 18 years was enough. But, it was there nonetheless.
Kane thought he was fortunate that didn’t recognize any of the big men. He hadn’t expected to. Other than his father, who did he know in the NFL? Or so he thought… until he heard a voice. Kane’s head snapped as a very well apportioned man emerged from beside Lacey. A smaller fellow compared to a couple of the big linemen. But still he was much taller and bigger than Kane was and obviously ripped. Then the face - older, true but still very much a baby face. The smile and the same sense of utter confidence of being the elite that also came from his father. He remembered the guy from when he was at Stanford – remembered him VERY well. And the memories were ones that filled Kane with dread. Kane felt himself wanting to avoid the situation, to back up or move around it, to hide in his comfort zone, but there was no way. He had given his word he would not run. And there was no way in hell he could ever attempt to false bravado his way through this as he sometimes had with Tait. He prayed this would be nice, but–
The “voice of dread” raised and projected toward them as the smiling face looked on. “Well look who's here, you giant sonofabitch. Lacey said you were coming, but I didn't think it was true. I still can't believe she actually wants to be trained by a scrawny, weak-ass loser like you when she could have me.” Kane’s first reflex was run, but then he realized - the taunt wasn’t directed at him at all. And it was … in jest!?!
Tait’s voice bellowed back a remarkably friendly reply, “I can't pass up putting you in your place again, can I short stuff?” Tait laughed heartily as he embraced Kane’s voice of doom, known to the rest of the world as running back Christian McCaffrey, in a totally familiar jock-bro hug. A bro hug, yes, but with genuine emotion coming from both of them. Kane was floored, shocked that his father was friends with one of his many college jock nemeses. “How are you, little man?” Tait said, as he pulled back, looking down, “How's your Dad?”
“You know Dad. Still trying and failing to get into trouble after Northern Colorado.” McCaffrey smiled a killer smile. “Me and Dad both warned Luke about you before his interview, but he came out looking like he had just met Professor Hulk or something. And felt about as dumb as if he really had. Went on and on about you.”
Tait chucked, “You know I like to keep the rooks on their toes. But, Luke is going to be a good player if he can be shaped right. Hopefully they can do that in DC. Lots of changes going on there in coaching, but I played with Bobby and we retired together. Solid player and teacher. AND - with one of the best wideouts in modern history in your Dad, pretty sure he won’t suffer from a lack of knowledge.” Tait said. Both Christian and Luke were the sons of famed wide receiver Ed McCaffrey, who Tait played in the league in the first years of his career. He had interviewed Luke for the league before this year’s draft, and he had been taken in the third round by Washington.
McCaffrey then held out a hand, pointing toward someone even Kane had to admit was a very handsome fellow standing at his side. “Tait Holden, this is my fullback partner in crime Kyle Juszczyk. Kyle, this is about the biggest man you will ever see from New York. The giant doc there likes to pretend he knows how to play tight end, and he played with my Dad and John Lynch.”
Kyle looked up and UP at the man who was 7 inches taller and dozens upon dozens of pounds heavier than himself, an odd occurrence for the 6’2”, 235 pound back. “Liked to pretend to play!?! From what I heard and saw on tape once Chris told me about you, you could single handedly take out an entire front seven. I thought Chris was just making that up, but now that I actually see you in the flesh…I think you could take down the entire secondary too. I could score every down with you throwing a block or two. Fucking Freight Train is about right.” Everyone laughed as Tait enclosed Kyle’s large, strong hands that were made for gripping a whole football. But Tait’s paws made Kyle’s look like a smallish teenage boy. Kyle shook his head. “We’ve got to get George Kittle out here after he is done with the AT. Man will shit a brick. You know he kind of hero worships your play. He’ll want a pic for the gram.”
Tait looked surprised. “Really? I didn't think any of you young guys even remembered me from my playing days.”
McCaffrey scoffed, “Bull. Anyone who knows offense or talks to Lynch or ever asks Coach Shanahan about the best they played with knows about you. Dad says the same thing too.”
“Well, I’ll have to send Ed a Christmas card for thinking of me that way. And Kyle. I would never have played the way I did without his father teaching me a thing or two.” Tait said, referring to his days playing under Mike Shanahan in Denver. His son Kyle currently was head coach of the 49ers.
“I hate to step into this hero worship society.” Lacey said, jumping into the frey. “But, for a lady who doesn’t care about the technical parts of football, it's gonna be fun getting to watch this bruiser crush you little boys. Seeing Tait lift you all into the ground, that I can understand and hero worship,” which brought out a chorus of oohs from the jocks. Lacey reached around and hugged Tait as he easily lifted her from the sidewalk into an embrace. “How are you, little girl? How did the run go?”
“I'm fantastic.” Lacey said. “Are we ready?” she said, and standing there hearing it, Kane could have sworn that she was not referring to the three of them being ready… but just two, his father and her.
That sentiment was rubbed in even more when Tait replied, “More than ready for everything. Trust me, we will make a goddess out of you. These boys will drool over you even more when you not only can stop them in their tracks with a look, but you can also out muscle their pathetic asses.”
That was greeted with another round of oohs - this time laced with a hint of sound that showed each of them was thinking what an encounter with a strong Lacey would be like. At that, Lacey reached out and for just a moment blatantly allowed her hand to gently rub a single huge pec. “I can't wait to see these finally in action too.”
Tait laughed, “Don't you worry, little lady. You're gonna see that one and its twin grow today. I've got you to impress, and I have to make these baby men feel like their first day at the gym again.” Tait's eyes then glimmered with impishness and said, “And speaking of first days. Everyone, this little man with me is my son. It's his first time here in –”
At the introduction, all the assembled men looked around to see who Tait was talking about. They hadn’t noticed anyone, it seemed. But then, Kane sheepishly emerged from around Tait's massive form. It wasn't his intent but the sheer size difference between the two made it look like Kane was a shy toddler hiding from scary strangers behind his father’s big legs. Everyone there laughed at the comical sight of the small man appearing as if from nowhere and none of them more amused than McCaffrey. In a rather good impression of Val Kilmer’s “Doc Holliday,” McCaffrey looked DOWN over his nose and over his pecs, down six inches under his own height, to the small form whose waist looked little bigger than one of his own running back quads. “Oh, Kane. I didn’t know you were there.” The accent and impression was rather spot on, which made everyone around laugh - they were laughing at the impression, but Kane also felt they were laughing at him. Internally, he shrank back more.
The pro player paused for a moment, the look on his face becoming one of concern - whether it was real or not, no one knew. “Kane, are you OK? You look like you’ve been sick or something. I know we were a bit mean back in college, but no one ever wanted to see you hurt or anything? Really, you OK?”
Kane shook his head and responded very quietly. “No. I’m OK. Just been away from the gym for a while is all.”
McCaffrey brightened a bit at the news and responded. “Damn, little guy, I’m glad your Dad brought you to us then. I mean, there’s maybe ten men on earth who are the size of the Jolly Green Giant here, but just the same, you don’t look very healthy like this. Forgive me, but you’re way smaller than I remember and you were not the biggest guy then.” Kane’s face gave away the emotion he was feeling, and McCaffrey instantly held up his hands. “Sorry, little dude, not trying to be a bully or anything. Just telling the truth.” McCaffrey then looked at everyone there. “Oh - Kyle, everyone, this is Tait’s son Kane. I know people call me a baby face, but this guy actually went with us to Stanford, if you can believe it. Was on the wrestling team. Back in school, sometimes new guys or visitors to the program lifting with us would see him in the gym and wonder if he was one of those child prodigy kids who get doctorates at like 16. Even the other lightweight wrestlers said when they had practice with him they would hold back sometimes ‘cause it was like taking advantage of their little brothers, he looks so young.”
