Muscle Lads, Inc.

[muscleaddict]

So I promised a post highlighting some of the Mancunian slang used in the story so here goes...

"Ey up" is another way of saying hello/all right.

Dead/well = really.

Ace/mint = good.

So Alfie might say, "Nick, those trunks are dead mint."

"Nowt" means nothing, e.g...

"What you up to?”

Danny shrugs. ”Nowt.”

Similarly "owt" means anything, so someone might say, "I won't say owt." 

I might throw in a few more but those are the ones I know I've used! 

[crushme99]

4 hours ago, muscleaddict said:

I might throw in a few more but those are the ones I know I've used! 

Great.  That way, when we all come to visit you we will not stand out like sore thumbs.

Hope your apartment -- uhhh, "flat" -- will have enough room for all of us.

[Wrestlejock646]

I wish I'd known those bits while I was watching Ted Lasso and listening to some of Jamie Tartt's Mancunian slang. 

[Mdlftr]

More Mancunian slang:

 

“That’s ace!” he replies with an excited look. 

“You off out?”

“Erm …”

“So … your mum’s a bit of a legend.”

[muscleaddict]

20 hours ago, crushme99 said:

Great.  That way, when we all come to visit you we will not stand out like sore thumbs.

Hope your apartment -- uhhh, "flat" -- will have enough room for all of us.

Haha! Well, you're welcome to visit but I don't actually live in Manchester. 

17 hours ago, Wrestlejock646 said:

I wish I'd known those bits while I was watching Ted Lasso and listening to some of Jamie Tartt's Mancunian slang. 

I've never seen that show, mate, but I just did a Google search. He's a bit of a hottie! 

[muscleaddict]

14 hours ago, Mdlftr said:

“You off out?”

“So … your mum’s a bit of a legend.”

That's just regular British talk, mate! 

[muscleaddict]

FIVE

NICK

I don’t know whether I’m letting my imagination run away with me but it kind of feels like something might be happening between me and Alfie Winters. Does that make me sound completely crazy? I probably AM crazy. But it feels like there’s something there. Like a sort of flirty energy between us.

I showed him some pictures of me on stage earlier and it was just his expression when he looked at the pictures. And the way he was smiling. Plus he commented on the shiny pink trunks I was wearing. And THEN bought out his own (matching) shiny pink trunks from Next Level Posers from his bedroom. I kind of love that we have the same trunks.

And then there’s the fact that he took me to The Muscle Factory last Monday. Which he didn’t have to do. Maybe it was just a friendly, new flatmate thing. But, I dunno. I can’t help feeling like it was more. It’s the way he talks to me too. Just the way he is with me in general.

But would Alfie Winters EVER go for a guy like me? Even if the rumours are true. Even if Alfie really IS bisexual. Wouldn’t he go for a bodybuilder as big and advanced as he is? And one much bigger (and let’s be frank - hotter) than me? A bodybuilder more like Danny King?

I’m thinking all of this as I’m in standing in front of my wardrobe trying to decide which t-shirt to change into. Because I’m heading out for a “welcome to the flat drink”. Not just with Alfie but with Danny King too. I’m not sure if I’m more nervous or excited at the prospect of socialising with Danny away from the flat. Our interactions haven’t exactly been relaxed. Or successful. He makes me kinda nervous in general. I think it’s that thing of not knowing what he really thinks of me. And the general vibe I get that he thinks he’s kind of above me.

Even if the whole Alfie thing is in my head, at least it’s proven a distraction from Mason the Hot Muscle Daddy, who I still haven’t heard from. I haven’t swallowed my pride and sent him that direct, flirty second text as suggested by Liv either. Not yet, anyway. I guess I just can’t quite bring myself to do it and potentially face even more rejection.

When I go back into the kitchen and living area, Danny is just standing there looking at his phone in his hand. He’s wearing skinny jeans which are stretched by his meaty legs and a tight black t-shirt. His massive arms bulging. Jesus. This guy is so fucking hot. It's like he radiates sexiness. This is probably a big contributor to why he makes me so nervous. How am I supposed to talk to a guy who looks like THAT?

