m/m Harvzilla - Last Part (added 22/06/21)

[Ro20316]

On 6/21/2021 at 6:16 PM, Azerreza said:

"Ready for a new match ?" he said in smiling.

Ready ? Oh fuck yeah I was ready: the season was not over !!! And after that, why not... a world championship ?

They are true titans now.

What an explosive end

[Azerreza]

Hehe and they have not finished growing !

[MadMutter]

Heck yeah, this last part was a fun read once again! I couldn't make it through the whole thing in one go lol

So as for advice/ opinion on the whole story, but especially this part. This is all personal opinion and I am certainly not a writer.

I'd strongly recommend not to use references like Holocaust or hiroshima for a fetish story. Or at all in the way it's been done here. It strongly threw me off.
I think you had a little too much repetition in here. Like the line "break their fists on the abs", the line "bigger than an Olympia bodybuilder, a Titan, etc." or the word reference to "titanium" came too often, jus to give some examples.

All in all it was once again REALLY intense. Even more so than usually. But I found it to be a little too much. There was no calm, there was no relaxed point. It was all climax after climax after climax, going higher and higher with each growth. Because of that the second half felt a little dull. As the reader I was getting tired of how intense it was after the first half. Since it's an immersive fetish story you're putting a certain kind of stress on the reader when you go for such intense growth spurts. That is a good stress// excitment, but too much of it can be tiring.
For a personal note I want to add, that I really like the growths in stages and then there to be something in between. Like writing about how they are feeling their newly enlarged muscles in just everyday scenarios, how people react, what new situations occur. Underlining the impact of the growth so to say.

You also went quite fast with going extreme. And when you were there there was very little new to write about. They were already super massive. Already hyper everything. Not much more interesting that happens after that. They just become more hyper lol The only interesting thing after a certain muscle size is the height growth. Furtther muscle growth either becomes grotesque (which is totally up to the reader) or unrelatable. Because there is no such thing, noone has a good mutual understanding of what a 12ft titan looks like. So once you enter that area more detail in description would be good. (Like how big is each body part, what could it be compared to etc.)

So this also somewhat comes down to opinion but maybe you should focus more on the early stages of growth if you want to do long stories. For short stories you can do whatever but if you have fun doing longer ones you could try giving it all some structure and pace. Write a script before you start, have some heights and lows. And build a world that is engaging and meaningful.

 

But do whatever is fun to you in the end. It seems like you mostly enjoy the hyper and extreme, which is fine. This is all about just having fun, you don't need to change anything, only if you want to improve on writing.

Your stories are fun and very unique. Because you dare to just type down what comes to your mind without worrying about what a story usually is like you have been making refreshing new content here. Unlike anything I've read before.

Thanks a lot for your stories!

[Azerreza]

Whoa ! Thank for your big review. I appreciate, really !!

For holocaust, yeah, I didn't think about this on the spot but effectively, it's not a good idea. I will update for to do not mention it.

For repetitions, effectively I'm repeating myself quite a bit, in particular on this story because there were many scenes of growths, more than others stories and I wanted each one to be really intense but then I run out of ideas to describe each one differently.

I take note for the intensity, I admit that I didn't think about an overflow on the spot but when I think about it, yes, it is growth on growth on growth with not really story between. And for this, I must say the story is almost non-existent, finally it is almost just pretexts for muscle growths.

I'm really sorry that it didn't live up to your expectations, I probably got too excited about this story and also something that you have well targeted, make a script: often I have just the story in mind, when there is a growth etc and the main lines of history, but not necessarily all the details. I should define that first, including the comparisons so it would be much easier to describe and probably more interesting to read.

For quick growths, I think I would have a harder time doing a story with a "slow growth" and yet I love reading this kind of story, @pasidious for example is very very good for this kind of thing. I have already tried to do the same but too often I end up falling back on quick growths (probably because there is often too little story in my stories xD).

I'm still thinking about the fourth chapter of Muscle seduction and I might ask you several things, to see if it's a good idea for you or not because I really want you to love this chapter as much as you loved the third one and for this chapter, it will probably be less "growths on growths" (and slightly more story).

Sorry again if it didn't live up to your expectations but really, I know there is nothing more annoying than a disappointing story when you expect a lot but thank you for your feedback which is always very constructive because that is what will allow me to achieve this goal ! So thank you very much @MadMutter

[MadMutter]

47 minutes ago, Azerreza said:

Whoa ! Thank for your big review. I appreciate, really !!

For holocaust, yeah, I didn't think about this on the spot but effectively, it's not a good idea. I will update for to do not mention it.

For repetitions, effectively I'm repeating myself quite a bit, in particular on this story because there were many scenes of growths, more than others stories and I wanted each one to be really intense but then I run out of ideas to describe each one differently.

I take note for the intensity, I admit that I didn't think about an overflow on the spot but when I think about it, yes, it is growth on growth on growth with not really story between. And for this, I must say the story is almost non-existent, finally it is almost just pretexts for muscle growths.

I'm really sorry that it didn't live up to your expectations, I probably got too excited about this story and also something that you have well targeted, make a script: often I have just the story in mind, when there is a growth etc and the main lines of history, but not necessarily all the details. I should define that first, including the comparisons so it would be much easier to describe and probably more interesting to read.

For quick growths, I think I would have a harder time doing a story with a "slow growth" and yet I love reading this kind of story, @pasidious for example is very very good for this kind of thing. I have already tried to do the same but too often I end up falling back on quick growths (probably because there is often too little story in my stories xD).

I'm still thinking about the fourth chapter of Muscle seduction and I might ask you several things, to see if it's a good idea for you or not because I really want you to love this chapter as much as you loved the third one and for this chapter, it will probably be less "growths on growths" (and slightly more story).

Sorry again if it didn't live up to your expectations but really, I know there is nothing more annoying than a disappointing story when you expect a lot but thank you for your feedback which is always very constructive because that is what will allow me to achieve this goal ! So thank you very much @MadMutter

Oh don't worry,, it was a great ride and fun to read. I wasn't disappointed at all! I just wanted to give you some feedback for what could be done differently ^-^

[BGM123456]

Great story!