Lacey smiled, still in Tait’s arms, and responded. “Stop it, Chris. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were a little scared of Matty. It just means I am gonna be one lucky lady 20 years from now when all you look middle aged or older while I am with a 20-something looking guy.”
The all-Pro football player literally chortled at that remark. “Oh damn. Matty. I forgot all about that name. They used to give you such shit about it ‘cause of how it fit. You have that kid look even more now though without the muscle from wrestling. On the bright side, Lacey is right. No one could ever accuse you of looking old before your time.”
Tait felt Kane’s hand reach to him unconsciously, trying to steady himself against the intense focus and the cutting remarks about how he looked. Tait knew the NFL locker room well enough to know that to the star running back, this was just good natured ribbing - the same as calling him ‘Jolly Green Giant.’ If Kane had given as good as he had gotten without getting angry, there would have been laughs and back pats and all would be forgotten. He had not stepped in yet because he needed to see how his son would react. And this… this reaction wasn’t good at all. What had happened to his son? And this was a gentle massage compared to the intensity Kane needed to feel to get to the core of this. He needed to face an onslaught to his comfort zone so strong that the comfort zone itself would be crushed – but that time was not yet. That would come soon enough.
“Well,” Tait interjected, “Matty here may be a bit on the small side and look young. But you’re all runts to me, and I can spank each one of you like you’re fucking toddlers. Keep it up and you might just tempt me to put on some practice pads and show you how a 45 year old man can level your all-star asses.”
The players all roared in laughter as the young player knew his bluff had been called. He held up his hands in defeat. Tait continued, “It's time we started building these two up. It was good to see you all again. And Kyle, get that tight end of yours to come up if he wants that pic. I am happy to do it. And the rest of you, if you wanna watch or hop alongside, we should be out lifting in a half-hour or 45 minutes.”
McCaffrey stepped up to Kane again. He reached out his hand in offer of a truce, while still standing just close enough to make Kane crank his neck up. “Seriously, Kane, like I said, no offense intended. Really am glad you're not sick. We’ve all had to grow up a bit since those days in the Arrillaga Center. If being with us can help ya get into shape again, happy to have you. If any of us can help you out, just let us know.” He shook Kane's hand - just a bit too harshly his football handler’s grip, making Kane wince for just a second. Kane’s mind flashed in that moment to another handshake six months previous. Feeling a grip and seeing a smile that made him sink to his knees. Kane’s free hand pawing at a forearm that felt like warm marble, making him gasp. “Ya, I am pretty strong, huh, little man.”
With great force of will, Kane made himself stop thinking about it. Greetings and goodbyes exchanged, the three took their leave of the players and with a swipe of Tait’s NFL corporate office access card, the doors to the training facility opened. No sooner than had they come inside, Tait’s over the heads of everyone else’s view allowed him to see John Lynch approaching. He raised his voice to project just a bit but not as loud as he had outside. “Hello John. We ready for today?”
Lynch extended his hand as he approached which Tait took. “Hello Tait. Good to see you. I have temporary access cards for your kids. They just need to bring their photo ID’s along with this with them to have access when you’re not here. Everything else is just as you asked. The AT’s and staff will take good care of you. And it’s a pretty quiet day as far as off-season workouts go.” He glanced over at Lacey, checking the name on one of the two cards he handed in his hand and extended hers. “Hello again Ms Masters. It’s wonderful to see you again. And” Lynch stumbled over his words as he looked at Kane. “Oh my God. Matty?!?”
Kane looked more sheepish than ever at Lynch's recognition of him and use of Matty without being prompted. It wasn't worth the fight to correct him or anyone else anymore, Kane decided. He just decided to settle into it whether he liked it or not. “Yes Sir,” he replied.
Lynch marveled, “Wow. I haven't seen you since you were a preschooler, I suppose. Makes me feel old to know you’ve graduated now and have a PGA tour slot. Maybe you can help me with my drive. Sometimes the owners get mad at me for practicing my swing on the fields but they are practice fields…. Jesus, just look at you. You take after your mother so much. I can see Jess in you - you’ve even got her height. And, just my opinion, mind you, but taking after Jess is a VERY good thing. We all miss her a lot.”
Lynch handed Kane the other card. Lynch then looked to Tait as well as he said, “To both of you.” No more words needed to be said. Condolences had been extended properly to both father and son, and Tait acknowledged with a simple nod. Lynch then continued, “You're welcome to come and go any time the facilities are open from now on. You're in the security system just as if you were an employee or player. Tait knows the way to the various areas. It hasn't changed much since you were here last.”
“Thank you John.” Being reminded of Jess was always hard on Tait, but it also was a great way to release the pressure on Kane for a moment. As he told both Lacey and Matty, he was strong enough for all of them.
Once the conversation was finished and Lynch had left, the three walked past the entrance desk and into the extremely large, well-equipped gym. It actually looked like more of a converted warehouse than what one would think of as a gym. The ceiling was several stories above their heads, unfinished, giving an industrial sort of feel. On the floor were dozens of full racks, tons upon tons of plate weight and at least a dozen adjustable benches in front of a set of dumbbells that went to sizes bigger than Lacey had ever seen. Many bench set ups, pull up stations, and Olympic lift platforms. On the other side of the free weight area was a very complete set of machines that could hit every part of the body in every conceivable way. In the back were sets of doors and signs labeled with directions to a pool, sauna, cardio area, the outdoor practice fields, and athletic trainer and medical personnel office. For a gym set up to handle at most a couple hundred players, coaches, and staff who were part of the 49er organization, this place was better equipped than a gym meant to serve 20,000.
As they walked through the place, Lacey was in awe. The gym was one thing, but the other - - what Tait had warned her about and the guard Don had said about the men here was VERY true. There were not that many here at the moment - less than 20 players scattered about that she could see. But to a man, all of them were truly massive muscled beasts. Even the linemen who carried more fat than most dwarfed those who were in the same position when she was in college. Of course, Tait made all of them look small or at least short by comparison. But what truly struck her as she saw them working was that each of these men - not just Chris but all of them - dwarfed Kane by an equal measure that Tait made them look small. They were all much bigger than her, but she was a fit woman. She was used to it and felt comfortable around big male athletes. But Kane - he was a man and was an athlete and a pro in his own sport - but in here all of them made him seem little more than a child. Surrounded by a world of Taits, as it were. She began to understand why they kept referring to her fiance as a child. And Tait - he was NOT a child. And she didn't want a child– she banished the thought that was coming. As much as she felt attraction to Tait, she could never allow that to happen. She couldn’t betray Matty like that. That wasn't what they were trying to do…
Still, she couldn't help but voice something about it. “My goodness all of them are huge. I thought I was accustomed to this from Stanford or from my gym now. They were full of big guys. And being with you - is well, being with you, but you are one person, Tait. But they're all so big here. Even Chris, and he is a smaller football player. It must be really hard for you Matty. They expect me to be small. I am a girl, an ex-cheerleader. But I think they all look down to talk to you even more than they look down to talk to me.”
Tait chuckled at the irony as he too looked down, far below his own eye level to a level below his pec shelf to meet his son's eyes. “You're right, little lady. It isn't just me. Or Chris. It will be everyone here. I can tell you that on the average, pro football players are almost 7 inches taller than the average American. And have far more muscle mass and athletic ability. Even more than the average college player too, yes. Something us team doctors have to take into account when looking at the physical and mental health of players - we are far outside the norm. And, Matty,” he shifted toward his son, “I looked it up to see how you’d fit in here when either myself or Lacey are not here. By the published statistics from the team, you will be the smallest man in this facility by a LOT. Even more than that average American man is smaller. The smallest player on the team is 4 inches taller and 40 pounds heavier than you at minimum. It isn't just you having a bit of a baby face that makes them think you are a teenager. Even their teenage sons who come here - most of them are going to be bigger or at least have more muscle than you due to playing high school ball.