“Finally!” Alfie says to me. He’s wearing a tight white t-shirt and skinny jeans. Wherever we’re going we’re definitely going to get some looks. Or to be more accurate - Danny and Alfie are. 

“Nick - you look beautiful!”

Danny looks up from his phone and right at me with a straight face and my chest tightens.

“Danny’s being boring and not drinking.”

Danny looks at Alfie unimpressed, then turns to me and arches one eyebrow at Alfie's expense. My chest pinches and I offer up a little smile. (At least I think I'm smiling.) Wait - did I just share a moment with Danny King?

He doesn’t bother defending or explaining himself to either me or Alfie. I like the fact that he doesn’t do that. 

About half an hour and lots of looks later, the three of us are heading to wherever Alfie is leading us. Alfie is sandwiched between Danny and me.

“Erm. WHY are we going this way?” Danny asks. I look at Alfie, who’s mischievously grinning. It suddenly dawns on me where we’re heading. And what kind of pubs are in this direction of town. Wait - we’re not - 

“You’re taking us to a gay pub, aren’t you?” Danny says, in an unimpressed tone.

Oh fuck. I have no idea what this means. All of my insides tense up. I can’t seem to look at either of my new flatmates right now.

“Can I at least go back and put a hoodie on?”

Alfie laughs. “Danny gets mobbed in gay pubs,” he says to me. “The gays love him.”

I nervously look over. Alfie’s giving me a cute smile. I can't believe this is happening. We’re heading towards Canal Street. We're going to a gay pub. Is that because Alfie Winters likes the attention his body gets when he goes to gay pubs? Or is it because Alfie Winters likes guys? Because he likes ME?

“You don't mind going to a gay pub, do you, Nicky?”

Nicky?

“Ummm. Nah,” I tell Alfie, who I can’t seem to look at right now. “My best friend’s gay so …” 

Why the hell did I just say that? 

“Well, a lesbian.”

“Oh yeah? A gay best friend?” Danny says, in a playful tone. “Alfie can top you there.”

What the - I look over at my flatmates. Danny’s got a teasing grin on his painfully hot face. Alfie doesn’t respond. Or even react. And now I want to know - now I’m DESPERATE to know - what could top having a gay best friend? Being gay yourself? Or even bisexual?

“Anyway - a hoodie wouldn’t help you, Danny,” Alfie quips.

Danny laughs. Maybe at the complete diversion of the topic.

“You’re still a big, sexy bastard even covered up.”

I look over to see Danny lazily rolling his eyes. There’s a little smirk there too though. Like he got a kick out of being called sexy. He must spend half of his life smirking if that’s the case.

As we walk into the pub I’ve been to before with Liv, it hits me that I should have just asked Danny what his comment about Alfie meant right there and then. Because now the moment’s gone. Would I have had the balls to actually ask him though? I can barely even speak to the guy. 

As we head to the bar, I notice so many people looking. A few at Alfie. Some of us as a group in general. But yeah - Danny King is definitely getting the majority of the looks. He seems almost oblivious to it too. It's almost like he’s in his own little bubble. A bubble of being huge, hot and generally seeming a bit over everything. That’s pretty much Danny King’s whole vibe.

Alfie orders our drinks. Even the fucking barman is eyeing up Danny. Like - properly eyeballing him. 

“Danny’s got an admirer, already.”

He screws his face up. “Who?”

Alfie gives me a knowing look and I smile back.

“I’ve already told you you’re not my type, Alfie. I’m not into midget sex.”

I laugh at Danny’s completely unexpected joke. (Danny King has a sense of humour? Who knew?) Danny looks over and smiles at me, clearly feeling pleased with himself. It’s ridiculous how good it makes me feel to share (another?) moment with Danny King.

“People finding short-arsed bodybuilders hot is a thing, I’ll have you know. Just do a search on Twitter.”

“You've already shown me those profiles. It seemed like most of them find your posing trunk collection hotter than you.”

