WashburnDaddy Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 Short and .... sweet! Lovely stuff @muscleaddict- rocks along at a neat pace & yet gives a snapshot insight into two of the protagonists in the tale and who are part of the Deano story! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DennisFLL Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 I agree, Washburn. And a "snapshot insight" into Senior's awareness of Junior's sexuality as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mdlftr Posted September 26, 2020 Share Posted September 26, 2020 And THIS they call BUILDING SUSPENSE: “He didn’t say anything to you about … a lad at work?” Fran’s eyes meet mine. There’s something in her expression. Like she knows what I’m asking. Does she know something I don’t? She shakes her head. “No, Deano.” ================== [Da da DAAAAAAHHHHH! * Drum roll * Cymball CRASH!!!*] Daddy oblivious and Mommy same wavelength have a serious failure to communicate! Oh, Deano Jr.!! I wouldn't want to be you!! Twat-faced pocket rocket! You come by it all honestly!! You Da is the biggest, swell-headest pocket rocket ever! ["I like the way the opening in the robe shows off the cleft in my pecs!"] Man, I could read Deano Sr. flashbacks all day! Great storytelling Muscleaddict!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrLashout Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 A great little story there. I hope this isn't the last we hear of the MU universe. CJ your writing gets stronger with every story 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muscleaddict Posted September 27, 2020 Author Share Posted September 27, 2020 Thanks for these great comments! To be honest, I was in two minds about sharing this. It's been a while since I wrote a short story and I wasn't sure if the writing really held up to my last few stories so I'm really glad some of you enjoyed it. This was fun to write though - it felt like a nice change of pace to do something short. It was also nice to be able to write and share something quickly for once! 7 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mdlftr Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 On 9/27/2020 at 7:44 AM, muscleaddict said: Thanks for these great comments! To be honest, I was in two minds about sharing this. It's been a while since I wrote a short story and I wasn't sure if the writing really held up to my last few stories so I'm really glad some of you enjoyed it. This was fun to write though - it felt like a nice change of pace to do something short. It was also nice to be able to write and share something quickly for once! Muscleaddict - Kudos to you in creating such memorable characters that the dialog and interactions almost write themselves! As an American, much of Deano Sr.'s idiomatic speaking is new to me, and I have to take a half second to translate it in my head , but his dialogue is tremendously revealing of his character. As I understand his character, he's a working class, cocky bodybuilder/business owner who has worked hard for what he has, is a big proponent of hard work, and is tremendously proud of his accomplishments - his body, his family, his business. He's also bad at communicating with other people, he talks waaay more than he listens to anybody, and he has a tendency to burn bridges because he takes things too far - in word and deed. He loves his ex-wife and children but he doesn't quite understand them. He thinks that life is "his way or the highway" and is actually quite sensitive underneath the muscles, obnoxious manner and braggadocio. He'd love to have his wife back, but he's realistic enough to know that his marriage is over. You've done a terrific job in creating him. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DennisFLL Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 Touche Mdlftr. Perfectly analyzed. And I think we may anticipate more excellent character development from CJ of Ryan and perhaps others from this MU series. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S01 Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 Absolutely loved it. Hope more will cum, euh come. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnnyCoxx Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Brilliant! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mdlftr Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 22 hours ago, Mdlftr said: As a different comment: I don't know how unique of a voice the character of Ryan has. Unlike Deano Sr. and Jr., he doesn't have the funny, punchy delivery. However, in his statements to Deano Jr. about why he is gong to stand by his girlfriend, he shows a great depth of character and commitment to doing the right thing, even if he can't glibly say so. Ryan understands that "being a man" is more than just having a terrific, sexy, muscular, strong, body. A "man" honors his commitments, no matter the personal cost to himself. On some level, I think THAT is what he taught Deano Jr., in addition to the fact that Deano Jr. could be loved for himself. I could see Ryan continuing as a successful pro bodybuilder with a family that becomes part of his "brand". The partying days of youth are behind him. For Deano, Jr., however - everything's open at this point. Where will he go? What will he do? What sets him apart from his school mates that will make him uniquely his own individual? He doesn't need somebody else's cast off partner/boyfriend. He can find his own. He's done it with Ryan and he'll do it again. Man, talk about getting swept up in the life of an imaginary character! MuscleAddict, you've really inspired me, and a bunch of other people as well ! [Yes, Sjdmuscle, I'm looking at you Also DennisFLL and a host of others! ] Thanks for writing this story! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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