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While well written (seriously good descriptions I hope you keep writing other stories) it’s just kinda boring tbh big bro  is  helping little bro then just to be a dick i guess little bro drains him destroying his career it sounds like. it dosnt  feel like it was earned or hot really.

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4 hours ago, Bigrowinggod said:

While well written (seriously good descriptions I hope you keep writing other stories) it’s just kinda boring tbh big bro  is  helping little bro then just to be a dick i guess little bro drains him destroying his career it sounds like. it dosnt  feel like it was earned or hot really.

Hey man, I get what you mean. I actually wrote this with the idea of making it at the perspective of the "villain" of the story, one who takes without any good reason. What's an alternate way of it that you'd have liked?

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47 minutes ago, kurisupei said:

Hey man, I get what you mean. I actually wrote this with the idea of making it at the perspective of the "villain" of the story, one who takes without any good reason. What's an alternate way of it that you'd have liked?

I guess as an example big bro mentions meeting with a bunch of fitness influencers little bro could tag along and drain them one by one leaving him towering over big bro without having to drain him that’s hot and makes a lot more sence then being cruel to a seemingly nice big bro trying to help you work out you know. hell maybe the influencers were previous bullies of him or somthing like that. even when it comes to villains there motivations need to make sence. 
 

also taking without good reason especially when the story is about family members/dynamic is just boring. like ok I’ll ask you why have it be a family member if he just dose it for no reason might as well be a random friend.sorry if I came off as harsh at all.

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Sorry for editing my response like 4 times (hope it didn’t send the notification again am kinda tired rn) 

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38 minutes ago, Bigrowinggod said:

Sorry for editing my response like 4 times (hope it didn’t send the notification again am kinda tired rn) 

 

53 minutes ago, Bigrowinggod said:

I guess as an example big bro mentions meeting with a bunch of fitness influencers little bro could tag along and drain them one by one leaving him towering over big bro without having to drain him that’s hot and makes a lot more sence then being cruel to a seemingly nice big bro trying to help you work out you know. hell maybe the influencers were previous bullies of him or somthing like that. even when it comes to villains there motivations need to make sence. 
 

also taking without good reason especially when the story is about family members/dynamic is just boring. like ok I’ll ask you why have it be a family member if he just dose it for no reason might as well be a random friend.sorry if I came off as harsh at all.

Alright then, I'll try implementing this in my next story.

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On 1/4/2024 at 12:55 PM, Bigrowinggod said:

I guess as an example big bro mentions meeting with a bunch of fitness influencers little bro could tag along and drain them one by one leaving him towering over big bro without having to drain him that’s hot and makes a lot more sence then being cruel to a seemingly nice big bro trying to help you work out you know. hell maybe the influencers were previous bullies of him or somthing like that. even when it comes to villains there motivations need to make sence. 
 

also taking without good reason especially when the story is about family members/dynamic is just boring. like ok I’ll ask you why have it be a family member if he just dose it for no reason might as well be a random friend.sorry if I came off as harsh at all.

 

On 1/4/2024 at 1:49 PM, kurisupei said:

 

Alright then, I'll try implementing this in my next story.

I absolutely love this as a story idea, but it would change the basic theme of this story, which is that the younger brother takes from the older brother when he doesn't really have a good reason to do so. That's what makes him a villain. I think what would improve this particular story would be if there was more of a set up for why the little brother takes the evil step that he takes. Maybe more could be written about how he is jealous of his brother's size, especially his greater height and huge male anatomy, and those are things that he will never be able to match his older brother, no matter how hard he works out or how much muscle he gains. If he is letting his brother train him while secretly resenting him and hating him for his physical superiority, it would not seem like such a drastic departure from the way the story was going when he turns on his older brother who does not seem to deserve it.

These are just my ideas on how to make an already good story even better while still maintaining the same feel of the story as written. I absolutely loved the story as is. Sure, I feel bad for the older brother. He does not deserve what happens to him, but that is the case in many muscle theft stories. 

I'm excited to find a new muscle theft author on the site! I look forward to reading your other work that is hiding out in the Story Archive section! 😀

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