Alfie lets out a little chuckle. I swear I can feel my cheeks burning. I’ve seen these profiles and comments on Twitter too. The ones that gush over how hot Alfie (and Danny!) are. And how hot Alfie’s trunks are. I can relate to those guys. I AM one of those guys. Even if I don't post those things on Twitter, I’m still thinking them.

The barman puts our drinks down on the bar, going extra gooey-eyed over a still oblivious Danny. And then he puts down two shot glasses. Danny lets out a loud groan in response.

“Nick - welcome to the flat!” Alfie says, handing me one of the shot glasses.

“What is it?”

Alfie screws his face up, shrugs and downs the shot. 

Danny sighs. “This is gonna be a fun night!” he says, sarcastically. I smile and follow Alfie in downing the gross-tasting shot.

“Us roided munchkins know how to party.”

I look at Danny and we smile at each other over Alfie’s comment. And then I almost jump out of my skin when someone prods me in the back. I spin around to find Liv standing behind me. 

“All right!” she says to me. She seems so surprised to see me. Or maybe it’s that she’s most surprised by who I’m here with. 

"All right," I say back, feeling weirdly sheepish. It’s nice to see Liv. But it’s also kind of weird with Alfie and Danny here. I mean - I knew they’d probably all meet eventually. I just didn’t think it would be in a fucking gay bar. I still can’t actually believe Alfie bought us to a gay bar.

“Ummm. This is Liv. My best friend," I tell them. "The one who went to uni here. Liv.”

Alfie gasps and points at her. “The lesbian!” he says, excitedly. 

Liv looks from Alfie to me confused, but she’s smirking too. “I … am a lesbian? And you are?”

“A twat,” Danny says, matter-of-factly.

Liv laughs and I introduce them both. To which she gives me a very subtle look that either says - how the hell are you coping living with these two huge, hot bodybuilders or what the hell are you doing in a gay pub with these two huge, hot bodybuilders?

And then I hear a voice and feel a sudden wave of panic. And sure enough, there he is. Suddenly standing next to Liv. Benji! Unapologetically camp Benji who definitely can’t hide the fact that he's gay. Benji - who the last time I saw was telling me how much he liked me after kissing him at Utopia. Right before I panicked, left and bumped into Mason the Hot Muscle Daddy.

He looks right at me, giving me this stern, frosty look. “Oh. Hello, Nick,” he says in a pointed manner.

I look at Alfie, who looks confused and smirks. Even Danny seems weirdly interested. Why do I get the feeling I’m about to be outed to my new flatmates? Not that I’ve made a particular effort to keep my sexuality a secret from them. I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest. But, like it is with most bodybuilders, there’s always this slight fear that they’ll secretly be raging homophobes who think drag queens deserve to be shot for entertaining kids.

“These are Nick’s new flatmates,” Liv tells Benji.

Benji looks from Alfie to Danny and back again. “Bloody hell!” he blurts out.

Alfie lets out a big laugh. Even Danny’s smiling too. And now I’m wondering - have I ever made Alfie laugh like that?

“We’re having a flat-warming drink for Nick,” Alfie tells them.

Benji looks right at me. This almost unnerving expression. “You wanna watch, Nick. He has a tendency to disappear on nights out without saying goodbye.”

Liv rolls her eyes. “Crime of the century!” she says. “Right - we’ll leave you lads alone.”

“You can join us if you want,” Alfie says, with a casual shrug.

Benji’s eyes light up. “Fantastic! We’ll tell you some stories about Nick.”

“Ummm. No, we WON’T,” Liv says sternly. I kind of love Liv right now. I look over and notice Danny looking from Liv to me with a little, almost sort of warm smile on his face.

The five of us head to a booth. Benji quizzes Danny on why he’s not drinking. Which then sparks a whole load of questions about competing and why he has to wear “that fake tan”. The whole thing’s pretty funny and endearing. Even if Benji is being a bit of a dick to me. Maybe I deserve that, though.