“No matter where you turn, everyone will be bigger and taller than you here. A skewed perception due to how big we all are is going to make them see you and treat you as a kid. They will all look down at you, but some will look down on you in more ways than one. A good football player MUST have an attitude that they will make every opponent their bitch and that every opponent is already beneath them, forgive me for using that language Lacey. You'll see that competition level sometimes in the gym. They will trash talk you for being small, and some… some will share their very true feelings about you being small. You sometimes might feel a bit better at your outside gym, and if needed I will let that happen sometimes. But as much as possible, I want you here. Remember what I said though… Feel everything just as it is. See how they see you without a filter, and we will talk later.”
Kane sighed and nodded his acceptance as they opened the door for the athletic trainer and medical treatment areas. He was going to have to accept being surrounded by men like the Man at the gym. Huge, strong, dominating personalities. Maybe that was good for him though. Maybe it wasn’t as bad when there were a lot of them instead of just the single one who knew about him like the Man. It made him shudder sometimes about what he did to the Man… What the Man had made Kane do to him. At least these men would not be like Him. He guessed the Man was right again when he said eventually his resistance would crumble. If he went back to see Him again, after the way he folded to Christian just making a bit of fun at his name, when it came to the Man and his sheer power over him… he just couldn’t stop. He had no hope of resisting, even if he wanted to. And that was the worst thing of all… did he want to resist? He didn’t know. And that was the fucked part. He realized he was the same way with his father now. He thought about that first lunch with Tait - how tried to stand up to him and how all that spunk that was gone now. Spunk - fuck – the Man even haunted his language. Tainted him. But he… he wanted the taint in some way, didn’t he? Like it was a weird sense of relief that his father controlled his life so much now. Again, exactly what the Man had said. He shouldn’t want it. But… he did. FUCK!!!, he thought. What was so wrong with me? Why can’t I stop thinking about them… about seeing and feeling and wanting what they both had and both offered, though in very different ways–
“Dr. Holden. Wonderful to see you again.” A voice interrupted. “And this must be your soon to be daughter in law? Mr. Lynch said you would be coming.” Kane’s descent into the rabbit hole of feelings and visions of the big people around him was interrupted by the voice of an athletic trainer sitting at the desk they all stood in front of. Kane felt even lower seeing this fellow. Another big man, but this of a different sort to the football players or his father or the Man. A smile of recognition had come across his face as he talked to Tait, showing the chiseled handsome features of a long-time fitness enthusiast. This fellow looked to be roughly around his and Lacey’s ages. He was not massive like the players, but he was well-honed and had fantastic shape the way many coaches and trainers and physical therapists had. Muscles flowed one into the next, gently bulging in all the right places through his team-logo polo shirt. Just then, he looked at Kane. “Oh wow. I'd heard you enjoyed mentoring teens, Dr. Holden. I didn't expect someone so young with you today, but I'm sure we can handle anything for you. Do you go to school here?”
Even Lacey looked a bit embarrassed for Kane now as the comments about his perceived age just piled on and on. And Tait had said today was supposed to be an easy sort of day, barely scratching the surface compared to later. Tait had explained exposure therapy to her, what Kane would face, and the role she had to play in both his therapy and her own. This had to be so hard on her fiance, but he had to experience it. And what she was going to do to him to add on to this… she felt so sorry. She didn’t want to do it. Maybe Tait would give her the signal to back off. If he didn’t this was going to feel like ganging up on a bullied kid. Kid – teenager. There she was thinking of Kane as a kid again. Wanting to protect him. Protect him - wasn’t that a motherly instinct? What Tait had explained to her was becoming more and more obvious - a marriage must be between adult partners and not a parent/child relationship. And for the moment anyway, Kane could not be a proper partner. Not and be so much like a child. So, she could not protect him anymore. Just how far did she view Kane as a child? Up until six months ago, she had never thought of Kane this way. And she couldn’t remember him being anything more than sweet, not like the asshole athletes she had dated before him. Part of her own therapy was making sense. Was Kane a husband or a wet, cold stray who needed cuddles and care? And had she changed from a partner to mothering him without knowing it? No wonder Tait said it was such an insidious trap.
Tait interrupted her thoughts, “Hi Kenny. Actually, this is my son Matty. And thought he might not look it, he’s in his mid 20s. He’s actually marrying Lacey here. Graduated from Stanford, and a PGA pro golfer.”
The AT looked thoroughly embarrassed. “Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Holden. Matt is it, or do you prefer Matty? Either way, please forgive me. Just knowing Dr. Holden, I was expecting his son to be someone more his size. Stature anyway. Very few men coming close to his height are ever his size as well, a child sharing the same genetics or no. Still, we are happy to have you with us. Please do not take this the wrong way, but seeing you, I feel certain you will be quite popular with our staff and present us with a bit of a rare challenge. In addition to the needs of a golfer, which we never get to assess or treat, working with a male of your slighter build is something we do not get to do very often. Please don’t become self-conscious if some of us peek in on you from time to time to remind ourselves of how to work on smaller adults than are usually around the club.”
The trainer again looked toward Tait. “Dr. Holden, anytime you want to reserve a spot on the schedule, Room 3 will be available to you and your guests. Anything you may need by way of our treatment services just let us know. Same for you Ms Masters and Mr Holden. The strength coaches and trainers are contractually reserved for the players in their coaching role, but with someone of the skill and stature of Dr. Holden doing those sorts of things, I doubt you will be in any real need of that. But as far as injury prevention or massage therapy or anything within our purview, feel free to ask anyone on staff. And, if you are here during a normal semester and don’t mind being a bit of a test subject, we always have an AT or PT intern or two from the local medical schools in the Bay area. We have everything prepared you asked for today, Doctor. The room and the attached lockers are at your disposal all day long.
“And Ms. Masters, the cheerleaders and female staff locker room is available to you whenever you need, if you prefer a female-only space outside the lockers in the treatment rooms. They are at the far end of the hall and to the right. They are key card accessed only by registered staff and female employees, and that includes you now. Plus, the male player and staff area is on the opposite side of the building, so you should be fully comfortable there. Any other questions I can answer?”
“Thanks as always, Kenny. I would call you Doctor- ” Tait said as the early 30’s trainer turned red. Tait had to needle the young man just a bit. As part of his job and travel, Tait knew almost all the medical and training staff on all teams in the League. For example, Kenny. Although he had a doctorate in Athletic Training with specializations in manual treatment and sports performance from the University of Florida and was one of the better trainers in the league, he hated people using his title. He thought that it put up an artificial barrier between himself and the players to use such formalities. So, of course, Tait had to get in the occasional good natured barb. He laughed, extended his hands in mock defeat, and then shared a warm handshake with the young professional.
Once goodbyes were given, Tait led Lacey and Kane down a hallway that looked very much like a hallway in any doctor’s office, stopping at the room labeled “Single Client - Trainer Treatment Room 3.” Once inside the room, the trio found they were surrounded by many items very familiar with, having been collegiate and professional athletes themselves. In the center of the room was a physical therapy treatment table with a massage therapy table alongside. Beside that there was a space on the floor with a rubberized mat that was large enough for any kind of physical therapy or balance exercises that needed a floor space to perform. Along the walls were various combinations of full length mirrors, cabinets labeled with various training instruments, a refrigerator, freezer, and ice machine. Another wall held items that would be found in any doctor’s office treatment room such as a scale, blood pressure and temperature equipment, cotton balls, tongue depressors, all sorts of small ace-style bandages, myotape, small braces, and the like. Also at the back was a door that opened to a series of six full-length clothing lockers kiosks with dressing chairs that were common to football locker rooms in both the collegiate and professional ranks, all of which stood empty.
