Vaccinated

[Nanook]

Absolutely great story.  I'm amazed by the speed you wrote, the depth of characters created, the unique view point and a fascinating story arc.  Well done.

Two points of constructive criticism if you don't mind:

1. While I understand the desire for spinoffs, the alternative story arcs felt like they got lost.  The hint of an aggressive prosecutor, Jason and his whole story line, Scott and his whole story line, HIM and his power tripping/ trying to improve/change the vaccine, Amber's abilities herself...there were lots of potentials and clearly well thought out stories that felt like they were just forgotten.  In future, I'd say it'd be good to close out those story arcs more definitively or lead them in a direction to allow for a spin off instead of just letting them Peter out and feel forgotten.

2. Amazing writing and you took the main story arc in a direction I never would have anticipated.  Very cool and hot all around.  I would just suggest that in future you give more time to wind the stories down.  It came to a very sudden end which can work but it almost felt like the lead up which was a phenomenal and long journey had to hit it's crescendo and taper off really fast.  Basically 3 chapters of closing with like 80 chapters of lead up.  Make that crescendo peak hard, make it epic, allow the reader to digest what happened and then slowly ease them out of it.  

Beauty of a story though.  Very well written, excellent descriptions and amazingly fun to read.  Great job all around.

[mmvmgo2011]

4 hours ago, Nanook said:

Absolutely great story.  I'm amazed by the speed you wrote, the depth of characters created, the unique view point and a fascinating story arc.  Well done.

Two points of constructive criticism if you don't mind:

1. While I understand the desire for spinoffs, the alternative story arcs felt like they got lost.  The hint of an aggressive prosecutor, Jason and his whole story line, Scott and his whole story line, HIM and his power tripping/ trying to improve/change the vaccine, Amber's abilities herself...there were lots of potentials and clearly well thought out stories that felt like they were just forgotten.  In future, I'd say it'd be good to close out those story arcs more definitively or lead them in a direction to allow for a spin off instead of just letting them Peter out and feel forgotten.

2. Amazing writing and you took the main story arc in a direction I never would have anticipated.  Very cool and hot all around.  I would just suggest that in future you give more time to wind the stories down.  It came to a very sudden end which can work but it almost felt like the lead up which was a phenomenal and long journey had to hit it's crescendo and taper off really fast.  Basically 3 chapters of closing with like 80 chapters of lead up.  Make that crescendo peak hard, make it epic, allow the reader to digest what happened and then slowly ease them out of it.  

Beauty of a story though.  Very well written, excellent descriptions and amazingly fun to read.  Great job all around.

Thanks for your great comment, and very helpful criticisms. Definitely taking these on board and trying to improve my writing and storytelling.

EDIT: I'm super impressed that you've kept track of even fleeting storylines, like the prosecutor with a hardon for Jake, literally and figuratively.

Edited June 21, 2022 by mmvmgo2011

[Aronymous]

On 5/28/2022 at 9:04 AM, mmvmgo2011 said:

That's a great idea - I'll change all future instalments and gradually go back and edit what's already posted.

It's actually an awful idea.

 

The story's nice though.

[DawnFire98]

On 5/25/2022 at 3:19 PM, mmvmgo2011 said:

HE knelt in front of Jake and, flicked the very tip of HIS tongue against Jake’s nipple, prompting Jake to flex his pec, hardening it to a striated block of granite, covered in a tangle of pulsing veins. HE brought his lips around the nipple and suckled gently, caressing it with HIS tongue. Jake growled again, lower and deeper than before, more animalistic. HE could feel Jake’s heartbeat through HIS lips, HIS tongue, a powerful, slow, steady beat. Despite Jake’s arousal, his fitness meant his heart rate barely increased.

1) Holy shit, this snippet just made me blow a load. (Descriptions of muscular guys and their strong heartbeats are my kryptonite. ) 

2) Just remembered that I never got to read the story fully for somd reason. Loved your writing style and the character development. If I find the time, I will finish reading this whole story, @mmvmgo2011.

(Fingers crossed for more heartbeat moments, lol. ) 

[mmvmgo2011]

8 minutes ago, DawnFire98 said:

1) Holy shit, this snippet just made me blow a load. (Descriptions of muscular guys and their strong heartbeats are my kryptonite. ) 

2) Just remembered that I never got to read the story fully for somd reason. Loved your writing style and the character development. If I find the time, I will finish reading this whole story, @mmvmgo2011.

(Fingers crossed for more heartbeat moments, lol. ) 

Blowing a load to my story? Awesome! Happy to hear it.

Thanks for the awesome compliment. Hope you enjoy the rest just as much.

The latest chapter in the continuation does have a couple of reference to heartbeats... I'll see if I can incorporate some more references in future chapters.