Alfie gets his phone out and starts playing with it. “You should see Danny in competition,” he says, handing his phone to Benji. Danny doesn’t react. Like the whole thing is just no big deal. I’m kind of excited to see Benji’s reaction. His mouth drops open. I’d love to know what’s going through his head. Whether he thinks it’s gross or too much (like most non-bodybuilding folk do). Or if he thinks the image of huge shredded Danny flexing on stage is insanely fucking hot (like me and all of those lads on Twitter do). Or even just a little bit hot?! (Is that possible? To find bodybuilders a “little bit hot”? I feel like it’s usually either one extreme or the other.)

“Why do they make you wear those little thongs?”

I bury my face in my drink glass to cover up my smile.

“They’re usually more colourful than that,” Alfie pipes up. “Danny’s got boring taste in posing trunks.”

Danny looks at me and does the same one arched eyebrow thing he did back at the flat. Another Danny and Nick moment. I could get used to these.

“Nick wears pink ones!” Alfie pipes up.

What the hell is this? Pick on fucking Nick night?

“I bet he does,” Benji says. I look directly at him and he gives me a sly grin. Okay, Benji - I get it. I kissed you and you told me you really liked me. And then I vanished, pulled a hot muscle daddy and fucked off with him without saying goodbye. I did you wrong. I bruised your ego. Time to stop being a little bitch and get over it, maybe?

And then I look at Danny. He's watching me and Benji. Like he's just observing us. Taking it in. Making some kind of mental note. I'm not sure if what Danny King is thinking right now is necessarily bad, but it still unnerves me slightly. Liv disappears to the toilet and Benji and Alfie get another round of drinks in. And now it's just me and Danny King. Alone. Almost instantly, things feel a little awkward. 

He suddenly seems almost shy now it’s the two of us in this setting. Maybe he just feels out of his comfort zone.

“Are you a bit bored?" I say, making the first move. "Not drinking?”

Danny screws his face up a little. “A bit!”

I smile and he gives me a little smile back at me. Wow. “Nothing to do with guys,” he adds. 

“How you finding The Muscle Factory?”

“Umm. Yeah. It‘s good,” I say, smiling at both the memory of my first trip to the iconic Manchester gym and the fact that this is happening. That me and Danny King are actually having a conversation.

“Just … dunno. There’s a LOT of big guys there.”

“Well … yeah,” Danny says, his mouth curling into a friendly smile. Seriously - wow!

“Did you get a picture in front of the flexing bull yet?”

And now I’m full-on smiling. “Alfie … kinda made me take one.”

Danny grins, showing me the gap in his front teeth. God - he’s so fucking sexy. He seems even more handsome close up.

“It’s gotta be done though. It’s kind of right of passage.”

He gets his phone out of his pocket. “What’s your Insta?” 

I feel a pull of nerves in my stomach. I tell him my handle then add, “Ummm … I didn’t post it on there though.”

Danny doesn't ask me why. He just does a little nod. A little smile briefly curls on his lips as he looks at me. I feel like he’s maybe laughing at me again like he did that day in the kitchen. It’s hard to tell though.

Danny starts playing with his phone. For a moment I wonder whether he’s actually going to bother speaking to me again. Then he finally hands me the device.

And now I’m looking at a younger and smaller Danny King flexing in front of the iconic Muscle Factory bull in a black vest. Oh wow. He looks cuter and more baby-faced. He’s way fucking hotter now though.

“Oh - so you used to go to the Muscle Factory?”

“Nah. I just went a few times when I was younger.”

I still can’t believe this is happening. That I’m having an actual conversation with Danny King. In a gay pub, of all places. As he sits opposite me. Bulging out of his t-shirt. With those fucking arms.

“You prefer Panthers then?”

Danny pulls a face and nods. “Been going since I was a teenager so … and everyone knows me there.”

Everyone including Mason the Hot Muscle Daddy. Danny starts playing with his phone again. “This is Spike. My coach,” he says, before handing me his phone again with a slight smirk.