Tait dropped his gym bag on the massage table and closed the door. “Alright, Lacey, little man. You two head into the lockers, change into anything you need, and leave everything else in a locker. Lacey, like Kenny said, you can use the ladies normally, but I doubt you would be too upset if Matty sees anything today. I’ll stay out here and lock mine up when we are finished with measurements. So, once you are both back out we will get started.”
“I don’t need to change, Tait,” Lacey said, “Just lock up my work clothes, my shower case, and my purse. What about you Matty?”
“I’m good. Didn’t bring that much in the first place.” So, both young people took less than a minute to put their bags in a locker and come back out into the treatment room.
Once they were back, Tait said, “First thing we’re going to do is see where we all are starting from so that means…” Tait reached into his bag and pulled out a cloth measuring tape and a black hard shell case of some sort. “Measurements. We’re gonna get height, weight, and muscle sizes like chest, upper arm, waist, quads, and more. And while doing that, I’ll teach you how to use these,” Tait opened the hard case to reveal a surgical steel instrument that looked like a clamp with a numerical gauge. “Skinfold calipers. I know there are hand-held digital machines that can measure body fat in a few seconds, but I prefer the more hands-on approach of precision calipers when we don't have access to a Bod Pod or nuclear medicine scan or that kind of thing. That way, we can not only see how our bodies each change over time and how fat is stored across the body, but also really dial in our diets to our individual custom needs. I feed this stuff to my own dietitian and coach and they make changes to my own routines based on it.”
Lacey got a huge smile across her face as her eyes slid onto Tait’s biceps, causing him to give a knowing grin in reply. “Oh, Tait. You mean we’re going to actually measure EACH muscle, not just an overall thing?” Tait just laughed and nodded his head. Lacey’s excitement became palpable… and it wasn’t just for Kane’s benefit. “You just HAVE to let me measure you as curious as I have been.” Lacey allowed her eyes to wander all over the huge body standing before her, then broke her gaze to her fiance, almost as an afterthought. “Oh… and you too Matty. I can't wait to see how much you're gonna change too.”
Tait smiled in reply, walked over, and handed her the tape. “Exactly what I was thinking, little lady. I want you to learn every part of what it takes to become the very best you. And me and Matty too. And it just might motivate me even more to make you smile at my improvements every single measurement. Nothing like genuine appreciation to help a guy build in life, be it work or play.”
By that last phrase, Tait’s voice had an almost sensual tone about it. Innuendo was THICK in the air. But that sensual growl was out the window as he looked down to his son. With Kane, he switched back into jock dominance. “Now Matty, I KNOW there are a lot of things you have never been able to do with a woman before–” Tait allowed an unspoken hint of McCaffrey’s attitude into what he said, double meaning and all, before he continued, “-- when it comes to the gym. So, I assume you've never taken measurements of a woman before, much less a very fit woman like Lacey?”
“Never, Dad,” he replied, his tone now just sort of accepting, like the beat down dork who just did the jock’s homework and gave up his lunch money without question.
Tait noticed, and decided to press into the next step a bit early. He had explained what would happen. Time for Kane to start to fully understand. He continued in his “on the edge” tone. “Matty it’s probably not wise of you to call me Dad for a while, especially here in the 49er’s gym. It’s just going to make you a target for some very serious ribbing AND, while here, I am not really going to be your Dad. I will be your trainer and your coach. And since you calling me Coach might lead to misunderstanding with the 49ers coaching staff…” Tait paused for a moment before he said, “Maybe just something simple like Sir for most things. Even in private too Sir might be best - best to get that habit you need out on the gym floor by doing it in private too. If I want someone to know you are my son, I will introduce you as such, just as I have already done today. But otherwise - let's keep it to a simple Sir. Got me kiddo?”
Kane nodded that he understood and then Tait changed on a dime as he turned toward Lacey. She was practically giddy as Tait gave her a knowing smile Kane never saw. Something they had planned - Kane was so afraid of losing Lacey to a bigger, “better” man. “Alright. Then there’s no time like the present for both of you to learn how to measure the opposite sex. You’ll both need to learn how to do this to measure your own progress after I’m gone, and you're on your own from day to day. So Matty, just to make it easier, I am gonna measure Lacey and show you how it's done. You just watch and I will explain. And I'll walk Lacey through how to measure men using me as a template, ‘cause if she can measure me, she can measure pretty much any man. Also, it’s always best for the same person to take measurements every time, since we all have our own little quirks of exactly where we put the tape, how we hold it, and we remember how we did last time. So I'll measure Lacey each time for now, until we know Matty here can duplicate everything exactly. And Lacey will just measure the guys all the way through.” Tait blatantly winked at Lacey, amping both of them up a bit, each in their very different ways. “Lacey, are you willing to do weekly measurements for each of us?”
“I would love it, Tait. Absolutely love it.” She practically gushed. Lacey’s eyes began to show that gleam that came when she was being turned on, especially by Tait’s raw masculinity.
“Awesome.” Tait replied. “And… there is that bonus of you being able to see and feel the quality changes in the muscles as you measure. Are they fuller and harder and more defined or have they back slid in some respect. Learning to appreciate the structure of this wonderful gift we each have in our physical form that we all are trying to take care of.” Tait gave her the smallest of winks again before he addressed both of them. “Now, did you both download the measurement and workout logging app I told you about?” Both nodded their heads that they did as they searched for their phones. “That's great. That app will not only keep a log. But through the net, I can see how you are doing and make changes to your workouts each day. And it already has the caliper method equations built in. All you have to do is feed it the numbers Gonna be especially important if I can't be with you on a workout or if you are traveling with your job Lacey. I plan on being with you for each one, but you know normal life can always get in the way.
“After all the measurements are done and I have the data I need, we’ll hit the gym. Matty, your workout today will just be baseline stats. A total body of basics like bench press, squat, shoulder press, deadlift. The basic strength measurements so I can get an idea of where you are and the work we need to do. Lacey and I will do the exercises with you, make sure you remember the form, all of that. Nothing you haven't done before in high school and college - but everyone who works out alone will pick up some bad form over time. We will fix that. I might do a max with you and Lacey too, but me doing a max is, well… quite heavy and a long process. And I know where mine are from my own logs. Then, like I explained, you are free to go home while Lacey and I do a much more intense chest and shoulder workout for her. Lacey, you're welcome to stay and spot me in my own workout any day if you have the time with work. Want to teach you proper spotting as well. You'll probably be pretty beat though. And like Matty, I don't want you too overloaded to start. Sound like a plan?”
Lacey gave an immediate yes while Kane showed much less excitement in his agreement. The flirtatiousness was gnawing at him, driving him even lower in his mood and the pit of inevitability - but how much of it was real. Was any of it real, or was it just to push him? He didn’t know. Even if it was one of those role plays his father had said meant nothing in the end - they didn’t have to act at all to allow their very real physical attraction to each other to come through. That attraction was real. He knew it. But he had given his word not to say anything but to just feel what it felt like to see them flirt. But perhaps, again, it was a bit of a mercy for Tait to send him home. Just sitting there and waiting with not even a workout to distract him, being the potential butt of jokes, all while watching his fiance and Dad workout very closely together and flirting even more… in a fraction of a second he saw where all of that would lead in his mind. Right down to a bedroom– Don’t act, don’t think, just feel.