“Bloody hell!” I blurt out when I look at the picture of the bald mountain of scary-looking tattooed muscle mass who is apparently Danny’s coach. And who, much like Alfie’s coach, looks vaguely familiar. 

Danny laughs at my response and my chest expands. Because I just made Danny King laugh.

“How tall is he?”

“Six foot seven.”

My eyes widen. “He looks like something out of X-Men.”

Danny lets out a little chortle and continues to grin at me (Jesus!) as he takes his phone from my hand. I’m having the mother of all moments with Danny King. The best one yet. Which is abruptly cut short by the arrival of Alfie and Benji coming back to the table with our drinks, with Liv in tow.

“Danny!” Alfie exclaims as he sits down. “You’re actually talking to our new flatmate.”

“The more he drinks the more annoying he becomes,” Danny warns me, in a dry tone. I give him a little smile and look at Alfie, who completely ignores Danny’s comment.

“Right - question for you lads,” he says, addressing me and Danny. “If a guy offered you money to feel have a feel of your biceps, would you do it?”

What the fuck? Something about that question makes my stomach twist. Danny rolls his eyes. “No,” he says, matter-of-factly.

“Nick?” Alfie says.

I look around the table. Everyone’s eyes are suddenly on me. Liv’s mouth curls into a slight smirk. 

“Ummm. I don’t think I need to worry about that,” I reply, before burying my face in my drink.

I look up just to see a brief little ominous smirk on Danny’s face. 

“Liv … can you have a word with your best friend?” Alfie says. “Has he always been completely clueless about the way he looks?”

Something about that makes my chest expand. Alfie Winters commenting on the way I look.

“Yes!” Liv replies. I catch Benji’s eye. He smirks at me. Not, like a sly one smirk either. But a kind of cute, knowing smirk.

“Wait - has that actually happened?” Benji asks Alfie. “A guy offering you money?”

Alfie shrugs. “I get Instagram DMs all the time from guys offering to pay me. I think it’s called … muscle worship?”

Jesus Christ. My cheeks are definitely going red.

“Would you have to have sex with them?” Liv asks.

Alfie pulls a face and shrugs. “Don't think so. I think they just feel your biceps and your pecs and stuff.”

I can’t seem to make eye contact with Danny King right now.

“Do it!” Benji cries. “I mean … if you wanna practice on me first?”

To my surprise, Danny laughs. I look at him and we make eye contact, smiling at each other at Benji’s comment.

Alfie sighs. “GO ON then!” 

Wait - what is happening? My chest tightens. I can’t believe what I’m witnessing as Alfie rolls up the sleeve of his t-shirt and fully flexes his biceps in front of Benji’s face and Benji wraps his right hand around the hard muscle, his mouth dropping. 

What. The. Fuck? I don't I’ve ever been more jealous of anyone than I am of Benji right now! I guess that’s what you get for being confident, loud and outgoing. Rather than being introverted and socially awkward. And Alfie’s biceps. Fuck. Right there. Fully flexed. In the middle of a gay pub. So huge. So perfectly round. Still bronzed from his competition the other week. I don’t think I’ll ever get this image out of my head.

“I think it’s safe to say I’m completely over you, Nick.”

WHAT THE - Benji did NOT just say that. I don’t dare look at Danny King. 

“So … are you the bisexual one?” Benji asks Alfie.

Oh. My. GOD. NO! I feel a sharp panic. Liv looks at me wide-eyed. 

Alfie laughs. “What?!” he says, looking genuinely confused.

I look at Danny, who looks confused and slightly awkward. I look at Alfie, who looks baffled and amused. My chest feels like it’s caving in. Danny gives Alfie a weird look. I feel a sharp kick to my stomach.

“Oh. I thought …” Benji trails off. I feel my cheeks go red. And now everyone’s looking at me.

“Nick …” Alfie says, teasingly. “Did you tell your friends I was bisexual?”

I want the ground to swallow me whole. Danny still looks a little awkward, but there's a hint of one of those ominous smirks there again.