“Sure, Da– Sir. I guess that is for the best.”
“Excellent, Matty. Don’t worry though, before I get home today, you will have a little homework of your own to work on your goals, especially since Lacey here will be fairly exhausted and want to rest. Anyway, more of that then. Let’s get started.
“Height and weight first. And I suppose as I am the coach and all, it is only fair that I break the ice.” Tait slid out of his trainers and socks to his bare feet and walked over to the wall where there was a medical scale with a capacity of 500 pounds and with a medical office height measure. First, Tait set the weight part of the machine, then stood on the scale with his back to the wall under the height measure and waited… but no one did anything. Tait looked a bit confused at first as he didn’t think he had to explain how to read a scale, and then laughed as he looked down. He saw Lacey getting a chair without wheels to stand in so she could reach Tait’s head. “Oops. I forgot that could be an issue with both of you. See, being big and tall does have a few problems, even though it is a lot of fun. Even my primary care doc back in New York uses a step stool, and he is over six feet.”
Lacey smiled as she fought to not be distracted by this view of Tait. Tait had told her to press the envelope in her comments. So, she did. “Nothing wrong with a BIG, STRONG coach though. Tall and strong and big and a proper man are all the order of the day where I am concerned.” Lacey smiled, standing in the chair, not being able to see Kane droop just a bit more. “I get the feeling that measuring you will become more and more of a problem with EVERY part of you so big.” She said rather provocatively as her unseen smile becoming positively impish. “Do I get to measure ALL of you?” She then raised her voice to make sure Kane was included, ”I mean measure ALL of both of you?”
Now it was Tait’s turn to try and fight out and out laughter at the thought of her actually being in a position to compare him and his son in the way she was insinuating. Now THAT would be cruel… And then, as if Lacey were a mind reader, he glanced down to Kane. Kane had moved over to where Tait had left his trainers on the floor. He was standing with his own shod foot next to Tait’s empty sneaker, just looking at the size difference. And it was quite a sight that Kane’s foot, even in a shoe, was at least four inches shorter than Tait’s shoe. His shoe looked to literally be half again as large as Kane’s. Measuring every part of them side by side would be soul-crushing to Kane if the look on Kane’s face just as a comparison of shoe size was any indication… but he may have to do it.
Both he and his son knew he was the much bigger of the two endowments. Kane had seen his father in the bathroom and getting dressed occasionally growing up and well - Kane knew that Tait would have been a very well-endowed man if he were normal height. But like everything else about him, even that was scaled UP to match that giant muscled body. Lacey had to know that too, though she had never seen Tait in the flesh. Tait idly wondered what she would think at the comparison only he and Kane could make right now. But he controlled himself. Now was not the time to think about what being handled by a lovely young woman might do. That would be too much… for the moment. “Every muscle that gets a workout, yes, we have to measure. And who knows how much THAT muscle gets a workout.” Tait smiled looking straight ahead for the measurement. Because of their position, only Tait could see the look of alarm on Kane. Just considering and remembering his father while looking at the shoes brought terror to his soul. But Kane quickly calmed when he heard from Tait. “BUT… maybe it is better for Matty there to learn to measure that one in private if or when the time comes. If… you know - it avoids questions. Are you good with that, Matty?”
Kane practically screamed his agreement to get his fiance to avoid ever seeing his father’s manhood.
“Well,” Lacey said, trying not to sound too crestfallen. “I will just have to dream up a reason for Matty there to learn how to do that. Who knows what it might inspire that I might benefit from.” Both men turned a bit red from just how forward she was with that. She really never had any intent of doing anything right now or in the future with Tait as far as sex was concerned. She was just provoking Matty. But, like every other woman, she just had to be curious if a man Tait’s size translated to everywhere. She let the thought go and focused on taking the current measurement. She assured herself that everything was lined up as Tait had told her. Then she hopped to the floor, pressed the start button, and allowed the machine to do its calculation. When the reading popped up, her eyes bulged in disbelief, “WOW, Tait. That’s just… It says 206 and one-third centimeters. 6 foot, 9.25 inches.”
Tait chuckled, “Sounds about right. A little taller than I am used to or that my doctor last measured back in New York, but those things happen with different pieces of equipment. Maybe this one just errs a bit tall, and a quarter of an inch isn’t that much in the grand scheme, when you’re my height. What’s the weight?”
Lacey pressed a button to change to the scales. “This says 151.75 kilograms, 367.6 pounds. My God, Tait. No one is this BIG and TALL at the same time. It’s incredible.”
“Weight is only up a pound though.” Tait remarked with a hint of disappointment. “So, I guess I will need to up my calories depending on the other measurements.” Lacey and Kane seemed utterly taken with the fact that Tait was disappointed to be 370 pounds, but it was clear. But Tait went on to what Lacey said, “There are a few like me out there on social media and in real life. Tom Haviland in Australia. Martyn Ford in Britain. Aaron Reed down in LA. Olivier Richters even has me beat at 7 foot 2, though I just passed him in weight. Met them all at Mr Olympia and the Arnold Classic except Tom as he tends to keep to himself, though I have messaged him on occasion. The League likes to support those big bodybuilding/fitness expos since a number of our players are under contract to supplement companies. And since I fit in with the bodybuilding scene… But, anyway, we are kind of rare. But I am not the biggest. So…” He said, devilishly smiling down at her as he stepped off the scale. “You want to help make me into the BIGGEST?”
Lacey beckoned Tait as he stepped out from under the scale and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You don’t even have to ask. It is the least I can do given what you are doing for me… and for Matty.” The kiss was perfectly innocent - or maybe not.
Tait was a bit surprised that Kane did not lose his cool over that, considering how much he did last week over less. It was a kiss from his fiance to another man. Then again, a peck on the cheek from his future daughter in law wasn’t exactly feeling up. “Well, that is reward enough for any red blooded man. Now, let's get your measurements started.” He gestured for Lacey to do as he had done, and she similarly took off her socks and shoes as he entered in the data she had told him into his own recording app so that he and his own coach - Milos Sarcev in Las Vegas - could see. As much as he was training the kids and they would learn a lot, Tait needed an experienced eye and Milos happily agreed when they, Flex Lewis, and Regan Grimes had struck up a conversation at the Dragon’s Den Gym when he was last in Vegas for the Raiders and a UFC night.
As Lacey stood in the machine, Tait gently lined her up under the height measure, and read the results. “Looks like 5 feet, 6.33 inches tall and 129 pounds, Lacey. And those are rather lean pounds if I may say so.” which made Lacey blush for the first time during the day. It made her feel amazing to be complimented by such an incredible, real man. Instinctual feelings that Kane could never touch one way or another, Tait could and did. She could see why no woman could resist him just as Kane had said about him before meeting him. He could charm anyone, setting aside his physicality. She felt the pull to him. And sometimes she wondered if he did it on purpose.
“Well, Matty, hop on up here. Lacey, let’s see how a fellow on the opposite end of the size spectrum comes out for you to measure.” Tait said. Just as the others had, Kane stepped onto the scale, and Lacey pressed the buttons… and then she looked confused. She looked to make sure she had everything adjusted as she had with Tait. Seeing that she had, she cleared the computer and pressed the readout button again… and again she was silently confused. Tait took a couple of steps behind her and looked over her shoulder and… he was confused too.
Kane noticed, “What’s wrong Da– Sir?”