“Jesus. This bisexual rumour. Just because I’m friendly and flirt with my gay fans and, well … everyone on Instagram. Sorry, Benji, mate. I’m straight.”

Oh wow. Never before have two words felt more like a punch to the gut. And now I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. Because of course, Alfie Winters is straight. As if he’d be anything but. As if he’d ever be interested in me. As if anything could ever happen between me and super cute, pixie-eared, pocket rocket bodybuilder Alfie Winters.

“You must have some gay bodybuilder friends you can introduce me to,” Benji says. 

“I do actually! Are you into daddies?”

My chest tightens and I look at Liv. I'm pretty sure we're thinking the same thing. Could Alfie be talking about Mason the Hot Muscle Daddy?

A guy starts talking to the pub-goers through a microphone, his voice booming around the pub.

“What’s going on?” Alfie asks.

“There’s a drag queen coming on,” Liv tells him. Alfie pulls an indifferent face and takes a gulp of his drink. Alfie Winters who’s straight. Alfie Winters who there most definitely ISN’T something going on with.

Benji suggests we should get closer to the stage to watch and warns Alfie that the drag queen will probably pick on him. Which Alfie looks oddly excited about. Me and Liv leave them and head to the bar.

“Are you okay?” she asks me with a look of concern when we’re waiting for our drinks.

“Yeah,” I lie, with a shrug. “Why?”

She gives me a pointed look. “I saw your face when he said he was straight.”

I roll my eyes. That crushing feeling of disappointment isn’t letting up. “I thought something was going on between us,” I confess, feeling stupid. Liv gives me a kind, tight-lipped smile.

“I mean … he could just be lying? Maybe he’s just not out?” Liv suggests. But I can tell she’s not convinced.

“At least Benji’s over me,” I joke.

Liv smiles and rolls his eyes.

“Is he okay though?” I ask. “You know … after what happened at Utopia?”

“He’s fine. I think you just bruised his ego a bit. So … did you text him? The muscle daddy?”

I wince and shake my head. 

“Do it now!” Liv orders.

I groan. “But what if he doesn’t text me back?”

She shrugs. “He didn't text you back before. You survived.”

I resist the urge to say, "Barely!" I’m really not sure I can handle rejection from both Alfie Winters AND Mason the Hot Muscle Daddy in one night.

“Send him something he absolutely can NOT ignore,” Liv suggests as we pick up our drinks and head back to find where Benji and my new flatmates are now standing, closer to the stage. It’s not exactly hard to spot them. Two beefy bodybuilders in tight t-shirts in a sea of regular-sized people. 

As I’m standing next to Liv still listening to the same guy on stage cracking jokes, I feel an arm link with mine. I look over to see Benji, giving me a tight-lipped smile. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna try and pull you or anything.”

I bite my lip. “Sorry about … you know.”

“Abandoning me to pull a hot muscle daddy? I’m over it. God, your flatmates are hot. Especially the tall one.”

I can’t help smiling. Benji is still so fucking sweet. And still kinda cute in his own little way.

“I thought you fancied Alfie? You’ve been talking to him all night.”

“Only because he’s a gobshite like me and he’s easy to talk to. I mean, he’s hot too, but … Danny’s the one!” he says. “So … how’s the hot muscle daddy?”

“He won’t text me back.”

Benji pulls a face. “How many texts have you sent him?”

“Just the one.”

Benji gives me a look. “You can't give up after one text, Nick! Be persistent! God loves a trier.”

I smile at Benji’s advice. Which actually makes a lot of sense. Maybe I have given up on Mason too soon. I think about what Liv just said. Send him something he can’t ignore. The guy on the microphone introduces the drag performer. Someone by the name of Ms Vera Monsoon.

Everyone starts cheering, and I smile to myself when I look over at Danny King, looking slightly confused but still smiling as the plus-sized drag queen in a big blonde wig and a sparkly silver dress sashays to the front of the stage. He still seems completely oblivious to the fact that guys all around us are staring at and mooning all over him.

Fuck it. I get my phone out and fire up the picture of me flexing in front of the iconic Muscle Factory bull and my stomach tightens sharply as I send it to Mason. I then write a text below it.