Tait looked down on his son with an odd sense of disappointment. “Well, Matty, I have to say it is a bit odd. I thought it was going to be like me with a slight bit of misreading toward being too tall, but after four times, the reading is the same. 5 feet, 5.5 inches and 148 pounds. Have to say that is a little… disappointing. Though no reason to cry over it. It is what it is. I just always remembered you to be almost the same height as Lacey - 5’6'' and a bit of change. And that weight - I do not remember you ever weighing that much, and it isn’t muscle growth for sure - not being out of the gym for so long. I am afraid the body fat measures will again be a bit… disappointing.”
Kane looked a bit shaken as he stepped off the scale. It was just some sort of bad measurement. Surely, it can’t be that bad, letting himself go for a while. To assuage himself, he stood in front of Lacey. He knew where he always looked into Lacey’s eyes when she was not in heels or anything. Lacey stood tall, realizing what he was doing, and they both noticed it. She was looking a bit higher on Kane than she ever had before, and he was looking a bit lower on her. Not by buckets full of inches. But, for whatever reason, Kane was just a tiny bit shorter. Perhaps, she thought, maybe he is just stooping over a bit, rather than standing tall. He is feeling lots of odd stuff right now that would make anyone slouch over just a bit. There was no medical way he was getting shorter.
Kane looked distraught as he stepped away, but Tait said, “Kiddo, there are a lot of reasons for a loss in height. At your age, bad posture, muscle mass loss, a gain in body fat around the middle after your back weakens from not using it in exercise, even a shorter haircut for those guys with thick hair…” Kane looked at his father at the same time, hopeful and… disappointed. As his father said, “As I said, kiddo, we have some work ahead of us and things are a little … disappointing. We just need to fix it, and we will. We certainly do not want a nickname like Runt to become a name you deserve, right?”
Kane silently shook his head no. What his father said… was the Man said. No need to pretend to be something and someone you’re not with me. I am the ALPHA and you’re the runt of the litter. That’s OK. Just be who you are and accept your purpose and you will be happy. You will like being a runt who helps a giant man grow…
Kane tried to banish the thoughts, tried to stay on the positive that this could change, perhaps. Maybe. Kinda change? Just a bit… when he saw his father grab the calipers and the tape measure. “We have that out of the way at least, let’s get to the next. Here you go, Lacey.” Tait handed both items to Lacey. “Since you are going to take measurements on both Matty and me first, you get these. Now, let me show you how to operate the calipers. Matty, watch so you can see too when it will be your turn to do this. This is how you use this to get the measurements for the body fat calculator.” Tait sat on one of the trainer’s chairs and showed both how to operate the device, how to read the gauge, the protocol for the Jackson 7 Point and the Parillo 9 Point methods, and how to pull a skin fold using the back of his hand as an easy place they all could see.
Once Lacey and Kane said they understood, Tait arose from the seat. “OK, there are 10 total spots between the two methods and we will use the tape measure for most of them too. Let’s start with the easiest one. Abdominals and measuring a waist. The fold point is one inch to the right of the navel. Let me just take off my shirt here.” Tait reached down and ripped off the compression shirt to an audible gasp from both Lacey and Kane. They had both seen plenty of photos of abs, seen plenty more in the gym, but like this? They had NEVER seen what Tait just produced. He had six huge bricks above a larger seventh below his navel. Obliques literally rippled in stark relief to each side. But what amazed Lacey was how perfectly shaped they were. Each brick, no matter how big or small, six pack, adonis belt, or oblique, was an absolute perfect rectangle and a mirror image of its opposite. Each groove between them was an almost perfect straight line. And they were DEEP grooves too. Lacey was absolutely certain that she could lay her finger in one of those grooves and that finger would be swallowed to the knuckle they were so deep. And she was just as sure, so would Kane’s. Young men talked about aesthetics, but this… this was perfection.
Lacey looked up at Tait as he smiled down, her eyes almost quivering with shock. Tait smirked a bit at her reaction to him. It wasn’t totally unexpected, but what was was the sound coming from behind her, from Kane. Kane had gasped as well, but he was breathing almost as hard as Lacey. Lacey had never seen him before but Kane certainly had. Perhaps not this cut, but his shape wasn’t something new to his son. Tait filed this reaction into his memory for use later. It was just one more additional support to his theory of what was bothering Kane. But, he chose not to point it out right now. He would in private that afternoon.
Tait’s processing took less than a second before he said, “Oh, damn, What is it, little lady?”
Lacey’s voice was just above a whisper. “Oh Tait. Your abs…. Your abs…”
“Yes,” Tait said with even more of a smirk.
“Can… I…. touch them? Like your arm?”
Tait chuckled, “Well, you are going to have to touch pretty much all of me to take the caliper and tape measurements. So be my guest. I doubt Matty will be upset if you touch me now, huh Matty?”
Kane responded almost reflexively, “No… Sir.” and then Tait noticed an almost imperceptible ‘Wow” from his son, and he could not be sure, but his son’s pupils looked to be a bit wider and his cheeks slightly flush–
Lacey reached out and laid her petite hand over Tait’s abs and began to rub. She gasped at what she saw. What she heard. Tait’s skin. It was— different. As she rubbed the stone hard, yet slightly moving bricks, his skin seemed to slide back and forth over top of the muscle. Rather than being “tied” to his body, it seemed more like a flesh colored rubber sheet over the literal embodiment of power. She decided to rub harder, and faster and as she did, she heard a sound. Woosh, Woosh, Woosh. The sound coming from Tait’s skin and abs as she rubbed it was amazing. A sound she had never heard before but it was like… films she had seen of women using a washboard.
She began to laugh, “Oh my god. It’s a washboard!!!”
Tait had a proper laugh, “Oh yes. There is a reason for the name for some guys.” Lacey began to slow the rubbing and allowed her hand to explore more slowly as Tait said, “When your bodyfat reaches a certain point, the skin loses some of its lipid layer too. It reaches the point where it is almost lose over the muscle like rubbing the skin on the back of your hand and being able to see and feel the ligaments and tendons under it. But with this - you can see and feel the muscle, not only shape and size but even the striations between the bundles. Now, let me show you how this works, little lady.” Lacey used much of her willpower to stop her worship of Tait’s core long enough for Tait to show her where and how to pull the skin fold on his abs. Lacey again was startled at how it behaved… and more than a little turned on by a sign of manhood she had never seen before.
When she had the measurement done and Tait said she had done it properly, he entered it into his calculator. But before they went on with the tape measurement Lacey said, “Come here Matty, I want to see what yours are like next to this.” Kane looked like he had just had a handgun pulled on him in some sort of mugging but Lacey immediately said, “I know you’re not like Tait. I just want to see what a normal person who doesn’t workout is like next to this.” Kane reluctantly did as he was asked and took off his t-shirt to reveal… a tummy that had just a hint of a bulge of fat. Smooth, but no definition at all of anything under it. While Kane certainly did not have a belly, the difference between the two men was so striking that they may as well have been a different species. Lacey laid her hand back on Tait’s abs and put the other on Kane’s and rubbed. She was astonished how soft and different her fiance’s core was. Soft, smooth, none of that washboard movement or sound. Something that had a bit of jiggle versus a rock hard statue. Her breathing became just a bit harder, faster as she took in the contrast…
“OK. This is why I want you to feel and know each of us so you can know as we change. I promise you little lady. You will feel and see a WHOLE LOT in the next few weeks. Use the tape measure and get a measurement of my waist.” Lacey pulled back from her revelry, took a long cleansing breath and focused as Tait showed here were to wrap the tape around his core and how to hold it to measure properly. “My god Tait, 33 inches exactly. And you are 6’9?” That waist is smaller than most men half your size.”