I guess I’m a Muscle Factory boy now! That night we met was fucking hot. I’d love to do it again but if you’re not interested, that’s cool too and I’ll leave you alone.

I feel nervous as I send it. But then this relief washes over me. I feel good about that text. Kind of proud even. I look up from my phone and to my right and suddenly all of my thoughts of Mason the Hot Muscle Daddy vanish when I look at Alfie Winters and straight away know that something is wrong.

Alfie is looking up at the stage. Watching the drag show like the rest of us are. But his face. It’s a fucking picture. He’s looking at the drag queen. And the colour has drained from his face. It’s like, he’s seen a ghost or something. He looks so serious. Weirded out, even. And SO uncomfortable. 

And then Ms Vera Monsoon suddenly stops dead in her tracks. This weird pause. And it’s like the atmosphere completely changes. I follow her eye line and I realise she’s looking right at us. No - she’s looking right at Alfie. Who still looks so uncomfortable. And weirdly even a little pissed off. And I can tell from the way they're looking at each other that this is not the first time Alfie Winters and the loud-mouthed, plus-sized drag queen on stage have encountered each other.

Vera suddenly snaps out of her momentary trance, looks away and picks things up again. The show must go on, I guess. I keep looking at Alfie, as the performance goes on and Vera sings a big, camp song I sort of recognise. No one else seems to notice but as the words, “You think you’re a man but you’re only a boy,” ring out over and over again, Alfie’s expression doesn’t falter. Whatever Alfie Winters is going through. Whatever’s causing him to look the way he does, it’s clear that this whole ordeal isn’t getting any easier for him. 

And my mind is racing. Of course, it is. Because how does a supposedly straight bodybuilder like Alfie know a loud, camper-than-camp drag queen like Ms Vera Monsoon?

The drag performance finishes to a rapture of applause. I watch Alfie down the rest of his drink in one go and then he disappears. And then I catch Danny’s eye. And I think he’s also clocked on to the fact that something isn’t quite right with our usually outgoing and happy-go-lucky flatmate.

“Is Alfie all right?” I say to Danny. He pulls a face and shrugs, but I can tell he’s concerned.

“He seemed a bit …” Danny says, clearly struggling for the right word. I bite my lip and nod. Danny cocks his head and I follow him to where the toilets are. Alfie comes out, looking a little more casual than earlier.

“You okay, mate?” Danny asks.

Alfie pulls a face. “Yeah,” he says, defensively, like nothing’s wrong. Danny gives him a sceptical look.

“Are you lads ready to call it a night?” Alfie asks. Danny pulls a face and nods.

“Erm. I think I might stay out. For a bit.”

“Cool,” Alfie says.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask. “You seemed a bit …” but I stop because Alfie’s expression suddenly falls. He looks white as a sheet again. And then I realise what he’s looking at. Or, more accurately, who.

Ms Vera Monsoon. The plus-sized drag queen in the big blonde wig and sparkly silver dress, tightly hugging her large figure. And she’s walking right up to us. Larger than life. What the - 

“Ey up, Alf,” she says, almost nervously. A stark comparison to the loud, brash, funny drag queen we've just witnessed on stage.

Me and Danny look at each other. Alfie’s staring at the drag queen. Still looking like he’s seen a ghost. His face still drained of colour. And then … with three simple words from Alfie, everything suddenly makes sense. 

“All right, Dad.”

[DennisFLL]

Wow!  Incredible interaction between the characters!  Who of the flat-mates will be dropping their beads first?   Who's going to be soon wanking whom?  Perfectly paced and twisting just right as the characters dance with each other, slowly revealing their emotions and libidos.  And MA, loved also your funny ending with Alfie's drag-queen dad! 

[Ozymandias]

Danny is a curious one. There’s more to him. I’m keeping my eye on him.

[Kamaswami]

Whenever I think of Alfie's dad the only thing that comes to mind is the character Leslie from the British tv show Benidorm.