Tait laughed again, ‘Well smaller than obese men, but plenty of men smaller than me. Matty is, no doubt. But in bodybuilding, Chris Bumstead’s waist is just 30 inches on his almost 6 foot 2. So many bodybuilders out there are smaller than me. But I am really glad you like it. Lacey, let me get yours quickly. But before I do, I want you to see something. You too Matty. I am not as unique as you think.” Like Kane before her, Lacey pulls her shirt up and over head with more than a bit of trepidation. But as she drops her shirt to the floor revealing a sports bra and exposed midriff under it, Tait shocked her by letting out a low whistle. “That’s about what I thought I was going to see. Come here Matty, Lacey, look at each other in the mirror here.” Tait lined up both side by side and as they looked, Lacey was awestruck.
Her abdomen was as different from Kane’s as Tait’s was. Lacey moved herself around a bit, watching a wonderful, defined, but still feminine set of abs along her long hourglass torso move at her whim. She reached up and touched her own abdomen and began to rub the same way she did with Tait’s. “Oh my god. I never thought–” she said, as she saw the skin on her own torso move as a hybrid between Tait’s and Kane’s beside her. She could see the muscle under the skin, soft and supple, yet hard and unmoving. The contrast to Kane’s waist is truly striking - a fit, strong woman beside a very average undefined male. She looked like power.. Looked like a match for Tait, like they belonged in a way that Kane just couldn’t.
Tait leaned into her ear and spoke but also loud enough for Kane to hear, “And that is why I say you have such promise. Lacey, you are already remarkable. And we are going to make you that much better. That’s why Matty here can’t keep up right now, why he isn’t ready. This is why you are so much further ahead. And why he is so lucky to have such an amazing woman. Now let me get the measurement.” Tait expertly takes the body fat measurement on Lacey’s tight abs, and then wraps the tape measure expertly around her waist - allowing his fingers to explore the smallest bit… “Just shy of 26 inches. That is a wonderfully in-shape size 4 and exactly what I would expect from a fit, amazing woman.”
Kane for his part, just looked on in awe of Lacey. They had not had sex in a while and really had not been naked around each other much since he met the Man. He didn’t know her difference was so startling. He was silent through the whole interaction, absorbed in the contrast. Lacey really was so much better than him. So far ahead. Like his father and the Man. They belonged together. She was a goddess as much as his father was a god. No wonder she is so attracted to Dad, he thought. She has every right to be. His father was like her. They were kindred spirits. Again, he began to sink lower, almost to the point of hating himself for how far he had allowed himself to fall. And he was still sinking lower every day. Watching his father take Lacey’s measurements, and what he said. He was exactly right… and seeing them together, like this, two muscled, strong people - one fully masculine, one fully feminine - it was so… so… hot–
Suddenly, Tait dropped to one knee in front of Lacey. Lacey gasped again, realizing that even on one knee, Tait was still TALLER than both she and Kane were. Then he gave her an amazing, knowing smile, held up his right bicep, flexed it right in front of her eyes. “Biceps now. Wrap that tape right around the middle and then we will do a caliper right at the middle of where the peak is.”
Lacey was very nearly drooling, her eyes wide as saucers, as the mountainous peak of her favorite muscle, as large as her head, was mere inches from her body. It almost blocked her vision, and at this range she could see not only veins, but the striations in the muscle and the huge but perfect cleft between the head of muscle - all under his thin skin. Her hands were near trembling as she reached out again and began to rub the skin and pull as she had around Tait’s abs. The movement was identical. So powerful and masculine. She slowly, almost seductively slowly, stretched the tape around the giant lump of hard flesh. “That’s it, little lady. Right around the highest part and pull it tight. Good.” Tait glanced up to see Kane, looking over at the sight with a look on his face he could not place. It wasn’t anger. Tait couldn't be sure but it was as if Kane were remembering something. Another thing to explore.
“Tait - my goodness.” Lacey said, her mouth almost dry, while another part of her anatomy was very nearly wet. “Almost 24 inches Tait. Just one little tick mark below it. Jeez, it is so big.”
“Not as big as I want it to be, but it is a beginning. Just like us all right now. Just a beginning. Come here and let's see what you've got, Matty.” Kane’s color drained from his face so fast that Tait and Lacey thought he might almost faint, but quickly Tait said, “Come on, little man. We have to measure you and nobody expects you to be close to looking like me. I don't. Lacey doesn't. And we’re alone here. Put it up.”
Kane knew he couldn't avoid it. He had promised and he knew both he and Lacey were right. No one expected him to be massive like his Dad. But what Kane held up was so nondescript as to truly shock Lacey. There was almost nothing. Barely any rise, not a vein. No definition at all. No… Nothing.
“Go on Lacey. Measure that… well like I said. It's disappointing now but we will work hard on it.” Lacey spent as little time as possible measuring Kane's arm and said, “12 and a half inches Kane. Wow. Your Dad is almost fully double your size.”
Then, as if to prove the point, Tait fully extended his arm and put it next to Kane’s. It was astonishing. Tait’s forearm was vastly bigger than Kane’s biceps. Lacey quickly slid the tape around where she thought the thickest part was to reveal 19 inches. But with a chuckle from the giant, Tait moved so that both men's biceps lined up next to each other. Kanes entire arm - bones, skin, muscle, all of it - looked like it could fit inside just one of Taits relaxed, extended bicep heads. His arm really was twice Kane’s size.
“Matty, with enough time and work we will take that arm and make it grow–” at the word grow, Tait began to slowly flex, making his arm grow - “and Grow…. And GROW.” Kane looked at the looming wide beast of an arm. The titanic arm looked like it was an altar that needed worship. Kane looked into his massive fathers eyes - and as his fathers gaze met him back, there was a huge zip through Kane’s gut. His fathers huge mass, that look - he felt that raw desire he knew women felt. Holy Shit, it was so powerful. So different from the Man… yet so much the same. He knew Lacey understood even if he could not directly ask her. The feelling ran through him with the power of an electric shock. His father was such a force of nature… He wanted so much to … With that muscle… like the Man. Then Tait did something Kane never expected. He leaned over into his son's ear and he said so softly but with such power it shook the little man, “Don't worry Runt. Just feel. I told you you're gonna help me grow and keep special tabs on this muscle. I want you to be inspired so - you'll get plenty of up close personal time. We will talk this afternoon. Just feel…”
Immediately, as if he said nothing at all, Tait pulled back, stood, and went back to normal. Kane was terrified at first that Lacey had heard, but when he looked at her, it was clear - she hadn’t. Kane wasn’t even sure if it had taken place as immediately his father and Lacey reacted like it didn’t. “Before we start doing the harder ones like lats, let's do quads. Another one that is easy for you to get to.” Seemingly absent-mindedly, Tait reached down to his waist and slowly peeled off the tight shorts to reveal – something stunning. Tait was standing there wearing a pair of shining red bodybuilding posers that highlighted quads that even the legendary Tom Platz would have had a double take over. They looked like literal tree trunks, the massive slabs of quads, hamstring, teardrops, and calves below moving out and in, writhing beside and on top of each other for space. Veins thick and thin criss-crossed the thin, tanned skin. The closer Lacey and Kane looked, the more striations and veins and power poured out of them.
“Go ahead both of you. Tell me what you think.” The kids were little more than inches from the huge legs, this time both drawn in like moths to a flame, when Tait did something new. He pointed his toe forward, put his arms behind his Head and crunched down into an ab and thigh pose. Veins and striations instantly exploded even more. His thin skin got even thinner. Tait looked like Superman, with muscle so big and hard that he could stop a bullet. Four little hands moved to the muscle feeling, pressing, even light hitting… But he was impenetrable. Then there was an audible gasp from both of them. What Tait thought might need to be avoided for Kane right now happened anyway. He noticed both of them had focused their eyes on the ample package in his posers at nearly the same time.
“Oh my…” Lacey's voice trailed off. She couldn't help it. Last week, looking at Tait’s shoes, she was right. She couldn't see it of course but it had to dwarf most men she had ever seen. What was both unexpected and expected was Kane. Whereas Lacey had lust in her eyes of a purely sexual kind, Kane's also had lust just as strong. Desire… But not sexual. Tait was almost sure of it as he watched in hidden bewilderment. He truly had not expected this. He hadn’t seen anything like this since James and Janet had – Oh SHIT!!! Tait thought. Was THAT it? Had Kane given himself away in a moment of lust seeing him in a poser? No wonder he felt so low, if all that was going on was over THAT. No wonder he was so scared of losing Lacey. But what about the other feelings he had seen Matty have. The haunted one… There was more to this. An aspect even James and Janet hadn’t shown him. Those memories he knew he saw playing over and over in Kane’s mind’s eye. The distracted moments when he knew Kane was reliving,,, something. There was so much more.
“Jesus Dad– I mean SIR. That's,Thats's…” Kane said in his worship not realizing he was even speaking.
Tait decided for right now, until he could explore this more, until Kane allowed him into what the memories were, to just let Kane feel. And he would approach Lacey during her session if she noticed. Was there something she knew about but was either embarrassed or just didn’t think to mention or too small to think was important? If so - there was time to prepare her. If not… it could be very bad. Tait used all his practiced physician’s clinical detachment to go on as if he didn’t notice their visual focus on his crotch. “Oh, the posers? Well, my coach has been after me to do a show or maybe even get a pro card at my age. I just wanted to do this for myself, but he says I should go for it. Maybe I should. Anyway, as part of that I got some posers, and the bodybuilding gurus tell you to wear them under your pants or shorts for underwear until they feel like they are part of you. I forgot I even had them on. Go ahead Lacey. Grab the measurement of my quad. Right around the center of the thigh at the thickest part. We need to hit the gym soon and there'll be plenty of time for me to get in some posing practice with you both, if you want.”
Both nodded silently that they wanted to see him pose as Lacey, in a form of zombie obedience reminiscent of Kane’s earlier behavior, knelt down to put the tape around the tree trunk where Tait told her. Tait was preparing to de-escalate this as he needed the kids to focus on lifting. He loved blowing their minds with his body and strength, but they needed to focus on the iron. But just as he was about to move them on, Lacey said, “Tait… I kind of need you to spread your legs a bit. They’re touching and too big and hard for me to get the tape around them unless I…I…touch–”
Tait looked down genuinely embarrassed. He saw the situation. Not only was Lacey struggling with taking the measurement, she was having to kneel down so that his giant package was right in her face. He looked over to Kane who looked equal parts turned on and horrified at what he was seeing, fully expecting some sort of sexual display that he would run from the room from. He was all for blowing the kids minds but… not that kind of blowing. In his first break of character, Tait pulled back a bit, spread his legs, and helped Lacey get the measurement without his cock being inches from her mouth.
When it was done, Lacey stared at the number for more than a few seconds. And then, as if something then took over her body, she flew at almost warp speed, first measuring Tait’s calf muscle and then a very shocked Kane's quad. Her voice was nearly as quiet, “Just… wow.” She looked up at both of them. “I was curious if your arms were like your legs. But it is much more than that. Tait, your calve is just a bit bigger than Matty's whole quad. Your calve versus his whole thigh and you win. And I bet the calve has more muscle too… And your quad is bigger than his waist and mine. By a mile. 34 and 7⁄8 inches. So big and must be so strong. Everything about you is so big…”
Tait added on, “They're strong, yes. I think I'll have plenty of good cause to show you just how strong. Both of you. Cause I really want to help you both as you help me. We're in this together in ALL our roles, no matter what. I… I think it might be best if we work on getting everything done, or we will be here all day and never lift a single dumbbell. You both OK with that and maybe I can do some more proper posing for you at home.” The kids nodded, and they went to work, getting measured and recording across all the caliper points and tape measurements.
It took another fifteen minutes of effort to get the measurements as Tair continued to blow the kids' minds even if he wasn’t intending to. The kids had slid back into most of their clothes as the measurements continued. But they were working steadily until there was a knock at the door. “Doctor Holden, I wanted to check to see if you needed anything.” The voice outside was that of Kenny.
“Come in, Kenny, we are good though–” Tait said as the door opened.
“I was just about to step out for lunch and–” then Kenny’s eyes got a bit wide. “Well, it may be over ten years since you retired, but – it is still pretty clear you know exactly how to act in an NFL locker room. There are stories about you. No one outside of players ever actually shares them. But the rest of us overhear. We who have never played at this level overlook it as locker banter. I guess, if anything, with you they were minimizing the facts…” Kenny chuckled and nodded slightly. It was only then that Tait noticed that he hadn’t put his shorts or shirt back on. He had gone through with the kids measuring dressed as if he were in a bodybuilding warm up room. God knows how many times he had been pushing his manhood in front of the kids - not that either of them had said anything.
Tait smiled, “I really hadn’t noticed. Old habits die hard I guess.”
Kenny said, “Old habits, I just bet. Ms. Master, Mr. Holden - in an NFL locker room, the players are well known for doing almost everything in compression underwear. You see photos of it every once in a while. They are so accustomed to traveling together and being in a locker room, normal inhibitions go down. They do it for all sorts of reasons - part for convenience and part for…well–”
“Establishing a peck-ing order.” Tait said the double entendre was thick on his lips.
“That too. There are stories about your father, Matty, that still go around the locker rooms of where he played. He liked to make it known JUST where he stood, if you get my meaning. So, Matty, don’t let him put ideas in your head. If you wind up being the small fry in an NFL locker room, so to speak, they never let you live it down. And as for you –”
“Well, I am thinking of doing a bodybuilding show and I got the posers custom-made like everything else I wear–” Tait smiled in faux innocence.
“I should imagine so. IFBB judges are not known for liking accidental exposure of the assets. I will take my leave before this gets any worse.” Kenny then seemed to say to himself as he closed the door, “Jeez, they retire but you never get the football jock measuring contests quite out of them…”
Tait laughed uproariously as he reached down, grabbed his shorts, and put them back on. “There we go. Eruption contained. I’m sorry kids. I really didn’t notice. It really is an old habit that you just don't think about in the League.” For once, Lacey and Kane shared a glance at each other and both asked each other with their eyes the same question - was that true or had he done it deliberately. Neither knew but… both were a bit shocked that neither seemed to mind if it was deliberate, though they didn’t want to say it.
But, finally dressed and ready, Tait entered the final numbers into the calculator and made the announcement of where they began -
Tait - 6’9”, 367lb, 8.4% Body Fat
Biceps - 24.125
Forearms - 19.25
Chest - 62
Waist - 33
Quads - 34.875
Calves- 23.875
Matty - 5’5”, 148lb, 14.2% Body fat
Biceps - 12.5
Forearms - 12
Chest - 39
Waist - 27.5
Quads - 23
Calves - 13
Lacey - 5’6” , 129 lb, 13.9% body fat
Biceps - 13.5
Waist - 25.875
Hips - 34.5
Bust - 34
Quads - 24
Calves - 14
“Now, let's go you two. We have some iron to move and some muscle to build. Let’s make a new beginning count…” - continued–
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